NOOOO!
Tom Boonen tests positive for cocaine and is out of the Tour de France.
He won't face suspension, since the positive test was not during a competition, and cocaine is only a banned substance during competition. He will probably face criminal charges: "under Belgian law, Boonen could face between three months and five years in prison and a fine of up to 100,000 euros (155,000 dollars) for using cocaine." (Though, being Tom Boonen, rock star of Belgium, he'll probably just get the fine and no jail time.) He's not going to be allowed to compete in the Tour this year because, apparently, all the teams signed some kind of "good-conduct charter" which "stipulates that each team participating in the Tour gives their commitment not to field a rider who could damage the image of the race."
Seriously, Tom. How could you do this? Now I'm going to have to watch Robbie fucking McEwan win the points competition! Do you realize how traumatic that will be? I might end up kicking my TV in!
Christ, the Tour this year is going to be so gorram boring. Now the only reason I have to give a damn about the points classification is the vain hope that Thor Hushovd can beat Robbie McEwan. There will be no Tom Boonen looking really pretty and giving adorable interviews and bitchslapping Robbie McEwan. Astana is banned, so no Contador and no Leipheimer in the GC. Slipstream will be there, but we all know Zabriskie will break his collarbone or something in the third stage, just like he always does. High Road will be there, so there's Hincapie, at least. I suppose I can spend time mocking his inability to say a complete sentence without using the word "uh" 14 times. Barloworld is back, and they pretty much rocked last year. Still it's a weak field. According to this Wikipedia article, the riders with the greatest chance of winning the GC are Cadel Evans, Denis Menchov, Carlos Sastre, and Alejandro Valverde. Mauricio Soler of Barloworld is in the top ten of likely contenders, which is awesome, but still shows how weak the field is overall. Barloworld isn't even a pro-tour team. However, since I don't give a shit about any of the other people in the likely GC contenders, and Soler was pretty cool last year, I suppose I'll root for him this year.
There. My 2008 Tour de France hopes rest on Mauricio Soler and Thor Hushovd. Hooray.
Image used under a Creative Commons license from Cindy Trossaert.