ANTM - Cycle 16 - Episode 1
Hey y'all, it's that magical time of year where I watch ANTM and liveblog it like a freak (and general incoherency is ahead). Three Picks (chosen with no background information whatsoever): Alexandria, Monique, and Dominique. So one's going to be the bitch, and one's going to be runner up. Because that's usually how it goes with my picks. But this is no ordinary first episode, because Tyra has become "self-aware."
Thanks Tyra.
Anyway. Here are her three stereotypes of the girls during casting. I like to think this whole sequence is a shout out to me. Because Tyra loves me. She just doesn't know it.
"I'm nineteen years old and my favorite designer is Hello Kitty.
"I want this!...I'm not here to make friends"
"I'm not a cookie cutter. I cut the cookies."
I think it's safe to say Tyra is not shying away from the crack. And I''m already ten times more excited about this cycle than I was about Cycle 15. And she thinks she's Ashton Kutcher or something. She's acting more muppet-like than usual.
And of course we go to Tyra's past. She had lots of trouble when she started her modeling career. And then also SHE SPOILS THE MAKEOVERS. Come on, Tyra. Now I know this girl gets a blunt cut with bangs.
Also I love that Tyra thinks the fashion industry is watching ANTM and questioning her choices. I'm pretty sure the fashion industry wrote off ANTM after Cycle 6 (if not sooner)
Hannah's voice is pretty grating. I can't really deal with that.
"I know this is a tough moment for you." Thanks Jay. Especially because this is all a big joke. This is actually maybe the stupidest mindfuck Tyra has ever done.
"We're nothing to anybody any more." Oh, Hannah. You're nothing to anybody watching this show anyway. I mean, except for your family.
I legit can't believe this stupid "Punk'd" thing is still going on. Like. What about those other girls? Who are those girls who thought they were on the show? Tyra's a bitch.
Mikaela is irritating me already. Glad she's narrating all the girls for me, but I don't care what she has to say. "WE AIN'T GOT NO BEDS!" Dominique needs to narrate everything. That's what I've decided.
This episode, even with all the dumb crap, is already better than anything that happened last cycle, except for Ann on roller skates which was the best thing the world has ever given me.
Jaclyn. This girl can also narrate things. She might be stuck in that bubble for the rest of her liiiiiiiiiiife.
Already regretting Monique. That girl is irritating for real.
"I have natural swag." Yep. Glad I picked Alexandria. Girl makes me laugh.
Jaclyn has a baby face. And a baby voice. And she is so earnest.
I like Molly too. Band geeks unite. Maybe she'll have to write that on her arms for a photo shoot about labels later this cycle.
Okay, Hannah irritates the crap out of me, but she is gorgeous for real when she is all made up for runway/photo shoots.
I love runway shit shows. Let's put the girls in plastic bubbles on a tiny runway with leaves and shit flying around. I so badly want to be a part of the decision making process of ANTM.
Okay. HILARITY. BEING STUCK IN A PLASTIC BALL. FALLING IN WATER AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GET UP AGAIN. That is what ANTM is all about. That is why this show exists.
Hannah is a sloppy walker. Brittani is pretty fab. I think that was Brittany anyway. I don't know them well enough.
Angelia is the worst. I predict she's leaving tonight.
Oh man, can you imagine if they had to do a finale walk in the bubbles? On the twelve-inch runway.
OH MAN, DOMINIQUE IS JUST THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE. FOR REAL. "We about to end this bitch with a bang." That is my new motto.
Dominique. Gettin' blurry. I love a girl who isn't afraid to get blurry.
Also, Tyra will definitely imitate Dominque and Jaclyn at some point during judges panel throughout this cycle.
"We are now in the midst of being in high fashion." That is just nonsense. Non. Sense. Also the light hits Mikaela's face really weirdly.
I hate that cover girl ad because it means I have to look at Ann's face. Ann is the worst for real.
Alexandria - my girl pulls it out.
And...I forgot what else I was going to say because Nigel did this with his face:
And Tyra imitated Jaclyn's voice. Called it.
Here's a face Dominique chose to make:
And here's another (it was an eyeroll dance and it was magic)
I hate Sara a lot already. Token awkward girls make me uncomfortable.
