Only Hope (1/2)
Title - Only Hope (1/2)
Pairing - Jongin/Kyungsoo, Minor Sehun/Luhan, Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Rating - PG
Genre - Romance
Word Count - 9963 words
Summary - Jongin finds himself again when Kyungsoo decides to be a steady presence in his life.
Author's Note - For phos_phenes A small present from me. I hope you like it.
also I realized too late that this story was too big to fit in one post, so I broke it up at some random point.
“Jongin? Jongin?”
“He’s not listening Chanyeol, let him be.”
“This is getting ridiculous Baek, he’s been like this since that day. This isn’t good for him and, frankly, it’s getting painful to see him like this.”
“There’s nothing we can do. He just needs time to heal. You know how close they were.”
The tanned boy got up from his seat next to the red haired boy and walked away without saying a word, dumping his untouched food in the trash can, he left the building leaving his two worried friends behind.
“Hey guys!” The two boys shifted their attention towards the familiar voice. Jongdae weaved his way through the crowded cafeteria, pulling another boy with large eyes with him.
“Hey Jongdae.” Baekhyun greeted his friend, before giving a friendly smile to the stranger.
“Right, this is Kyungsoo, he just joined today and he’s in vocal class with me so I thought I’d bring him and introduce him to you guys.”
“Hey Kyungsoo, I’m Baekhyun and this is Chanyeol. Nice to meet you.”
“Hi. It’s nice to meet you too.”
“Where’s Jongin?” Jongdae asked, sitting down at their usual table while motioning Kyungsoo to do the same. Baekhyun and Chanyeol tensed at the question.
“Right.” Jongdae replied. “Anyway, Kyungsoo, next time you come for lunch, one of us is bound to be here so you can just sit with us, okay?”
“Okay, thanks.”
☀
“You are going to injure yourself if you keep going at it like that.” Sehun said, leaning against the mirror watching his best friend Jongin dance. He’d been watching Jongin repeat the dance routine for the past hour, even though they both knew he’d perfected it when their instructor had first shown it to them.
“Jongin.” Sehun said, walking up to his friend. It was clear the boy needed to stop. He was drenched with sweat, he had lost a lot of weight, and there were eye bags underneath his once lively eyes. This was not the same Jongin he had made friends with. This was not the Jongin who danced because he loved it.
“Jongin, stop. Please.” He grabbed the others hand. Jongin pushed him away, before slumping to the floor and burying his face in his hands. Sehun walked up to his best friend and sat down next to him. He slowly pulled Jongin towards him, allowing Jongin to rest his head on his chest. He didn’t need to look to know that Jongin was crying. He hated seeing Jongin like this.
Sehun stared at the mirrors that were reflecting them from every side and saw Luhan looking at them, standing by the door. Luhan stood staring at Sehun before walking over to them and enveloping them in his arms.
☀
Kyungsoo was late, he was very late for his class. He couldn’t believe he didn’t hear his alarm this morning. What would his professor say, it was only his first week and he was already late for a class. This would leave a bad impre-
“Ouch-“Kyungsoo barely had time to register what happened before he went tumbling down the stairs. Luckily he was only a few steps up, and when he opened his eyes he found a very handsome boy staring at him with empty hooded eyes.
“Are you okay?”
Kyungsoo moved his arms and legs around while lying on the floor and nodded his head. The handsome boy extended his hand out to Kyungsoo, who gladly took it. Once he was standing, he looked up at the boy who was staring at him. Kyungsoo stared back, knowing very well that it was not a good idea. People do not just stare at random strangers, but hey, this handsome creature was staring at him too.
“I’m going to take you to the infirmary.”
Kyungsoo finally stopped staring, “Oh no! It’s okay, I’m all right. See?” he said, moving his arms and legs like a complete idiot. Really, Kyungsoo knew exactly what to do to embarrass himself in front of good looking people. He should write a book about ‘How to embarrass yourself in front of handsome people’.
The other boy’s lips twitched in a barely there smile, before his expression became hard again. It was like he had made this deal that he wouldn’t smile no matter what happened.
“Your lip’s bleeding and you have a bruise on your face.”
“What?” Kyungsoo said, grabbing his phone and staring at his reflection on the screen. His eyes scrunched up in frustration. Why did things like this happen to him? “It’s okay, I’m already late for class, I don’t-“
“I’m taking you to the infirmary.”
“But-“
“Now.” He said grabbing Kyungsoo by the arm and pulling him with him. What is this person doing, really Kyungsoo was fine. He didn’t need to be taken to the infirmary like a child, and yet here he was allowing himself to be dragged like a child, by a complete stranger, to the infirmary .
Once the boy realised that Kyungsoo wasn’t going to fight him off, he let go of his arm.
They walked in silence, a very uncomfortable and awkward silence. Kyungsoo really hated awkward silences. So he decided to break it, “I’m Kyungsoo, what’s your name?”
The boy glanced to his side, not replying to Kyungsoo’s question. What was this person’s problem, first of all he still hadn’t even apologized for pushing Kyungsoo down the stairs, then he dragged Kyungsoo to the infirmary and now he was refusing to even introduce himself.
They arrived at the infirmary, and Kyungsoo walked in, with the boy standing at the door.
“What happened?” the nurse asked him, gently dabbing his lip with some tonic that burned.
“I fell-“
“I pushed him down the stairs.” Kyungsoo looked up at the boy who was standing at the door.
“It was an accident.” Kyungsoo clarified when the nurse gave the boy a horrified look, “I was in a hurry and I didn’t see him coming.”
The nurse nodded her head in understanding before continuing to tend to Kyungsoo. After she was done, Kyungsoo thanked her, noticing that the boy had left the room. He walked out with his bag on his shoulder, glancing at his watch he saw that he had already missed more than half of his lecture. So he decided to go to the library and maybe read up on the chapter they were supposed to do today, he can get the notes from Luhan anyway.
“Where is the library?” he muttered to himself, unsure of whether he was supposed to go right, or maybe left.
“It’s on the right side,” Kyungsoo jumped at the voice, glancing at his left side to see the boy standing there. “Just go down the stairs, and then you’ll know.”
“Thanks.” Kyungsoo replied before turning to leave, “and thanks for, you know, helping me out.”
The boy nodded his head, and Kyungsoo took that as an ‘it’s not a problem’. He turned to leave, when the boy spoke up again.
“It’s Jongin.”
Kyungsoo turned around to face the boy, who was this boy really? And why was he making Kyungsoo feel all weird?
“It’s nice to meet you Jongin. I’ll see you around. Thanks for today.” He said, smiling at the boy. Jongin stood staring at Kyungsoo for a good few seconds before nodding his head and turning around and walking away from him.
Kyungsoo turned around, smiling to himself, and walked towards the stairs.
☀
“Hey Kyungsoo! Over here.” Kyungsoo turned around towards Luhan’s voice. He was sitting with his friends that Kyungsoo did not know he was friends with. Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongdae grinned at him waving him over to their table. Kyungsoo’s eyes darted to the other two figures at their table. There was a boy with bleach blond hair mixed with pink highlights, and next to him was… Jongin.
Jongin raised his head from his food at the sound of Kyungsoo’s name, meeting the smaller boy’s gaze as he moved towards their table. Once Kyungsoo got to their table, he reverted his attention back to his food. His friends began to talk, introducing Sehun to Kyungsoo, but Jongin wasn’t listening. He vaguely heard Kyungsoo saying that he had met him before, but he doesn’t listen. He never listens.
Truthfully Jongin’s falling apart, he’s barely breathing. Sometimes he wonders why even still alive. He’s in so much pain, his heart has been torn into pieces. It hasn’t stopped bleeding, it hasn’t stopped bleeding since his boyfriend killed himself.
