(no subject)
Posting the whole thing, but the new bit is with Satoshi and being picky about what he eats. ._.a
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Some fourteen year old boys have wet dreams.
Daisuke turned into Dark in his sleep, which was equally embarrassing, but required less sheet-changing. Mostly Dark slept through it anyway. Sometimes, though, he woke up.
Dark yawned, scratched his head and slouched down to the kitchen. Being an immortal, famous and unutterably sexy thief was one thing, but when you woke up at two in the morning, there was only one thing you really wanted, and that was waiting for him, carefully hidden from Emiko. (Or not -- Dark figured Emiko knew about them and tolerated it as long as Daisuke didn't get near them.) He opened the cubboard, stretched up and grabbed his precious box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, and then got a bowl and a spoon.
He poured out his cereal, and then went to the refrigerator to get milk. He had just grabbed it when a creeping sensation on the top of his head made him look up.
Glowing red eyes stared at him.
He stared back at them.
A deep, rumbling growl came from the top of the fridge, and in the next instant Dark saw several centuries of existence pass by his eyes.
The Siamese cat, it is said, was bred for the protection of temples in their ancient homeland. It is certainly a fact that an angry Siamese leaping out at you with twenty claws bared and more fangs than should be possible in a mouth that size will scare a hardened breeder.
Dark, quite naturally, saw clawed, fanged death coming for him from the top of the fridge and screamed like a little girl.
The milk splashed all over the floor, Dark fell and nearly hit his head on the table, the cat landed on his chest with a hideous snarl and his tail bushed, and the entire household came rushing down to the kitchen in a panic.
By the time they got there and Kosuke managed to get the light on, Daisuke was rubbing his head and glaring at the cat, who was returning the look with haughty indifference and a chittering monologue that apparently boiled down to 'Dark deserved it and he wasn't sorry'.
"Yes," said Daisuke, irritably, "But you didn't have to *attack* him, Hiwatari-kun."
Satoshi laid his ears back and hiffed.
--
One thing Daisuke, and for that matter, Satoshi, had learned about the first time Dark had pulled a heist was to never ever say or think that it would be a normal heist. Something was sure to go wrong. You never knew WHAT, but something would.
For instance, the target might be cursed, and Satoshi might accidentally brush up against it during the usual exchange of pleasantries and directions to a very warm climate, and it might resent the presence of a Hikari near it. It might then change said Hikari to a blue-point Siamese cat, just because it could. (This was actually very unfair, considering Satoshi's view of his family's art. Still, a Hikari was a Hikari.)
And then Dark might laugh himself sick and get bit on the ankle, but as Daisuke pointed out, that was only to be expected.
In any case, after Dark finished cursing Hiwatari in ten languages (three of which were no longer in existence anywhere else but in Dark's memory) and Hiwatari stopped lashing his tail and cursing him back in Siamese, Daisuke finally managed to get a word in edgewise.
:What are we going to DO?: he wailed.
"Call a furrier," snapped Dark. "Or a lab."
Hiwatari bit him again.
:DAAAAAAAAARK!: shrieked Daisuke.
"OK, all right, keep your damn hair on," said Dark. "I won't. Yet," he added, glaring at Hiwatari. Hiwatari glared back, tail lashing.
:Dad might know something,: said Daisuke. :We should --:
"I am NOT taking this mangy skin and bones excuse for a cat to Kosuke."
:Yes, you are,: said Daisuke, with unexpected firmness.
"Give me one good reason."
:Because Saehara's father is coming down the hall and I'd like to see us explain this one.:
Dark caught the sound of police thudding toward them, cursed, and grabbed the statue with one hand and Hiwatari and his clothes with the other. Hiwatari yowled. "Shut UP, Hiwatari! OK, but if your mother kills you, don't come running to me."
Which was how Hiwatari Satoshi, hereditary enemy of Niwa Daisuke, ended up on a coffee table (he /recognized/ it, too; it'd been made by some great-great-ancestor and promptly lost to posterity -- but not, apparently, to the Niwas), staring warily at the Niwa clan as they argued, and fighting an awful urge to bathe something with one leg pointed toward the sky.
"Don't blame ME," said Dark. "I TOLD Daisuke."
"He might TRANSFORM," wailed Niwa's mother. "And he'll find out where everything IS and then he'll come back and --"
That was actually a good idea, if Satoshi didn't have a feeling that translating cat-level observations into actual, useful directions would be nearly impossible. And it wasn't as if he really wanted anything back -- besides the sheer bullheaded desire to take back what had been stolen.
"That's a point," said Niwa's father, who apparently had some sort of irresistible attraction for cats -- or at least, some feline part of Satoshi's brain looked at him and saw a warm couch with an automatic petting function. "What if he does transform?"
"Well, if he sprouts long fur and his eyes turn pi -- er, bright yellow and he tries to maim everybody in the household, lock him in a closet," said Dark, almost cheerfully.
"Siamese do that," said Niwa's father, "Not sprout long fur and yellow eyes, I mean, but maim people. It's practically a requirement to be a Siamese."
Everybody stared at him.
"We had one when I was growing up," explained Niwa's father. "If someone didn't have a bleeding stub, it wasn't happy."
Everybody turned and looked at Satoshi. Satoshi hunched up and lashed his tail, his ears flattening defensively.
"I'm sure Hiwatari-kun won't," said Niwa's father, kindly. "Well, maybe to Dark but I'm sure he realizes that damage carries over to Daisuke."