And now it's down to Dominique and what's-her-face. The one who I thought was leaving twenty minutes ago. So that means what's-her-face (Angelia) is leaving.
"Get some pictures that look...more striking than you are." Thank...you?
Thanks Tyra.
Anyway. Here are her three stereotypes of the girls during casting. I like to think this whole sequence is a shout out to me. Because Tyra loves me. She just doesn't know it.
"I'm nineteen years old and my favorite designer is Hello Kitty.
"I want this!...I'm not here to make friends"
"I'm not a cookie cutter. I cut the cookies."
I think it's safe to say Tyra is not shying away from the crack. And I''m already ten times more excited about this cycle than I was about Cycle 15. And she thinks she's Ashton Kutcher or something. She's acting more muppet-like than usual.
And of course we go to Tyra's past. She had lots of trouble when she started her modeling career. And then also SHE SPOILS THE MAKEOVERS. Come on, Tyra. Now I know this girl gets a blunt cut with bangs.
Also I love that Tyra thinks the fashion industry is watching ANTM and questioning her choices. I'm pretty sure the fashion industry wrote off ANTM after Cycle 6 (if not sooner)
Hannah's voice is pretty grating. I can't really deal with that.
"I know this is a tough moment for you." Thanks Jay. Especially because this is all a big joke. This is actually maybe the stupidest mindfuck Tyra has ever done.
"We're nothing to anybody any more." Oh, Hannah. You're nothing to anybody watching this show anyway. I mean, except for your family.
I legit can't believe this stupid "Punk'd" thing is still going on. Like. What about those other girls? Who are those girls who thought they were on the show? Tyra's a bitch.
Mikaela is irritating me already. Glad she's narrating all the girls for me, but I don't care what she has to say. "WE AIN'T GOT NO BEDS!" Dominique needs to narrate everything. That's what I've decided.
This episode, even with all the dumb crap, is already better than anything that happened last cycle, except for Ann on roller skates which was the best thing the world has ever given me.
Jaclyn. This girl can also narrate things. She might be stuck in that bubble for the rest of her liiiiiiiiiiife.
Already regretting Monique. That girl is irritating for real.
"I have natural swag." Yep. Glad I picked Alexandria. Girl makes me laugh.
Jaclyn has a baby face. And a baby voice. And she is so earnest.
I like Molly too. Band geeks unite. Maybe she'll have to write that on her arms for a photo shoot about labels later this cycle.
Okay, Hannah irritates the crap out of me, but she is gorgeous for real when she is all made up for runway/photo shoots.
I love runway shit shows. Let's put the girls in plastic bubbles on a tiny runway with leaves and shit flying around. I so badly want to be a part of the decision making process of ANTM.
Okay. HILARITY. BEING STUCK IN A PLASTIC BALL. FALLING IN WATER AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GET UP AGAIN. That is what ANTM is all about. That is why this show exists.
Hannah is a sloppy walker. Brittani is pretty fab. I think that was Brittany anyway. I don't know them well enough.
Angelia is the worst. I predict she's leaving tonight.
Oh man, can you imagine if they had to do a finale walk in the bubbles? On the twelve-inch runway.
OH MAN, DOMINIQUE IS JUST THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE. FOR REAL. "We about to end this bitch with a bang." That is my new motto.
Dominique. Gettin' blurry. I love a girl who isn't afraid to get blurry.
Also, Tyra will definitely imitate Dominque and Jaclyn at some point during judges panel throughout this cycle.
"We are now in the midst of being in high fashion." That is just nonsense. Non. Sense. Also the light hits Mikaela's face really weirdly.
I hate that cover girl ad because it means I have to look at Ann's face. Ann is the worst for real.
Alexandria - my girl pulls it out.
And...I forgot what else I was going to say because Nigel did this with his face:
And Tyra imitated Jaclyn's voice. Called it.
Here's a face Dominique chose to make:
And here's another (it was an eyeroll dance and it was magic)
I hate Sara a lot already. Token awkward girls make me uncomfortable.
And now it's down to Dominique and what's-her-face. The one who I thought was leaving twenty minutes ago. So that means what's-her-face (Angelia) is leaving.
"Get some pictures that look...more striking than you are." Thank...you?