Everything had been perfect, or at least he thought it was. They were perfect, and yet one day he woke up to a call from Chanyeol telling him that he needed to go over to his boyfriend’s house immediately. So Jongin went, and he saw his boyfriend’s dead body being wheeled into an ambulance, he saw his boyfriend’s mother screaming for her son. He saw his best friends standing in front of him. Then he saw nothing.
He woke up to his mother’s voice, gently prodding him awake. He was told that his boyfriend had killed himself, swallowing more pills than his body could handle. Jongin had started crying, for he didn’t know what had caused his boyfriend to do that. The boy had left nothing, no reason as to why he did what he did. He had just left.
How can someone just leave like that?
The doctors had said, he needed therapy, so Jongin went to a psychiatrist every weekend to talk about his feelings. But how could he, when all he could feel was emptiness. It was his heart had been ripped out, and everything all of his emotions had just been taken away from him. Jongin had lost himself the day he lost the love of his life.
☀
“Jongin’s like that, you’ll get used to it.” Chanyeol told Kyungsoo taking note of Kyungsoo’s worried look when Jongin didn’t respond to anything. Kyungsoo nodded his head, but kept giving Jongin worried glances.
The other boys continued talking, occasionally asking Jongin if he agreed with them, but Jongin never gave them any sort of acknowledgement. But they never gave up, they kept prodding him every time they spoke about something. Eventually, Kyungsoo joined in, he was comfortable with this group.
“So Jongin what are you majoring in?” Everyone stopped talking, as Kyungsoo directed a question Jongin. Jongdae glanced at Kyungsoo in worry, bending down to whisper,
“Don’t take it personally if he doesn’t reply.” Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, he simply kept looking Jongin, who finally raised his head to look at Kyungsoo.
“Dance.”
Baekhyun’s eyes opened wide as he stared at Jongin. Clearly everyone at the table was having the same reaction to this new response from Jongin. Kyungsoo ignored them, as he smiled at Jongin, “Cool. I’m majoring in vocal performance.”
Jongin nodded his head at Kyungsoo before looking down at his food again. Kyungsoo smiled to himself, happy that he had gotten a response from the boy.
After lunch, Luhan cornered Kyungsoo.
“That’s the first time he has ever looked up from his food since---“
“Since what?”
“Never mind, it’s not my story to tell. But still, that was the first time, that’s why we all looked so surprised.”
“Oh okay.” Kyungsoo replied, unsure of what he was supposed to say next. Clearly feeling the same way Luhan cleared his throat, asking Kyungsoo which class he had next and offering to walk with him.
☀
Jongin. That was the only thing Kyungsoo could think about. The boy kept popping in his head all the time, he was always thinking about him, and he found himself staring at the boy a lot. He was intrigued by the tan, dark haired boy, and maybe he was a bit attracted to him too.
He got to see more of Jongin every day during lunch breaks, because he was now a part of Jongin’s friends’ group. The more he saw Jongin, the more curious he got, and the more he attracted he got towards the boy.
So it was decided, Kyungsoo would break Jongin’s façade.
“Jongin!” Kyungsoo yelled at the top of his lungs when he saw the said boy walking on the other side of the building. Obviously Kyungsoo did not get a response, so he yelled the boy’s name again, before running towards him. Once he was beside Jongin, he smiled at the boy, “Jongin, I was calling you from there.” He said pointing at where he previously was. “I guess you didn’t hear me. Mind if I walk with you, I have class in this building too.”
When Jongin said nothing, Kyungsoo took that as an “okay” and kept walking with Jongin. Determined to elicit some response from Jongin, Kyungsoo started talking about his day. Starting from the point where he had almost been run over by some guy on a bike, to how much he hated climbing the stairs to the vocal practice room. Due to this, he didn’t see the step in front of him, which caused him to trip and fall. He awaited the pain from landing on his face on the hard asphalt floor, but none came. Instead Kyungsoo opened his eyes, to find him facing the floor but with an arm wrapped around his waist.
Jongin pulled him up, and Kyungsoo mentally face palmed himself, reminding himself that this should go in his book. When he turned to thank Jongin, he found Jongin staring at him with an amused look on his face.
“Thanks.” He said sheepishly. Jongin nodded his head and kept walking. When he realised Kyungsoo wasn’t following him, he paused and Kyungsoo quickly ran to catch up to the boy. Smiling, because this was a small victory for him.
They stopped when he got to his class, Kyungsoo glanced at Jongin. “Well this is my class, thanks for walking with me.”
“Give me your schedule.”
“What?”
“Your schedule, give it to me.”
“Ummmm--- okay.” Kyungsoo rummaged through his bag to find the folded piece of paper. Jongin went through it, and handed it back to him.
Kyungsoo looked expectantly at Jongin waiting for him to clarify as to why he asked for his schedule. Jongin stared at Kyungsoo again, making Kyungsoo go red and feel weird all over.
And then Jongin turned to leave, leaving Kyungsoo completely dumbfounded.
“I have class in this building same time as you tomorrow.” Kyungsoo looked up at the boys retreating figure, and smiled to himself.
“Okay, I’ll meet you at the same place tomorrow!” he yelled out knowing the other boy heard him. Kyungsoo entered class, with a smile on his face, he was one step closer to figuring Jongin.
☀
“You look completely over the moon today.”
“I do?”
“Yeah you do.” Jongdae said, as he packed his bag, glancing at the smiling Kyungsoo. “What’s gotten in to you? Did you fall in love?”
Kyungsoo’s face turned red, and that was an enough answer for Jongdae.
“Oh God, you fell in love. Already? Kyungsoo it’s been like three months since you got here. You can’t fall in love in three months. That’s ridiculous.”
“What? It is not.”
“So it’s true, you are in love? Who is this person? Do I know him?” Kyungsoo nodded his head at Jongdae, eyes shining with happiness.
For the past month, Kyungsoo had been walking with Jongin to class in the same building where they had first started out. Jongin never spoke, it was always Kyungsoo. Sometimes though, Kyungsoo could see Jongin smiling just slightly, or glancing at him amusedly, and that was enough for Kyungsoo. Doing this repeatedly for so many days, it was no surprise when Kyungsoo realised his feelings for the quiet, sullen boy had grown.
Jongin never made any attempt to stop him either, so he kept falling and falling.
“If I tell you, do you promise not to tell anyone?”
“Yeah yeah, cross my heart and hope to die.” Jongdae said, smiling at Kyungsoo. He liked seeing this side of Kyungsoo, it was cute.
“It’s Jongin.” Jongdae’s face darkened, as he looked back at Kyungsoo. The smile he had a few minutes ago, replaced by a frown.
“No.”
“What?”
“You’re going to get hurt.”
“What are you talking about? Look it just happened okay. We’ve been hanging out-“
“You hung out with Jongin?”
“Well no, not really but I---“
“You are going to get hurt.”
Kyungsoo was getting ticked off now, what was it to Jongdae that he liked Jongin. It was none of his business. He regretted telling him already.
“I know Jongin. I’ve known him for a long time. He’s been through a lot Kyungsoo. Much more than you can imagine.”
“What does that have to do with how I feel towards him?”
“Because he’s never going to reciprocate those feelings.”
“And why is that?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
Kyungsoo groaned in frustration, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door, as he was about to leave Jongdae spoke up, “It’s not my story to tell. I’m sorry Kyungsoo, I was just being honest. I don’t want you to get hurt. None of us do.”
“Well you should have warned me about Jongin before then, because it’s far too late for me to stop liking him. Which means I’m going to end up getting hurt.”
