Only Hope (2/2)
Only Hope (2/2)
Part 1
“Kyungsoo” You’re back.” Jongin spit his coke into his full plate as he heard Baekhyun’s voice loud enough for the whole cafeteria to hear. He quickly wiped his mouth with a napkin and bent his head down, pretending to clean the mess he created.
“Hello.” He heard Kyungsoo speak back, his voice still sore from the flu. Jongin remembered the way Kyungsoo spoke to him, the way his eyes lit up when he spoke about something he liked, his lips forming these weird shapes, and really Kyungsoo had nice lips. He wiped that one spot on the table a little harder as Kyungsoo’s lips came into his head again.
“Feeling better?”
“Yeah much, thanks for visiting me.” They went to visit Kyungsoo without telling him, how could they do that. Clearly Luhan knew something was going on, couldn’t he have at least asked Jongin if he wanted to join them to and visit Kyungsoo. How long had they known he was sick, why didn’t they tell him?
You never even asked. They don’t even know you interact with each other. A small voice in his head replied, but still. Jongin began to tear his paper napkin into tiny shreds as Kyungsoo thanked them all individually for visiting him and bringing him things.
“Jongin.” The paper napkin fell down and Jongin slowly raised his head. It’s funny the effect that
Kyungsoo’s voice had on him, he was so drawn to it that he had no option but to look at the owner of the voice when he says his name. “Thanks for coming to visit me.”
Jongin choked on his own saliva this time, as he remembered their last meeting. He felt his cheeks heat up and his ears redden as he nodded his head at Kyungsoo. Of course Jongin didn’t look away, instead his eyes chose to roam around Kyungsoo’s face until it settled on his lips, and Jongin sat there staring at his lips for a few seconds before he realised no one was saying anything and Jongdae was looking at Jongin with an amused look on his face.
“What?” His voice came out, this time it didn’t shock anyone. Jongin realised they had gotten accustomed to his sudden reactions when it came to Kyungsoo.
“Nothing, Jongdae asked if you wanted to join us all for dinner tonight.” Sehun said from his side.
Jongin quickly shook his head and looked away from them, choosing to stare outside the window instead. He heard chairs scraping and he heard Luhan say, “Kyungsoo I’ll pick you up from yours at six okay?”
Jongin’s hand immediately shot forward and latched onto Sehun’s. He turned his head to find Sehun staring at him in surprise.
“Pick me up?”
The look on Sehun’s face was what Jongin liked to call a “Jongdae face.” It was one of those faces that Jongdae made when he knew something special. Sehun smirked at Jongin and nodded his head, “Yeah around five thirty okay?”
Jongin nodded his head as Sehun got up and slung his bag over his shoulder, “If I’m late it’s because Luhan’s taking too long to get dressed.”
Jongin was about to nod his head when he realised that Sehun was coming with Luhan and Luhan had told Kyungsoo that he would pick him up at six, did that mean he was going with Sehun and Luhan to pick up Kyungsoo?
As if realising what Jongin was thinking, Sehun bent down. “Yeah, we’ll pick Kyungsoo after we pick you up.”
Jongin looked at his stash of paper napkins as he felt himself blush. “See you later Jongin.” He nodded his head at his best friend.
Of course it dawned on him later, if Luhan knew Sehun would know. Was he so blatantly obvious with his liking towards Kyungsoo?
☀For the first time in one year Jongin found himself staring in front of his closet trying to think of what to wear. Usually he threw on whatever first came to his hand not today. He had been standing there for the past fifteen minutes, his eyes travelling through mess in his closet. Did he really care this much about Kyungsoo to actually care about what he was going to wear?
Fifteen minutes later, he decided on his clothes and stared at his reflection in the mirror. What to do with his hair? Should he leave it as is? Or should he push it back? Or maybe to the side?
His phone rang disturbing him from concentration on his hair. It was Sehun.
“Hey, we’re down.”
“Yeah, I’m coming.” Jongin replied, before ending the call and taking one last look at the mirror. This would have to do then.
.
