(no subject)
I don't like to talk.....generally. Although with people I'm close to, I could perhaps talk their ear off..
I especially don't like it when I'm with someone, and there is no conversation going on; I feel awkward, and force myself to think of things to fill up that terrible, terrible sound of silence. But in situations like these, the only "fillers" I can think of are nonsensical rubbish that do not interest the other party.....and we lapse into silence again.. But sometimes....I meet up with people who just....for lack of better description...just talk too much. As much as I don't like people who are too quiet (but if we can't click, it can't be helped - I'd rather be shot of people l can't click with), I also despise it when people talk too much.
Too loudly, too exuberantly (can anyone be so hyper and happy all the time? to be at that level of happiness all the time?). As if to prove a point. What point? The fake exuberance can be smelt from miles away! The only people who can click with such people, are, IMHO, birds of the same feather. And I do not belong in that group.
I tried (just to experience what it was like being in such a group, for a day), but that sapped the energy out of me. And I felt like I was betraying myself by betraying my own, true, emotions and feelings. Worth it? No. But people who use fake exuberance to 'reel' in others, seem to attract more people than quiet ones like me. Can the others not read them?
Of course, I'v met loads of people who are naturally exuberant. That is what makes them cute, and the reason why I actually LIKE them. As opposed to having to pretend to like those fake-ly exuberant people. (And I don't pretend very well, just ask those people who know I don't like them)
Off-tangent!
Anyway, my point being that I have to be around people constantly...and....one of whom just talks too much *big sigh* It takes ages to walk to our point of destination, another age to eat, and yet another age to walk back. Lunch hour gone. -.-" It's not that I don't like her...don't get me wrong. Just, I like peace and quiet. Talking nineteen-to-the-dozen is fine, but not when we're not that close, and the topics are not mutually common interests...instead, it's me who has to find 'common ground', so to speak, so that it is not a one-sided conversation. (although it mostly is)
I seem to attract alot of lonely people, and 'outcasts'...must be those 'listener' cues I give out. Those head-nodding, mm hmm?, yea?, uh huh?, exactly! gestures. My second-youngest cousin talks my ear off, at my previous company this old guy (extremely intelligent and opinionated!) talked my ear off, now there's this other lady who also talks my ear off.
WHY?! Do I have this benign, kindly, understanding look on my features? No I don't! In fact I believe I give that I'm-busy-don't-talk-to-me look to people, that's why most people don't talk to me. So, why?!
This is torture, especially for a girl who likes nothing better than to curl up with a book. Yes....the library's one of my fav places.
もちろん、友達がほしいです。But too much, too fast? To put it crudely, it's like them attempting to dig your nose when you aren't even prepared to let them close enough to touch your nose.