☀
Kyungsoo met Jongin with a frown on his face, and Jongin frowned to himself, because this was not the usual hyper Kyungsoo that walked with him to class. For the past month, he’d allowed the smaller boy to walk with him to class, he didn’t know why he did that, but Kyungsoo took his mind off things. Kyungsoo was a distraction from his inner demons. He was intrigued by Kyungsoo, he knew it. He wanted to know more about the boy, but he refused to acknowledge it. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. He would never forget his first love, he refused to. But dammit Kyungsoo was making that hard. He found himself thinking about Kyungsoo much more than he should everyday.
“Jongdae was being an ass.” Kyungsoo puffed out as he walked next to Jongin. “Don’t even ask what he said, because I’m not going to tell you.”
Jongin smiled to himself, he knew Kyungsoo knew he’d never ask anything. But he spoke like Jongin would anyway. Like Jongin was actively taking part in these conversations when all along it’s been only him.
They arrived at his class, and Kyungsoo turned to the door. Before Jongin left he heard Kyungsoo’s voice float through the air, “Will you ever talk back with me?”
Jongin turned around to meet Kyungsoo’s sad eyes. I will try to he wanted to say, but nothing came out. He just stood staring at Kyungsoo, until Kyungsoo’s eyes got glassy and he gave Jongin a painful smile and waved him off, walking back in to the class.
Jongin went to dance class, feeling like a complete ass. He didn’t want to do this anymore, he didn’t want to make his friends suffer anymore. He was fed up of his life, living like this.
“You look worse than usual.”
Jongin looked up to the voice of his best friend, when Sehun gave him a worried look he turned away. He couldn’t bear for his friends to suffer because of him, but he knew they were. He knew how worried they were, how much they cared for him. And yet why was he doing this to them.
“Jongin,” Sehun’s hand came into contact with his shoulder, “I’m here for you. I’m always here for you. We all are.”
He turned around, his eyes becoming hazy. He gave Sehun a quick nod before walking towards the corner of the dance room. Sehun sighed, looking at his best friend. This has got to end. Jongin didn’t deserve to live with this kind of pain.
“He’ll be fine.” Luhan said, grabbing Sehun’s hand. “He’ll come back to us, eventually. He knows we’ll be here when he does.”
Sehun nodded his head, wiping the tears that had stained his cheeks.
☀
Jongin didn’t know what he was feeling, but he liked it when Kyungsoo spoke to him, he liked when the boy walked next to him. So when Kyungsoo didn’t show up the whole of next week to accompany Jongin like he usually did, Jongin felt weird and so he waited. He hoped Kyungsoo would eventually show up, but that never happened, Jongin waited until ten minutes after the bell had rung, bent his head down and walked to class. While passing Kyungsoo’s class, he noticed that the boy wasn’t in class either and felt even weirder. That whole week, Kyungsoo didn’t show up for Uni at all.
On the day before the weekend Jongin walked to class with a worried look plastered on his face.
“Well that’s not a look we usually see on him.” Luhan said, smiling slightly at Jongin. Sehun immediately walked up to Jongin and stopped him
.
“You okay?”
Jongin nodded his head, walked past Sehun and dropped his bag on the floor. He didn’t say anything throughout class not like any one was surprised, Jongin never spoke in class or outside of class.
“Something’s not right, he’s not his usual sad self today.”
Luhan smiled knowingly, “I think I might know why.”
Sehun titled his head, and looked at his boyfriend, “Why?”
“I’m not telling you.” Luhan said, sticking his tongue out and walking way but not before planting a kiss on Sehun’s cheek.
Forty-five minutes later Jongin didn’t know what he was doing as his feet carried him to Luhan. Sehun watched him from the other side of the room as Luhan turned around to face Jongin and his eyes widened.
Jongin stood there in front of Luhan for who knows how long until Luhan finally broke the silence, “Kyungsoo is fine, he’s down with the flu.”
Jongin looked up from his shoes and met a smiling Luhan. He felt his face heat up, how had Luhan known what he was going to ask him. Looking at Luhan’s smiling face, he felt his lips also stretch into a small smile, and Luhan’s smile widened even more if that was possible.
“You want to go see him? I know where he lives.” Luhan said, quickly taking out a pen and paper and jotting down an address before shoving it into Jongin’s hand. “He’ll like it if you go see him.”
Jongin didn’t say anything, just shoved the paper in the pocket of his pants. He wanted to say thank you to Luhan, but nothing came out so he settled for a small smile instead.
Luhan smiled again, “You’re welcome.”
“You okay?” Sehun asked when Jongin came to get his bags. Jongin nodded his head, but Sehun continued to look at him in a worried way.
As he slung his bag over his shoulder, he looked at his best friend of ten years still looking at him worriedly, he owed Sehun. He owed Sehun and all of his other friends so much.
“I’m okay.” Sehun’s eyes widened in surprise, as he pulled Jongin towards himself and gave him a bone crushing hug.
“I’m glad man, I’m glad.”
Jongin nodded his head, and gave a small smile. He’s being doing that a lot lately. He’s being doing that since Kyungsoo started smiling at him every five minutes. He left class, his hands in his pockets, one gripping the piece of paper tightly.
“He’s smiling again.”
“Yeah he is.”
The door to the dance room burst open and Chanyeol came in with Baekhyun.
“Jongin-Jongin passed by just now.” Chanyeol said, his voice full of wonder. Baekhyun smiled next to him.
“He smiled at us.”
Luhan laughed, “Yeah he’s been doing that today.”
“Where is he off to?”
Luhan smiled and grabbed Sehun’s hand, “He’s going to see Kyungsoo.”
“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asked, his face scrunched up in confusion, and then his expression calmed down, “Ahh Kyungsoo.”
“What Kyungsoo what? What the hell am I missing here?”
“Sehun my man, sometimes I wonder if you ever pay attention to what’s going on around you.”
☀
He was really losing it, he was standing in front of the apartment that Kyungsoo lived and he didn’t know why he was actually there. It was not like he’s best friends with Kyungsoo, he barely talks to the boy, but Kyungsoo makes him feel weird. He doesn’t mind that Kyungsoo does this to him though, because Kyungsoo makes Jongin feel, and he hasn’t been able to feel for a very long time.
He didn’t know what he was doing when he rang the doorbell. Jongin contemplated on whether he should turn around and run then, because he really didn’t know what he was doing. But when Kyungsoo opened the door and gave him the most breath-taking smile, all of his worries went flying out the window.
“You came.” He whispered smiling. “Come in!” He then said loudly, his voice nasally and tired. But that didn't stop him from talking. Jongin walked in, taking off his shoes and marveling at the cleanliness of the whole apartment, his was nothing was like this. It was so bright and nice. His apartment however was dark, filled with memories of the past that kept coming back to haunt him every day.
“Luhan said you might come, so I cleaned up a bit,” Jongin smiled in his head, Luhan. “Joonmyun is out with his boyfriend Yixing so I’m home alone. Do you want something to eat or drink?”
Jongin shook his head, and sat down on the pristine looking sofa, “Well I’m hungry so I’m going order pizza. Which flavour do you like? I like cheese.”
Kyungsoo grabbed the phone, and flopped on the other sofa, “not going to sit next to you, because you might get sick.” he said dialling a number he had clearly memorized. “Should I get you another flavour?” he then said, tilting his head to look at Jongin.
Jongin finally opened his mouth, “Its fine. I like cheese.”
Kyungsoo gave Jongin another one of his breath-taking smiles, “Oh Good! Oh Hello.” Kyungsoo said to Jongin and then to the receiver and then began listing his order.
Jongin chose to stare at Kyungsoo, he’d never really admitted to himself, but on the first day when he met Kyungsoo he had found the other boy cute. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t cheat he couldn’t like someone else, he wouldn’t do that.
But then he unknowingly had started to like Kyungsoo, the boy was so persistent and he barely knew Jongin. Kyungsoo to Jongin was like a bright spot in his dark life.
“You’re staring.”