Which was a pity, really. Here he was with retractable razors attached to his limbs and needle-sharp fangs and no way to use them without leaving Niwa in shreds, too. "Meh," he said, sourly. "Pfft."
In the end, though, after Dark went back to being Daisuke and Daisuke spent half an hour whining at the top of his voice ("But MOOOOOOOOOOOOM! He's my FRIEND! We can't let him go out in the STREETS and be picked up by some WEIRD LAB!"), it was decided to keep him until they could figure out a way to undo the spell. This, of course, brought up more problems. Daisuke was assigned Hiwatari-kun's care. It took him a little less than an hour to realize that Hiwatari-kun in cat form was even more stubborn than he was as a human.
For instance, the introduction of a litter box earned him a disbelieving look and a realistic retch, and Hiwatari-kun only eventually agreed to use it after he tried to use the toilet and nearly fell in. Still, he insisted on it being cleaned -- sterilized, actually -- every time he used it.
Then, of course, after Daisuke ran to the one store still open at that time of night for cat food, Hiwatari-kun took one disbelieving sniff, then an even more horrified bite, and proceeded to drag the bowl to the litterbox and bury it.
"You eat MEAT BUNS every day at school and you won't eat CAT FOOD?" shouted Daisuke. "I've seen the type of food you eat! It can't taste any better than cat food! This is ORGANIC! FRESH! EXPENSIVE!"
Hiwatari-kun continued kicking sand over the bowl. "MEH."
"Jerk," muttered Daisuke. "What do you want to eat then? And if you say caviar I'm going to let Towa-chan put ribbons on you."
Hiwatari-kun finished burying the bowl, washed his paws with an air that suggested he'd rather be plunging them in bleach, and considered this. "Meh?"
"Anything within reason," said Daisuke, cautiously.
"Meh," said Hiwatari-kun, scornfully. He got up and marched, tail in a question mark, to the kitchen. Daisuke followed, more out of morbid curiosity than any hope that Hiwatari-kun would show him what he wanted.
Daisuke's mother was cooking supper. Hiwatari-kun sat down just out of her path, curled his tail around his haunches and stared at her.
Daisuke sat down at the table and watched.
His mother looked down and saw Hiwatari-kun. "Out of my kitchen," she said. "Animals are unsanitary."
Hiwatari-kun managed to look small and piteous, but did not bulge.
"I mean it, you - you Hikari," she said, making Hikari sound like something from the bottom of a septic pump.
Hiwatari-kun looked at her with wide, slightly crossed blue eyes and opened his mouth in a silent meow.
Daisuke's mother turned around and saw him. "I thought you were going to feed This Animal."
"I tried, Mom," he said, spreading his hands. "He didn't want the cat food."
"Maybe he'll starve," said his mother, darkly. "I told you to get out!"
Hiwatari-kun, still not moving so much as a centimeter, looked half-starved and infinitely pathetic.
"I'll step on your tail and I won't feel a bit sorry for you!"
"Mom," said Daisuke, heroically keeping a straight face. "Your pot."
"Eh?" she said, and turned around. "AAAH!" She hastily turned the burner down.
Fifteen minutes passed. Hiwatari-kun stayed right where he was, staring at Daisuke's mother. Daisuke got up, got a soda and sat down again. Daisuke's mother chopped vegetables viciously. Hiwatari-kun continued to stare at Daisuke's mother, swaying occasionally and waking up again with a start. Daisuke finished the soda, put the can in the recycling bin and sat down again.
"Meh?" said Hiwatari-kun, finally, in a sad, sad voice.
"Daisuke," said his mother, between her teeth, "Get. That. Animal. Out. Of. My. Kitchen."
Daisuke managed to turn a snigger into a cough. "But Mom," he said, "He's not used to home cooking. He's probably fascinated."
"HE'S TRYING TO MAKE ME FEED HIM," screamed his mother. "I AM NOT FEEDING A HIKARI!"
Hiwatari-kun hunched down, looking even smaller and sadder and more pathetic. "...meh...?" He looked up at Daisuke's mother. Daisuke's mother stared down at him.
Daisuke's father wandered in, blinked at his wife and Hiwatari-kun, and looked at Daisuke. Daisuke shrugged. His father lifted an eyebrow and sat down beside him.
"I. Do. Not. Feed. Stray. Animals," said Daisuke's mother. That was a bare-faced lie. His mother was the soft touch of the neighborhood.
Hiwatari-kun began to purr.
"He's always just eaten meat buns and things at lunch," said Daisuke, helpfully.
His mother twitched.
Hiwatari-kun got up and brushed his way around Daisuke's mother's ankles, still purring. He looked up at her and squeezed his eyes half-shut.
Daisuke's mother twitched again. She turned to the cubboard, grabbed a bowl, dished out some rice and fish, and slammed it in front of Daisuke. "Get that animal out of my kitchen."
Daisuke picked up the bowl and looked at Hiwatari-kun. Hiwatari-kun made one final circle around Daisuke's mother's ankles, and walked out of the kitchen.
"You didn't have to do that," said Daisuke, watching Hiwatari-kun scarf down fish and rice like a starved alley cat. "I could have asked for some."
"Meh," said Hiwatari-kun, smugly, and washed his whiskers.
---
"Uh...where's Hiwatari-kun?"
His mother smiled, with an effort. "You remember that plant? That I've spent five years raising?"
Daisuke nodded, carefully.
"Did you know it's hallucigenatic?"
"................"
"Maybe you can get him from behind the toilet."
".................................."
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