Absurd.
Man..She got on last night dureing the eclipse of the moon after i called trying to tell her bout it. then she put an away message up talking bout it then went afk....she was online for the entire eclipse and kept comeing back to the computer without takin off the away message....I wonder if she wanted me to im her? i wonder if she wanted me to say something....she said once before "I think i kinda like the parts where you never let go of me" ...is she trying to get me to this time as well....she keeps cutting herself to..wish she would stop. she writes saying her friend BTG makes her stop but i dunno i sorta wish i was a reason to...maybe im a reason for? i say not to she does anyway....she believes im trying to control her. yet i only say not to do stuff that would hurt her. atleast thats how i see it? its not like i go saying dont drink that water. dont eat that. dont date him. dont be friends with him//her. dont go there dont go here. Tell me what your doing tell me where you going...i dont do that...so am i really trying to control her? she said my anger is what scares her most...i changed though...after david..i noticed hoiw much i truely hurt her that time. even before i saw it but it was like it didnt effect me...i was changed since then..and she knows it shes seen it..but this time shes accuseing me of hideing my feelings again....i aint hideing this time...i never lied to her..why would i lie now? she says i have lied to her../but all i lied on was stuff so that she wouldnt worry and even then i still did it later on so is it really lyeing even if i lied for that moment? i lied the first time saying i wasnt going to use the money she gave me for running away but for things i would need like food and such. but i told her i would use it on food. Later on i stole the car and ran. i told her and she got mad. but i didnt spend any money on the car and still used for food...the second lie ive said to her was bout school..that i got it covered..its not really covered though..and that isnt my fault for that either. school expelled me for the entire year because a teacher lied and said i punched a cheerleader in the back on the head. Im not violent. id never hit anyone no matter how angry i am...unless to protect someone else...is that wrong? people say it makes me crazy. That night i asked her if she wanted me to go or not...the last thing she said...really got to me..."Would you be mad at me if i said yes"////why would i be mad...was i mad before at an answer to a question like this? i was always upset at it yeah...but did i really seem like i was going to kill her or something....why do i seem like im a monster? i need help but i dont want anger management or phycology...i want a friend..someone who will stick by me..ive never had a friend before and i did back when i was 7 but my mother took me from them for i was in foster care....i dont know any of my family jus met them a week ago and my ant told me to my face that i was nothing to them...what did i ever do wrong? i wish things were better..cant help the way i feel...but does it really have to come back on the people i love?