Jongin’s train of thoughts stopped as he cleared his throat and looked towards the large plastic plant that was kept in a pot in the corner of the room.
“Is that plant better to look at than my face?”
Jongin felt his cheeks heat up at Kyungsoo’s question, he quickly moved his eyes towards the television and he heard Kyungsoo shift in his place.
“Want to watch some TV?”
No, I’d like to keep staring at you Jongin nodded his head pushing away other thoughts. National Geography was playing at that time, and Jongin really couldn’t care less about the most dangerous predators on earth, he was more interested in staring at Kyungsoo’s lips. Kyungsoo had gotten engrossed in the program after about ten minutes and Jongin had gone back to staring at him. Kyungsoo had very nice lips, full and plump. He wondered what it would be like to kiss them.
Jongin shook his head, what was wrong with him? He wasn’t supposed to have thoughts like this. It took him about another thirty seconds to realise Kyungsoo was now staring back at him, the sound of the television just a background noise now. They both embarked on a staring contest and Jongin realised that Kyungsoo had moved to the sofa that he was at. Didn’t he say he didn’t’ want to make Jongin sick?
Kyungsoo shifted until he was about five centimeters from Jongin, they were both still staring at each other and Jongin’s eyes moved to the other boy’s lips. He felt his heart beat quicken at an unsteady pace and his eyes shut in response. His body clearly moving on its own, leaned towards Kyungsoo and he felt Kyungsoo lean towards him too.
Just a little more and their lips would finally meet. What was that ringing?
Kyungsoo jumped back at the sound of the doorbell, he cursed the stupid doorbell and whoever it was that rang it because he had been so close to kissing Kim Jongin when the stupid thing went off. He was angry and blushing from head to toe when he answered the door.
“What?”
“Umm Pizza delivery?”
“Did you have to come now?”
“I’m sorry sir, do you want me to come later? I can-“
“No, just give me the stupid pizzas.” Kyungsoo replied, taking the box and handing the money to the delivery guy. It wasn’t his fault but still Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel annoyed.
When he got to the living room, Jongin was standing up, pacing the room. When he heard Kyungsoo come in, he stopped walking and stared. Kyungsoo watched as Jongin’s eyes went from staring at his face to staring at his lips. He felt oddly conscious of what he might look like to Jongin. What was he even wearing? Jongin shook his head like a lost puppy and opened his mouth to speak and closed it again.
Kyungsoo kept quiet, waiting for Jongin to speak. After repeating the motion of opening and closing his mouth like a fish would, Jongin finally ran his hands through his hair, “Umm-I can’t stay for dinner. Got stuff to do. Yeah-umm lots of stuff. So-yeah, uhhh get well soon. Bye.”
Kyungsoo didn’t even get a chance to reply, Jongin left so fast. He was standing there with his mouth open for a good five minutes when his roommate Joonmyun walked in with Yixing.
“You ordered pizza?” Joonmyun’s voice came from behind him.
“Thanks buddy.” Yixing patted his cheek while helping himself to a slice. Kyungsoo moved and slumped down on the couch.
“I hate pizza!”
“Since when? I thought you loved pizza?”
“Since today, it ruined my almost kiss with Jongin.”
Yixing coughed on his drink dropping his slice of pizza on the floor, “You kissed Kim Jongin?”
“Almost, the stupid pizza ruined it.”
“Wow. So you’re the reason he’s been different at dance class lately.”
“He’s been different?”
“Yeah.” Yixing said, chewing his food thoughtfully, “I mean he’s still his morose, hooded self but he seems distracted. Distracted by something good, like I caught him smiling once.”
“So?”
Yixing looked at Kyungsoo amusedly. “So? Kim Jongin never smiles. He hasn’t smiled since the incident.”
“Oh God, here we go again, since the incident. Are you going to tell me what the incident was or do I get to hear some bullshit like ‘it’s not my story to tell Kyungsoo.’ Cause that’s all I get every time I ask about something.”
“Of course not, I’ll tell you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Yixing.”
“Why not? He clearly has feelings for Jongin. He deserves to know.”
“Yes he does, and Jongin should be the one to tell him, not you.”
“Well Jongin can tell him his side of the story when he wants to, we can tell him what we know.”
Kyungsoo moved his head back and forth looking at his roommate and his boyfriend as their argued on what to do.
“Joonmyun! Please, I need to know.” Yixing gave a pointed look at Joonmyun who finally gave in and nodded his head. Kyungsoo jumped in his place, excited to finally hear what was going on in Jongin’s life.
“Don’t be so excited. It isn’t exactly what you can call a happy story. It ruined his life.” Joonmyun said, his forehead lining with creases. Kyungsoo was about to give him a snotty retort when he realised that even Yixing wasn’t smiling either.
“What the hell happened?”
“Jongin had this boyfriend in his first year, they were inseparable. You know like basically joined at the hip. They used to do everything together. He hung out with Jongin’s friends even though he had different ones. We had dance class together, him, Jongin, Sehun, Luhan and the rest of us. Everything was fine you know, they seemed super happy and in love. Like really in love. They almost made me puke rainbows. Jongin was always smiling and joking around. He was really fun to be around back then.”
“Let me guess,” Kyungsoo said, his eyes scrunching up in mock concentration,” the guy suddenly broke up with Jongin and Jongin was so upset he still hasn’t gotten over it because he really loved that guy.”
Yixing looked at Kyungsoo with a sad smile, “I wish it had happened like that. But no, actually he killed himself.”
The glass Kyungsoo was holding shattered on the floor with a loud noise, he stared at Yixing and Joonmyun in horror and realised they weren’t joking. They were dead serious. “What?” he choked out, his voice barely audible.
“The guy killed himself. Swallowed some pills and went into an overdose. No one knew why, not even Jongin. They seemed so happy, the guy seemed so happy. He really had no reason you know, but I guess he was probably fighting some inner demons and just gave up.”
“Anyway it tore Jongin apart, he didn’t show up for class for two months. His friends didn’t speak to anyone about anything.” Joonmyun continued the story, “then he suddenly showed up for class and everyone was shocked. He was so different, he stopped talking, and he stopped paying attention. His friends basically started doing everything for him.”
“Yeah, I remember he walked into dance class and one of the guys went to apologize for what happened you know, giving condolences or what not, but man when he got there Jongin looked at him in this really weird way like he would kill him if he said anything about what happened. We all backed off figuring its best to give him time. No one could get over something like that so easily.” Joonmyun nodded his head at what Yixing said, and Kyungsoo kept staring. He was listening but inside he could feel his insides being ripped and thrown about. “Sehun basically told us after Jongin left to just leave him alone. That we shouldn’t talk about what happened and he basically just told us to back off Jongin.”
“I feel really bad for his friends, I mean they really fought for that kid. They still do. They really do care about him. I wonder if he knows that.”
“He knows that.” Kyungsoo sounded way harsher than he intended to, “Sorry, just got emotionally tangled for a bit.”
“You really like him don’t you?” Joonmyun said, looking at Kyungsoo in pity. Kyungsoo felt tears prick at the back of his eyes, his heart clenched as he realised that Jongin was still in love with his former boyfriend.
“He’s never going to like me back is he?”
“Well,” Yixing started and Joonmyun glared at him, “if he almost kissed you back, then there’s slight possibility that he might like you back.”
Kyungsoo buried his head under the pillow that was on the sofa, “I feel like such a bad person. Like I’m going after a widow or something?”
Yixing snorted, his eyes shining with laughter, “It’s been more than one year Kyungsoo, its okay to pursue him. It’s his loss if he rejects you. You’re a special snowflake.”
“Thanks.” His voice was muffled as he spoke into the pillow. His head was aching, he wanted to sleep. But Jongin kept popping into his head, why out of all the forty thousand something students had he fallen for the one person that wouldn’t like him back.