When he got downstairs, Sehun beeped and Jongin ran over. Once he was in, Luhan turned in his seat and smiled at Jongin.
“You look nice.” Sehun glanced at him through the rear view mirror and Jongin felt himself redden.
“Thanks.”
“Okay let’s go get Kyungsoo!” Luhan practically sang from the front, smiling at Sehun.
He knew the road to Kyungsoo’s place and that made the ride even more nerve wrecking. His hands were getting clammy and sweaty. He was pretty sure he was starting to sweat when they came to the street that Kyungsoo lived in.
Kyungsoo was standing outside when they got there and when he got in and saw Jongin inside the car his mouth opened in surprise before he smiled at Jongin.
“Hey Kyungsoo, sorry we got a bit late. Luhan got late getting dressed.”
“Stop blaming me. It was your fault this time.” Luhan replied before turning and smiling at Kyungsoo,” Sorry we got late, Sehun got late getting dressed.”
Sehun shook his head and kept driving. Kyungsoo laughed at them both and Jongin felt his insides churn at the sound of his laugh. It was like music to his ears.
“Hi Jongin.” Jongin jumped at the sound of Kyungsoo’s voice, he turned to his right side to find Kyungsoo looking at him.
Jongin nodded his head, “I thought you weren’t coming.”
Jongin shook his head. “Have we gone back to not talking anymore?”
No I’m just nervous around you. He wanted to say but nothing came out, before he could form a reply Kyungsoo turned away from him, facing the window, and Jongin scowled mentally slapping himself.
Soon Luhan began talking to Kyungsoo, and Jongin relaxed at the sound of Kyungsoo’s voice next to him. He watched as Kyungsoo animatedly responded to Luhan’s every single question, his hands moving with actions and his face forming cute reactions for everything he said.
“We’re here.” Jongin watched as Kyungsoo got out excitedly. He watched as Kyungsoo greeted all of his friends and he felt a pang in his chest. When he got of the car, Baekhyun smiled the widest smile he’d ever seen and wrapped his arms around him.
“Heyy, you came.” Jongin nodded his head as the rest of his friends patted him on his back and walked inside the restaurant. He searched for the familiar flop of hair but couldn’t find it. Where was Kyungsoo?
Kyungsoo watched from his place while all of the guys patted and hugged Jongin. Was this the first time he had come out since that day? He saw Jongin’s eyes look for something and quickly made his way so he was standing next to him. Jongin craned his neck and when Kyungsoo nudged him, he jumped from his place and turned to the side. Kyungsoo saw something akin to relief pass through his eyes as he locked eyes with Kyungsoo.
“You guys coming in?” Jongdae asked standing near the door.
Jongin quickly nodded his head and walked in but stopped near the door to let Kyungsoo pass before him.
“Thanks.”
Kyungsoo would have not agreed to come if he knew liquor was involved. He had the worst tolerance for liquor. The worst. He also had this thing about him where he couldn’t refuse when something was offered to him.
So when the drink were offered, he drank. After about the fifth shot he realised that he felt like he was flying on top of some cloud. He felt so light weighted like a feather. He wanted to stand up and sing. Yeah that’s exactly what he wanted to do.
“Kyungsoo buddy you okay?” Jongdae’s voice rang out from somewhere down below him. They should really join him up here, it was much better than down there.
“I’m greeeeeeeeat.” Kyungsoo sang, because he was indeed great. There was nothing to worry about, he was so happy. He realised that Jongin was sitting in front of him staring at him and glared back. “Why are you looking at me? Don’t look at me, I get all gooey when you do that. You know I feel like puddle of goo.”
Jongin looked back at Kyungsoo in surprise, then at his friends.
“I think he’s done.” Chanyeol said, biting back a laugh.
“I want to sing. Can I sing?”
“Umm no Kyungsoo I think we need to take you home.”
“But I don’t wanna go home. I want to stay with you guys.” Kyungsoo whined, dropping his head on the table.
“Who’s going to drop him home?”
“I don’t wanna go home guys.”