Part 2
Pairing - Jongin/Kyungsoo, Minor Sehun/Luhan, Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Rating - PG
Genre - Romance
Word Count - 9963 words
Summary - Jongin finds himself again when Kyungsoo decides to be a steady presence in his life.
Author's Note - For phos_phenes A small present from me. I hope you like it.
also I realized too late that this story was too big to fit in one post, so I broke it up at some random point.
“Jongin? Jongin?”
“He’s not listening Chanyeol, let him be.”
“This is getting ridiculous Baek, he’s been like this since that day. This isn’t good for him and, frankly, it’s getting painful to see him like this.”
“There’s nothing we can do. He just needs time to heal. You know how close they were.”
The tanned boy got up from his seat next to the red haired boy and walked away without saying a word, dumping his untouched food in the trash can, he left the building leaving his two worried friends behind.
“Hey guys!” The two boys shifted their attention towards the familiar voice. Jongdae weaved his way through the crowded cafeteria, pulling another boy with large eyes with him.
“Hey Jongdae.” Baekhyun greeted his friend, before giving a friendly smile to the stranger.
“Right, this is Kyungsoo, he just joined today and he’s in vocal class with me so I thought I’d bring him and introduce him to you guys.”
“Hey Kyungsoo, I’m Baekhyun and this is Chanyeol. Nice to meet you.”
“Hi. It’s nice to meet you too.”
“Where’s Jongin?” Jongdae asked, sitting down at their usual table while motioning Kyungsoo to do the same. Baekhyun and Chanyeol tensed at the question.
“Right.” Jongdae replied. “Anyway, Kyungsoo, next time you come for lunch, one of us is bound to be here so you can just sit with us, okay?”
“Okay, thanks.”
☀
“You are going to injure yourself if you keep going at it like that.” Sehun said, leaning against the mirror watching his best friend Jongin dance. He’d been watching Jongin repeat the dance routine for the past hour, even though they both knew he’d perfected it when their instructor had first shown it to them.
“Jongin.” Sehun said, walking up to his friend. It was clear the boy needed to stop. He was drenched with sweat, he had lost a lot of weight, and there were eye bags underneath his once lively eyes. This was not the same Jongin he had made friends with. This was not the Jongin who danced because he loved it.
“Jongin, stop. Please.” He grabbed the others hand. Jongin pushed him away, before slumping to the floor and burying his face in his hands. Sehun walked up to his best friend and sat down next to him. He slowly pulled Jongin towards him, allowing Jongin to rest his head on his chest. He didn’t need to look to know that Jongin was crying. He hated seeing Jongin like this.
Sehun stared at the mirrors that were reflecting them from every side and saw Luhan looking at them, standing by the door. Luhan stood staring at Sehun before walking over to them and enveloping them in his arms.
☀
Kyungsoo was late, he was very late for his class. He couldn’t believe he didn’t hear his alarm this morning. What would his professor say, it was only his first week and he was already late for a class. This would leave a bad impre-
“Ouch-“Kyungsoo barely had time to register what happened before he went tumbling down the stairs. Luckily he was only a few steps up, and when he opened his eyes he found a very handsome boy staring at him with empty hooded eyes.
“Are you okay?”
Kyungsoo moved his arms and legs around while lying on the floor and nodded his head. The handsome boy extended his hand out to Kyungsoo, who gladly took it. Once he was standing, he looked up at the boy who was staring at him. Kyungsoo stared back, knowing very well that it was not a good idea. People do not just stare at random strangers, but hey, this handsome creature was staring at him too.
“I’m going to take you to the infirmary.”
Kyungsoo finally stopped staring, “Oh no! It’s okay, I’m all right. See?” he said, moving his arms and legs like a complete idiot. Really, Kyungsoo knew exactly what to do to embarrass himself in front of good looking people. He should write a book about ‘How to embarrass yourself in front of handsome people’.
The other boy’s lips twitched in a barely there smile, before his expression became hard again. It was like he had made this deal that he wouldn’t smile no matter what happened.
“Your lip’s bleeding and you have a bruise on your face.”
“What?” Kyungsoo said, grabbing his phone and staring at his reflection on the screen. His eyes scrunched up in frustration. Why did things like this happen to him? “It’s okay, I’m already late for class, I don’t-“
“I’m taking you to the infirmary.”
“But-“
“Now.” He said grabbing Kyungsoo by the arm and pulling him with him. What is this person doing, really Kyungsoo was fine. He didn’t need to be taken to the infirmary like a child, and yet here he was allowing himself to be dragged like a child, by a complete stranger, to the infirmary .
Once the boy realised that Kyungsoo wasn’t going to fight him off, he let go of his arm.
They walked in silence, a very uncomfortable and awkward silence. Kyungsoo really hated awkward silences. So he decided to break it, “I’m Kyungsoo, what’s your name?”
The boy glanced to his side, not replying to Kyungsoo’s question. What was this person’s problem, first of all he still hadn’t even apologized for pushing Kyungsoo down the stairs, then he dragged Kyungsoo to the infirmary and now he was refusing to even introduce himself.
They arrived at the infirmary, and Kyungsoo walked in, with the boy standing at the door.
“What happened?” the nurse asked him, gently dabbing his lip with some tonic that burned.
“I fell-“
“I pushed him down the stairs.” Kyungsoo looked up at the boy who was standing at the door.
“It was an accident.” Kyungsoo clarified when the nurse gave the boy a horrified look, “I was in a hurry and I didn’t see him coming.”
The nurse nodded her head in understanding before continuing to tend to Kyungsoo. After she was done, Kyungsoo thanked her, noticing that the boy had left the room. He walked out with his bag on his shoulder, glancing at his watch he saw that he had already missed more than half of his lecture. So he decided to go to the library and maybe read up on the chapter they were supposed to do today, he can get the notes from Luhan anyway.
“Where is the library?” he muttered to himself, unsure of whether he was supposed to go right, or maybe left.
“It’s on the right side,” Kyungsoo jumped at the voice, glancing at his left side to see the boy standing there. “Just go down the stairs, and then you’ll know.”
“Thanks.” Kyungsoo replied before turning to leave, “and thanks for, you know, helping me out.”
The boy nodded his head, and Kyungsoo took that as an ‘it’s not a problem’. He turned to leave, when the boy spoke up again.
“It’s Jongin.”
Kyungsoo turned around to face the boy, who was this boy really? And why was he making Kyungsoo feel all weird?
“It’s nice to meet you Jongin. I’ll see you around. Thanks for today.” He said, smiling at the boy. Jongin stood staring at Kyungsoo for a good few seconds before nodding his head and turning around and walking away from him.
Kyungsoo turned around, smiling to himself, and walked towards the stairs.
☀
“Hey Kyungsoo! Over here.” Kyungsoo turned around towards Luhan’s voice. He was sitting with his friends that Kyungsoo did not know he was friends with. Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongdae grinned at him waving him over to their table. Kyungsoo’s eyes darted to the other two figures at their table. There was a boy with bleach blond hair mixed with pink highlights, and next to him was… Jongin.
Jongin raised his head from his food at the sound of Kyungsoo’s name, meeting the smaller boy’s gaze as he moved towards their table. Once Kyungsoo got to their table, he reverted his attention back to his food. His friends began to talk, introducing Sehun to Kyungsoo, but Jongin wasn’t listening. He vaguely heard Kyungsoo saying that he had met him before, but he doesn’t listen. He never listens.
Truthfully Jongin’s falling apart, he’s barely breathing. Sometimes he wonders why even still alive. He’s in so much pain, his heart has been torn into pieces. It hasn’t stopped bleeding, it hasn’t stopped bleeding since his boyfriend killed himself.
Everything had been perfect, or at least he thought it was. They were perfect, and yet one day he woke up to a call from Chanyeol telling him that he needed to go over to his boyfriend’s house immediately. So Jongin went, and he saw his boyfriend’s dead body being wheeled into an ambulance, he saw his boyfriend’s mother screaming for her son. He saw his best friends standing in front of him. Then he saw nothing.
He woke up to his mother’s voice, gently prodding him awake. He was told that his boyfriend had killed himself, swallowing more pills than his body could handle. Jongin had started crying, for he didn’t know what had caused his boyfriend to do that. The boy had left nothing, no reason as to why he did what he did. He had just left.
How can someone just leave like that?
The doctors had said, he needed therapy, so Jongin went to a psychiatrist every weekend to talk about his feelings. But how could he, when all he could feel was emptiness. It was his heart had been ripped out, and everything all of his emotions had just been taken away from him. Jongin had lost himself the day he lost the love of his life.
☀
“Jongin’s like that, you’ll get used to it.” Chanyeol told Kyungsoo taking note of Kyungsoo’s worried look when Jongin didn’t respond to anything. Kyungsoo nodded his head, but kept giving Jongin worried glances.
The other boys continued talking, occasionally asking Jongin if he agreed with them, but Jongin never gave them any sort of acknowledgement. But they never gave up, they kept prodding him every time they spoke about something. Eventually, Kyungsoo joined in, he was comfortable with this group.
“So Jongin what are you majoring in?” Everyone stopped talking, as Kyungsoo directed a question Jongin. Jongdae glanced at Kyungsoo in worry, bending down to whisper,
“Don’t take it personally if he doesn’t reply.” Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, he simply kept looking Jongin, who finally raised his head to look at Kyungsoo.
“Dance.”
Baekhyun’s eyes opened wide as he stared at Jongin. Clearly everyone at the table was having the same reaction to this new response from Jongin. Kyungsoo ignored them, as he smiled at Jongin, “Cool. I’m majoring in vocal performance.”
Jongin nodded his head at Kyungsoo before looking down at his food again. Kyungsoo smiled to himself, happy that he had gotten a response from the boy.
After lunch, Luhan cornered Kyungsoo.
“That’s the first time he has ever looked up from his food since---“
“Since what?”
“Never mind, it’s not my story to tell. But still, that was the first time, that’s why we all looked so surprised.”
“Oh okay.” Kyungsoo replied, unsure of what he was supposed to say next. Clearly feeling the same way Luhan cleared his throat, asking Kyungsoo which class he had next and offering to walk with him.
☀
Jongin. That was the only thing Kyungsoo could think about. The boy kept popping in his head all the time, he was always thinking about him, and he found himself staring at the boy a lot. He was intrigued by the tan, dark haired boy, and maybe he was a bit attracted to him too.
He got to see more of Jongin every day during lunch breaks, because he was now a part of Jongin’s friends’ group. The more he saw Jongin, the more curious he got, and the more he attracted he got towards the boy.
So it was decided, Kyungsoo would break Jongin’s façade.
“Jongin!” Kyungsoo yelled at the top of his lungs when he saw the said boy walking on the other side of the building. Obviously Kyungsoo did not get a response, so he yelled the boy’s name again, before running towards him. Once he was beside Jongin, he smiled at the boy, “Jongin, I was calling you from there.” He said pointing at where he previously was. “I guess you didn’t hear me. Mind if I walk with you, I have class in this building too.”
When Jongin said nothing, Kyungsoo took that as an “okay” and kept walking with Jongin. Determined to elicit some response from Jongin, Kyungsoo started talking about his day. Starting from the point where he had almost been run over by some guy on a bike, to how much he hated climbing the stairs to the vocal practice room. Due to this, he didn’t see the step in front of him, which caused him to trip and fall. He awaited the pain from landing on his face on the hard asphalt floor, but none came. Instead Kyungsoo opened his eyes, to find him facing the floor but with an arm wrapped around his waist.
Jongin pulled him up, and Kyungsoo mentally face palmed himself, reminding himself that this should go in his book. When he turned to thank Jongin, he found Jongin staring at him with an amused look on his face.
“Thanks.” He said sheepishly. Jongin nodded his head and kept walking. When he realised Kyungsoo wasn’t following him, he paused and Kyungsoo quickly ran to catch up to the boy. Smiling, because this was a small victory for him.
They stopped when he got to his class, Kyungsoo glanced at Jongin. “Well this is my class, thanks for walking with me.”
“Give me your schedule.”
“What?”
“Your schedule, give it to me.”
“Ummmm--- okay.” Kyungsoo rummaged through his bag to find the folded piece of paper. Jongin went through it, and handed it back to him.
Kyungsoo looked expectantly at Jongin waiting for him to clarify as to why he asked for his schedule. Jongin stared at Kyungsoo again, making Kyungsoo go red and feel weird all over.
And then Jongin turned to leave, leaving Kyungsoo completely dumbfounded.
“I have class in this building same time as you tomorrow.” Kyungsoo looked up at the boys retreating figure, and smiled to himself.
“Okay, I’ll meet you at the same place tomorrow!” he yelled out knowing the other boy heard him. Kyungsoo entered class, with a smile on his face, he was one step closer to figuring Jongin.
☀
“You look completely over the moon today.”
“I do?”
“Yeah you do.” Jongdae said, as he packed his bag, glancing at the smiling Kyungsoo. “What’s gotten in to you? Did you fall in love?”
Kyungsoo’s face turned red, and that was an enough answer for Jongdae.
“Oh God, you fell in love. Already? Kyungsoo it’s been like three months since you got here. You can’t fall in love in three months. That’s ridiculous.”
“What? It is not.”
“So it’s true, you are in love? Who is this person? Do I know him?” Kyungsoo nodded his head at Jongdae, eyes shining with happiness.
For the past month, Kyungsoo had been walking with Jongin to class in the same building where they had first started out. Jongin never spoke, it was always Kyungsoo. Sometimes though, Kyungsoo could see Jongin smiling just slightly, or glancing at him amusedly, and that was enough for Kyungsoo. Doing this repeatedly for so many days, it was no surprise when Kyungsoo realised his feelings for the quiet, sullen boy had grown.
Jongin never made any attempt to stop him either, so he kept falling and falling.
“If I tell you, do you promise not to tell anyone?”
“Yeah yeah, cross my heart and hope to die.” Jongdae said, smiling at Kyungsoo. He liked seeing this side of Kyungsoo, it was cute.
“It’s Jongin.” Jongdae’s face darkened, as he looked back at Kyungsoo. The smile he had a few minutes ago, replaced by a frown.
“No.”
“What?”
“You’re going to get hurt.”
“What are you talking about? Look it just happened okay. We’ve been hanging out-“
“You hung out with Jongin?”
“Well no, not really but I---“
“You are going to get hurt.”
Kyungsoo was getting ticked off now, what was it to Jongdae that he liked Jongin. It was none of his business. He regretted telling him already.
“I know Jongin. I’ve known him for a long time. He’s been through a lot Kyungsoo. Much more than you can imagine.”
“What does that have to do with how I feel towards him?”
“Because he’s never going to reciprocate those feelings.”
“And why is that?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
Kyungsoo groaned in frustration, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door, as he was about to leave Jongdae spoke up, “It’s not my story to tell. I’m sorry Kyungsoo, I was just being honest. I don’t want you to get hurt. None of us do.”
“Well you should have warned me about Jongin before then, because it’s far too late for me to stop liking him. Which means I’m going to end up getting hurt.”