“I’ll take him.” Jongin spoke up, his own response a surprise to him. But he wanted to take Kyungsoo home.
“You’ll take him home?” Sehun asked from the side
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to go home with him, he makes me feel weird.” Kyungsoo spoke his face still squashed on the table.
“Okay, Luhan and I will hitch a ride with Baek. You take our car.”
Jongin nodded and grabbed the keys Sehun gave him. He got out of the booth and pulled Kyungsoo up from his place. Kyungsoo mumbled something about touching his arm when Jongin dragged him out. He placed one of Kyungsoo’s arms on his shoulder.
Just as he was about to leave, Jongin felt something on his free arm. Jongdae pulled him down, “Don’t hurt him Jongin.”
Jongin stared a Jongdae and then looked at the rest of his friends, and gave a quick nod walking out with Kyungsoo hanging on his arm.
☀“I don’t like you Jongin.” They had got caught in the traffic, and Jongin had been listening to Kyungsoo sing some song he had never heard before for the past fifteen minutes before he suddenly decided it was time to talk.
“You don’t?” Jongin found himself replying to Kyungsoo, his lips forming a smile.
“Nope. I. don’t.like.you.” he said poking Jongin’s cheek with his hand. The colour light turned green and Jongin made a right turn. “I don’t like how your hair is all so fluffy that it makes me want to run my hands through it. I don’t like your eyes, because they are so inviting like I can keep staring at your eyes because they are so pretty.” Jongin gripped the steering wheel tightly.
“I don’t like you because you make me feel so weird, I can’t even sleep without thinking about you. Why do you that Jongin?”
Jongin glanced at Kyungsoo who was looking at him with glassy eyes. He felt his heart beat quicken at the choice of Kyungsoo’s words. They were five minutes away from his apartment complex and Jongin found himself slowing down wanting to hear more of Kyungsoo.
“I don’t like you because you hurt me. You barely talk back to me. You know how much I savour the times you say something back to me. I replay those moments in my head over and over again, because that’s the only time I get to hear your voice. Why don’t you talk to me? Do you hate me that much?”
“No I don’t hate you.”
“Then why?”
They were in front of the house.
“Because-I-get nervous around you.”
Kyungsoo burst into a fit of laughter and started slapping Jongin’s arm. “You get nervous? That’s funny. In case you didn’t notice I’m a wreck around you.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I like you very very much.” Jongin stared at Kyungsoo for the longest time before Kyungsoo leaned forward and pressed his lips against his. In the spur of the moment, Jongin found himself kissing Kyungsoo back and it felt so good, to finally feel Kyungsoo’s lips after imagining them forever. Somewhere in the back of his mind, there something nagging him, but he pushed it away biting down on Kyungsoo’s lower lip. Kyungsoo grabbed a fistful of Jongin’s shirt as he pushed himself towards Jongin, his hands running wildly through Jongin’s hair. They kept kissing like that, until Kyungsoo moved his hands from Jongin’s hair to under his shirt. Warning bells went off in Jongin’s head and he pulled away, his breaths coming in gasps. Kyungsoo’s lips were swollen and red, and Jongin wanted so badly to kiss him again. Instead he got out of the car, and went to Kyungsoo’s side. Opening the door, he helped Kyungsoo out of the car who kept quiet.
He walked Kyungsoo to door of his apartment and waited until a short brown haired boy opened the door and gave him a bright smile.
“Ah Jongin Hello. Kyungsoo you’re back.” Kyungsoo stumbled into the house and the boy went back to inside.
“Do you want to come in?” Kyungsoo almost sounded sober and the thought scared Jongin.
“No, I’m going to get going.”
“Okay.” He sounded broken that Jongin almost went inside with him. But he just turned around and walked away instead, he heard the door close behind him and he flinched at the sound of it.
When he got back in the car, he touched his lips. What had he just done?
Jongin took out his phone, “Hey, can I come over?”
☀“Jongin! It’s so good to see you again!” Arms were thrown around him and he felt an odd sensation of old comfort.