☀
Kyungsoo met Jongin with a frown on his face, and Jongin frowned to himself, because this was not the usual hyper Kyungsoo that walked with him to class. For the past month, he’d allowed the smaller boy to walk with him to class, he didn’t know why he did that, but Kyungsoo took his mind off things. Kyungsoo was a distraction from his inner demons. He was intrigued by Kyungsoo, he knew it. He wanted to know more about the boy, but he refused to acknowledge it. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. He would never forget his first love, he refused to. But dammit Kyungsoo was making that hard. He found himself thinking about Kyungsoo much more than he should everyday.
“Jongdae was being an ass.” Kyungsoo puffed out as he walked next to Jongin. “Don’t even ask what he said, because I’m not going to tell you.”
Jongin smiled to himself, he knew Kyungsoo knew he’d never ask anything. But he spoke like Jongin would anyway. Like Jongin was actively taking part in these conversations when all along it’s been only him.
They arrived at his class, and Kyungsoo turned to the door. Before Jongin left he heard Kyungsoo’s voice float through the air, “Will you ever talk back with me?”
Jongin turned around to meet Kyungsoo’s sad eyes. I will try to he wanted to say, but nothing came out. He just stood staring at Kyungsoo, until Kyungsoo’s eyes got glassy and he gave Jongin a painful smile and waved him off, walking back in to the class.
Jongin went to dance class, feeling like a complete ass. He didn’t want to do this anymore, he didn’t want to make his friends suffer anymore. He was fed up of his life, living like this.
“You look worse than usual.”
Jongin looked up to the voice of his best friend, when Sehun gave him a worried look he turned away. He couldn’t bear for his friends to suffer because of him, but he knew they were. He knew how worried they were, how much they cared for him. And yet why was he doing this to them.
“Jongin,” Sehun’s hand came into contact with his shoulder, “I’m here for you. I’m always here for you. We all are.”
He turned around, his eyes becoming hazy. He gave Sehun a quick nod before walking towards the corner of the dance room. Sehun sighed, looking at his best friend. This has got to end. Jongin didn’t deserve to live with this kind of pain.
“He’ll be fine.” Luhan said, grabbing Sehun’s hand. “He’ll come back to us, eventually. He knows we’ll be here when he does.”
Sehun nodded his head, wiping the tears that had stained his cheeks.
☀
Jongin didn’t know what he was feeling, but he liked it when Kyungsoo spoke to him, he liked when the boy walked next to him. So when Kyungsoo didn’t show up the whole of next week to accompany Jongin like he usually did, Jongin felt weird and so he waited. He hoped Kyungsoo would eventually show up, but that never happened, Jongin waited until ten minutes after the bell had rung, bent his head down and walked to class. While passing Kyungsoo’s class, he noticed that the boy wasn’t in class either and felt even weirder. That whole week, Kyungsoo didn’t show up for Uni at all.
On the day before the weekend Jongin walked to class with a worried look plastered on his face.
“Well that’s not a look we usually see on him.” Luhan said, smiling slightly at Jongin. Sehun immediately walked up to Jongin and stopped him
.
“You okay?”
Jongin nodded his head, walked past Sehun and dropped his bag on the floor. He didn’t say anything throughout class not like any one was surprised, Jongin never spoke in class or outside of class.
“Something’s not right, he’s not his usual sad self today.”
Luhan smiled knowingly, “I think I might know why.”
Sehun titled his head, and looked at his boyfriend, “Why?”
“I’m not telling you.” Luhan said, sticking his tongue out and walking way but not before planting a kiss on Sehun’s cheek.
Forty-five minutes later Jongin didn’t know what he was doing as his feet carried him to Luhan. Sehun watched him from the other side of the room as Luhan turned around to face Jongin and his eyes widened.
Jongin stood there in front of Luhan for who knows how long until Luhan finally broke the silence, “Kyungsoo is fine, he’s down with the flu.”
Jongin looked up from his shoes and met a smiling Luhan. He felt his face heat up, how had Luhan known what he was going to ask him. Looking at Luhan’s smiling face, he felt his lips also stretch into a small smile, and Luhan’s smile widened even more if that was possible.
“You want to go see him? I know where he lives.” Luhan said, quickly taking out a pen and paper and jotting down an address before shoving it into Jongin’s hand. “He’ll like it if you go see him.”
Jongin didn’t say anything, just shoved the paper in the pocket of his pants. He wanted to say thank you to Luhan, but nothing came out so he settled for a small smile instead.
Luhan smiled again, “You’re welcome.”
“You okay?” Sehun asked when Jongin came to get his bags. Jongin nodded his head, but Sehun continued to look at him in a worried way.
As he slung his bag over his shoulder, he looked at his best friend of ten years still looking at him worriedly, he owed Sehun. He owed Sehun and all of his other friends so much.
“I’m okay.” Sehun’s eyes widened in surprise, as he pulled Jongin towards himself and gave him a bone crushing hug.
“I’m glad man, I’m glad.”
Jongin nodded his head, and gave a small smile. He’s being doing that a lot lately. He’s being doing that since Kyungsoo started smiling at him every five minutes. He left class, his hands in his pockets, one gripping the piece of paper tightly.
“He’s smiling again.”
“Yeah he is.”
The door to the dance room burst open and Chanyeol came in with Baekhyun.
“Jongin-Jongin passed by just now.” Chanyeol said, his voice full of wonder. Baekhyun smiled next to him.
“He smiled at us.”
Luhan laughed, “Yeah he’s been doing that today.”
“Where is he off to?”
Luhan smiled and grabbed Sehun’s hand, “He’s going to see Kyungsoo.”
“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asked, his face scrunched up in confusion, and then his expression calmed down, “Ahh Kyungsoo.”
“What Kyungsoo what? What the hell am I missing here?”
“Sehun my man, sometimes I wonder if you ever pay attention to what’s going on around you.”
☀
He was really losing it, he was standing in front of the apartment that Kyungsoo lived and he didn’t know why he was actually there. It was not like he’s best friends with Kyungsoo, he barely talks to the boy, but Kyungsoo makes him feel weird. He doesn’t mind that Kyungsoo does this to him though, because Kyungsoo makes Jongin feel, and he hasn’t been able to feel for a very long time.
He didn’t know what he was doing when he rang the doorbell. Jongin contemplated on whether he should turn around and run then, because he really didn’t know what he was doing. But when Kyungsoo opened the door and gave him the most breath-taking smile, all of his worries went flying out the window.
“You came.” He whispered smiling. “Come in!” He then said loudly, his voice nasally and tired. But that didn't stop him from talking. Jongin walked in, taking off his shoes and marveling at the cleanliness of the whole apartment, his was nothing was like this. It was so bright and nice. His apartment however was dark, filled with memories of the past that kept coming back to haunt him every day.
“Luhan said you might come, so I cleaned up a bit,” Jongin smiled in his head, Luhan. “Joonmyun is out with his boyfriend Yixing so I’m home alone. Do you want something to eat or drink?”
Jongin shook his head, and sat down on the pristine looking sofa, “Well I’m hungry so I’m going order pizza. Which flavour do you like? I like cheese.”
Kyungsoo grabbed the phone, and flopped on the other sofa, “not going to sit next to you, because you might get sick.” he said dialling a number he had clearly memorized. “Should I get you another flavour?” he then said, tilting his head to look at Jongin.
Jongin finally opened his mouth, “Its fine. I like cheese.”
Kyungsoo gave Jongin another one of his breath-taking smiles, “Oh Good! Oh Hello.” Kyungsoo said to Jongin and then to the receiver and then began listing his order.
Jongin chose to stare at Kyungsoo, he’d never really admitted to himself, but on the first day when he met Kyungsoo he had found the other boy cute. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t cheat he couldn’t like someone else, he wouldn’t do that.
But then he unknowingly had started to like Kyungsoo, the boy was so persistent and he barely knew Jongin. Kyungsoo to Jongin was like a bright spot in his dark life.
“You’re staring.”
Jongin’s train of thoughts stopped as he cleared his throat and looked towards the large plastic plant that was kept in a pot in the corner of the room.
“Is that plant better to look at than my face?”
Jongin felt his cheeks heat up at Kyungsoo’s question, he quickly moved his eyes towards the television and he heard Kyungsoo shift in his place.
“Want to watch some TV?”
No, I’d like to keep staring at you Jongin nodded his head pushing away other thoughts. National Geography was playing at that time, and Jongin really couldn’t care less about the most dangerous predators on earth, he was more interested in staring at Kyungsoo’s lips. Kyungsoo had gotten engrossed in the program after about ten minutes and Jongin had gone back to staring at him. Kyungsoo had very nice lips, full and plump. He wondered what it would be like to kiss them.
Jongin shook his head, what was wrong with him? He wasn’t supposed to have thoughts like this. It took him about another thirty seconds to realise Kyungsoo was now staring back at him, the sound of the television just a background noise now. They both embarked on a staring contest and Jongin realised that Kyungsoo had moved to the sofa that he was at. Didn’t he say he didn’t’ want to make Jongin sick?
Kyungsoo shifted until he was about five centimeters from Jongin, they were both still staring at each other and Jongin’s eyes moved to the other boy’s lips. He felt his heart beat quicken at an unsteady pace and his eyes shut in response. His body clearly moving on its own, leaned towards Kyungsoo and he felt Kyungsoo lean towards him too.
Just a little more and their lips would finally meet. What was that ringing?
Kyungsoo jumped back at the sound of the doorbell, he cursed the stupid doorbell and whoever it was that rang it because he had been so close to kissing Kim Jongin when the stupid thing went off. He was angry and blushing from head to toe when he answered the door.
“What?”
“Umm Pizza delivery?”
“Did you have to come now?”
“I’m sorry sir, do you want me to come later? I can-“
“No, just give me the stupid pizzas.” Kyungsoo replied, taking the box and handing the money to the delivery guy. It wasn’t his fault but still Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel annoyed.
When he got to the living room, Jongin was standing up, pacing the room. When he heard Kyungsoo come in, he stopped walking and stared. Kyungsoo watched as Jongin’s eyes went from staring at his face to staring at his lips. He felt oddly conscious of what he might look like to Jongin. What was he even wearing? Jongin shook his head like a lost puppy and opened his mouth to speak and closed it again.
Kyungsoo kept quiet, waiting for Jongin to speak. After repeating the motion of opening and closing his mouth like a fish would, Jongin finally ran his hands through his hair, “Umm-I can’t stay for dinner. Got stuff to do. Yeah-umm lots of stuff. So-yeah, uhhh get well soon. Bye.”
Kyungsoo didn’t even get a chance to reply, Jongin left so fast. He was standing there with his mouth open for a good five minutes when his roommate Joonmyun walked in with Yixing.
“You ordered pizza?” Joonmyun’s voice came from behind him.
“Thanks buddy.” Yixing patted his cheek while helping himself to a slice. Kyungsoo moved and slumped down on the couch.
“I hate pizza!”
“Since when? I thought you loved pizza?”
“Since today, it ruined my almost kiss with Jongin.”
Yixing coughed on his drink dropping his slice of pizza on the floor, “You kissed Kim Jongin?”
“Almost, the stupid pizza ruined it.”
“Wow. So you’re the reason he’s been different at dance class lately.”
“He’s been different?”
“Yeah.” Yixing said, chewing his food thoughtfully, “I mean he’s still his morose, hooded self but he seems distracted. Distracted by something good, like I caught him smiling once.”
“So?”
Yixing looked at Kyungsoo amusedly. “So? Kim Jongin never smiles. He hasn’t smiled since the incident.”
“Oh God, here we go again, since the incident. Are you going to tell me what the incident was or do I get to hear some bullshit like ‘it’s not my story to tell Kyungsoo.’ Cause that’s all I get every time I ask about something.”
“Of course not, I’ll tell you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Yixing.”
“Why not? He clearly has feelings for Jongin. He deserves to know.”
“Yes he does, and Jongin should be the one to tell him, not you.”
“Well Jongin can tell him his side of the story when he wants to, we can tell him what we know.”
Kyungsoo moved his head back and forth looking at his roommate and his boyfriend as their argued on what to do.
“Joonmyun! Please, I need to know.” Yixing gave a pointed look at Joonmyun who finally gave in and nodded his head. Kyungsoo jumped in his place, excited to finally hear what was going on in Jongin’s life.
“Don’t be so excited. It isn’t exactly what you can call a happy story. It ruined his life.” Joonmyun said, his forehead lining with creases. Kyungsoo was about to give him a snotty retort when he realised that even Yixing wasn’t smiling either.
“What the hell happened?”
“Jongin had this boyfriend in his first year, they were inseparable. You know like basically joined at the hip. They used to do everything together. He hung out with Jongin’s friends even though he had different ones. We had dance class together, him, Jongin, Sehun, Luhan and the rest of us. Everything was fine you know, they seemed super happy and in love. Like really in love. They almost made me puke rainbows. Jongin was always smiling and joking around. He was really fun to be around back then.”
“Let me guess,” Kyungsoo said, his eyes scrunching up in mock concentration,” the guy suddenly broke up with Jongin and Jongin was so upset he still hasn’t gotten over it because he really loved that guy.”
Yixing looked at Kyungsoo with a sad smile, “I wish it had happened like that. But no, actually he killed himself.”
The glass Kyungsoo was holding shattered on the floor with a loud noise, he stared at Yixing and Joonmyun in horror and realised they weren’t joking. They were dead serious. “What?” he choked out, his voice barely audible.
“The guy killed himself. Swallowed some pills and went into an overdose. No one knew why, not even Jongin. They seemed so happy, the guy seemed so happy. He really had no reason you know, but I guess he was probably fighting some inner demons and just gave up.”
“Anyway it tore Jongin apart, he didn’t show up for class for two months. His friends didn’t speak to anyone about anything.” Joonmyun continued the story, “then he suddenly showed up for class and everyone was shocked. He was so different, he stopped talking, and he stopped paying attention. His friends basically started doing everything for him.”
“Yeah, I remember he walked into dance class and one of the guys went to apologize for what happened you know, giving condolences or what not, but man when he got there Jongin looked at him in this really weird way like he would kill him if he said anything about what happened. We all backed off figuring its best to give him time. No one could get over something like that so easily.” Joonmyun nodded his head at what Yixing said, and Kyungsoo kept staring. He was listening but inside he could feel his insides being ripped and thrown about. “Sehun basically told us after Jongin left to just leave him alone. That we shouldn’t talk about what happened and he basically just told us to back off Jongin.”
“I feel really bad for his friends, I mean they really fought for that kid. They still do. They really do care about him. I wonder if he knows that.”
“He knows that.” Kyungsoo sounded way harsher than he intended to, “Sorry, just got emotionally tangled for a bit.”
“You really like him don’t you?” Joonmyun said, looking at Kyungsoo in pity. Kyungsoo felt tears prick at the back of his eyes, his heart clenched as he realised that Jongin was still in love with his former boyfriend.
“He’s never going to like me back is he?”
“Well,” Yixing started and Joonmyun glared at him, “if he almost kissed you back, then there’s slight possibility that he might like you back.”
Kyungsoo buried his head under the pillow that was on the sofa, “I feel like such a bad person. Like I’m going after a widow or something?”
Yixing snorted, his eyes shining with laughter, “It’s been more than one year Kyungsoo, its okay to pursue him. It’s his loss if he rejects you. You’re a special snowflake.”
“Thanks.” His voice was muffled as he spoke into the pillow. His head was aching, he wanted to sleep. But Jongin kept popping into his head, why out of all the forty thousand something students had he fallen for the one person that wouldn’t like him back.
Part 2