“Hi. Am I bothering you?” Jongin asked the woman standing in front of him.
“No no I don’t sleep until later. Come on in.”
Jongin walked in to the house that he been so familiar with once upon a time. He followed the woman into the kitchen and sat on a stool.
“Want me to make you a hot chocolate?”
“Yes please.” Jongin nodded, and the woman smiled at him. Her once youthful appearance had now faded, she had eye bags underneath her eyes and looked tired. Jongin knew what she was going through, he was going through the same thing.
“You haven’t changed.” She said turning around and fishing out a cookie box from the cupboard. “Here have some cookies. I don’t know why I still buy those. It’s not like he’s here to eat them.”
There was silence in the kitchen, and Jongin finally spoke up, ”I like someone.”
She turned around with a big smile on her face while mixing the milk and sugar. “That’s great, tell me about him.”
“He’s-he’s amazing.” Jongin realised that Kyungsoo really was amazing, and there was no other way to describe the other boy.
“Yeah? Did you tell him that?”
Jongin shook his head, burying his head in his hand.
“Does he like you back?”
“Yeah I think so, he told me today.”
“So what’s the problem?” Jongin kept quiet and began tearing a cookie in his hand. “Ah my son.”
There was more silence, and Jongin felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up to find his boyfriend’s mother smiling at him.
“He would have wanted you to be happy. I know my son Jongin, I may not know why he did what he did. But I know he loved you very much and I know he wanted you to be happy no matter what. It’s been a year and I understand how hard it is for you, but don’t let this chance at happiness slide away from you. Don’t let my son be disappointed in you, you have always made him proud. Make him proud once again, by following your heart. Its okay to fall in love again Jongin. That doesn’t mean you are forgetting him, you are simply moving on. I’m not telling you to forget him no one who has loved him can do that, but that doesn’t mean you have to constantly live in the shadow of the past. The past you shared with him, it’s time to make new memories, with someone new.”
Jongin wrapped his arms around her, burying his head in her neck. He knew she would tell him what he wanted to hear.
“Okay."
“Good boy.” She replied smiling at him again, now let me go finish making that hot chocolate before you decide to leave to pursue that boy.”
"Thank you." he replied, squeezing her hand before she moved away from him.
☀“What the hell did you say or do to Kyungsoo? He looks like a dead person today and it’s not because he’s having a hangover.”
Sehun cornered him when he entered his first class. Truthfully he was expecting Jongdae or Luhan so he surprised and glad when it was Sehun who caught him first.
“The others want to kill you. You should be lucky I found you first. Let’s skip class and go for some bubble tea.”
“Okay, let’s go.” Sehun nodded his head grabbing his bag and following Jongin out of the room.
Sehun was sipping on his favourite chocolate bubble tea when Jongin told him what happened.
“So you kissed him, and then stopped and walked him to his apartment and then you left.” Sehun asked back, choking on a tapioca ball.
“He kissed me first!” Jongin whined dropping his head to the table.
Sehun laughed and Jongin looked up and glared at him, “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just good to see you like this again.”
“About that. I know you know I’ve been super hard to handle, but you---“
“Enough, stop please, that’s what friends are for.”
“No but you guys had it really bad with me, I mean-“
“Jongin enough okay? I know where you’re going with it and you’re my best friend I wouldn’t have done anything differently. None of us would.”
“Thank you. For everything, for always being there. I never said it, but I appreciated everything you did for me.”
“Yeah, you’re welcome. It’s just good to have you kinda back.”
“Yeah me too. It’s good to have me back.”
Sehun smiled and then smirked at Jongin, “I think you’ll have to tell the story again.”
“Why so you can laugh at me some more?”
“No, because we’d like to know what happened too.” Jongin banged his head on the table as Luhan, Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol slipped into their booth.
☀“You’re lucky you’re not sitting next to me.” Jongdae said, his eyes forming slits as he glared at Jongin but in a sort of affectionate way.
“Kyungsoo is still in class by the way. Jongdae convinced him to stay and practice because he sounded ‘rusty’.” Luhan spoke up, his lips forming a mischievous smile.
“You want me to go and talk to him now?”
“Yeah why do you want to wait until he erases his feelings for you from his head?” Jongdae asked, still glaring at him.
Jongin winced at the look and nodded his head, better to get this off his chest. “Okay, I’ll go.”
“Things better be happy and good when you two walk out of that room.” Jongdae yelled at the top of his voice when Jongin was about to leave earning glares from other customers.
☀“Kyungsoo.” The name sounded foreign on Jongin’s lips but he liked how easily it rolled out.
The shorter boy turned around on his seat and froze. Jongin walked in and closed the door behind him. Kyungsoo got up from his seat immediately moving to his bag.
“I-I have-to “
“Can we talk? Please?” Kyungsoo froze at Jongin’s words. This was the first time he had heard Jongin speaking clearly and it was making his knees go weak. He quickly nodded his head, keeping his back turned.
“It’s about last night-“
Kyungsoo immediately whirled around, he was expecting this. For Jongin to come and say he couldn’t do what Kyungsoo wanted him to do, actually he expected Jongin to ignore him but a part of him hoped Jongin would come and talk to him so Kyungsoo could clear the situation and forget it happened. Even though every inch of his body wanted to remember what happened. His whole body burned with desire to kiss Jongin again.
“Listen I’m sorry I kissed you okay. I don’t know what I was thinking, and I know that you are still hung over your boyfriend and I shouldn’t have. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for doing that.”
“But I liked it.”
“Yeah we can totally forg-“
“Wait what?”
“I said I liked it. The kiss.”
“But-but you-“
“I like you Kyungsoo. Much more than I should actually. Last night I didn’t know what to do. I kissed you back, and it was supposed to feel wrong, but it didn’t and I’m not still hung over my former boyfriend. You made sure of that.”
Kyungsoo felt himself blush from head to toe and it was like he was floating again. Like he was a few feet off the ground.
“You are something out of this world. Nobody has ever been as persistent as you to get me to become my old self again. My friends yes, but since they knew what happened they went easy on me. But you, God you just pushed yourself on to me and kept talking and talking and I held on to you because you made me feel. You made me, me again.” Jongin walked up to Kyungsoo cupping his face in his hands.
“I can never forget my past memories, or my past love. But you’ll help me make new memories and fall in love again right?” The tears he had been holding came falling down as Kyungsoo nodded his head before pulling Jongin towards himself and kissing him. He wrapped his arms around the boy and he was so glad he was sober this time, he could every inch of his body light up as Jongin kissed him back just as desperately. Jongin smiled into the kiss and Kyungsoo gasped,
“Did you just smile? Like a real smile?”
Jongin laughed before pulling Kyungsoo towards himself, “Yeah I’ve been doing that a lot lately.” He said before pressing their lips back together.
☀“Don’t you think it’s wrong of us to spy on them like this?”
“Nonsense, why are you being so goody all of a sudden? You had no problem doing it when Sehun was confessing to Luhan.” Jongdae replied, peeping back through the window at Jongin and Kyungsoo.
“You guys spied on me and Luhan?” Sehun asked, leaning against the pillar while the rest of his friends trying to get a look at Jongin and Kyungsoo.
“Yeah, it was cute to see you all fidgety and not your usual annoying self.”
“Wait where did they go?” Baekhyun asked, moving his head up and down trying to get a look into the room.
Luhan came to Sehun’s side, entwining their hands together when Jongin came outside holding Kyungsoo’s hand. Sehun smirked at him, as they stared at Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol looking through the window trying to get a look at where they disappeared to.
Sehun mouthed the words, “Get out of here.” to Jongin, tossing his keys to him. Jongin nodded his head grinning at Luhan and Sehun. Kyungsoo waved at them as Jongin dragged him to the car.
“Sehun someone’s taking your car.” Jongdae stated as he looked back and saw Sehun’s car being driven away and Sehun still standing next to them.
“Yeah,” Sehun replied nonchalantly, smiling at Luhan, “I know.”