Brilliant Blood, Beautiful Bones 11/15
Title: Brilliant Blood, Beautiful Bones
Author: lavenderpisha09
Pairings: Ian/Anthony
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Angst
Warning: Depression, Death (of a minor character), and inaccuracies in portraying these themes.
Summary: It’s weird, wanting something you can’t have.
Author's Notes: For thekettletbh who gave me a particularly phenomenal prompt (and for me, since it’s my birthday). I hope you enjoy this fic. This fic was written for Fanfiction Day 2015.
Another important note: I don’t know much about depression, psychology, or software. Now that I’m thinking about it, I actually don’t know much about anything. Everything written here was researched to the best of my ability, but will not be perfect seeing as I have limited knowledge about these topics. Still, I tried. I sincerely apologize for any mistakes I’ve made. Know that it wasn’t my intention to hurt or offend anyone, especially those who are actually suffering from depression. Have I mentioned that I’m not claiming to know everything about mental illnesses in general? Because I really don’t know much about them. I am also not claiming to be qualified enough to be able to write an actual decent story about mental illnesses, I’m sorry.
Last note: I have to thank D, who told me my initial format was shit and helped me clean up the fic’s format, and Kalina, who very helpfully read through my draft and told me what I needed to do with the fic. They’re the absolute best. This is the most challenging fic I’ve had to write yet, and it was an absolute honor (and pleasure) to fill this prompt.
Disclaimer: I do not own Smosh. I do not make money from this.
Part ten here.
Hey.
-Anthony P. (6:29 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Hey man, what’s up? How are you? How are the sessions going?
-Matt S. (6:32 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I’m fine, thanks. I’m actually thinking of going back to work one of these days.
-Anthony P. (6:33 p.m. 08/19/2020)
That’s great. It hasn’t been the same without you, man. Did the sessions help?
-Matt S. (6:34 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Yeah, they did. Thanks, man.
-Anthony P. (6:34 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Anytime. You know we’re here for you.
-Matt S. (6:34 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Thanks. I appreciate it. I have a question for you, actually.
-Anthony P. (6:38 p.m. 08/19/2020)
What is it?
-Matt S. (6:38 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Is there a possibility for therapists to date their clients?
-Anthony P. (6:43 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Sorry, that was stupid. Forget I said anything. I’ll just google it or something.
-Anthony P. (6:45 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I was just asking because maybe your brother tells you things about this kind of thing.
-Anthony P. (6:46 p.m. 08/19/2020)
He doesn’t. But, uh, Anthony, that’s not something you should do.
-Matt S. (6:48 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I know that. But is it legal?
-Anthony P. (6:49 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Anthony, you can’t date your therapist. While it is legal, it can get your therapist fired. They can also lose their license.
-Matt S. (6:51 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Okay.
-Anthony P. (6:52 p.m. 08/19/2020)
-.-.-.-
From: Joseph Reeds (joseph_llewis_reeds@research.harkinsonindustries.com)
To: Daniel Sohinki (daniel.sohinki@scrc.org)
Subject: You still need me there?
Date: August 14, 2020
Hey, so I’ve been looking at flights. Do you still need me there? Because if you do, I’ll need to book a flight and a hotel. I’m looking at going either on the 24th or the 25th.
Reply as soon as you can.
-Joseph
-.-.-.-
Don’t date your therapist.
-Mari T. (8:02 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I wasn’t thinking about it.
-Anthony P. (8:03 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Sohinki told me you texted him. Don’t lie.
-Mari T. (8:03 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Is it really that bad?
-Anthony P. (8:03 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Yes! Anthony, this is your therapist we’re talking about. He knows all the personal stuff you won’t even tell us.
-Mari T. (8:06 p.m. 08/19/2020)
So?
-Anthony P. (8:06 p.m. 08/19/2020)
So? So this guy is your therapist. He was hired to help you through the tough times. If you get into a relationship with him, how would you know where to draw the line? How do you figure out if he’s being your boyfriend or if he’s being your therapist? Not to mention the fact that if he were both at the same time, there would be a conflict of interest between those two roles someday, and then where would you be?
-Mari T. (8:10 p.m. 08/19/2020)
It’s a bad idea, Anthony. Just don’t do it.
-Mari T. (8:11 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I know. God, I know. I’m not interested in dating him while he’s my therapist, though, so would it be okay once I’ve ended my sessions with him?
-Anthony P. (8:12 p.m. 08/19/2020)
That’s something you’re going to have to ask him. Ask yourself this, though: do you really want to date him? Is it at all possible that you’re feeling the way you are because his job is to make you feel secure and safe?
-Mari T. (8:14 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Possibly? I don’t know. But shouldn’t I get to have the chance to figure that out for myself?
-Anthony P. (8:15 p.m. 08/19/2020)
It’s a bad idea. But if you really want to take a chance, I’m not stopping you. I recommend that you ask your therapist if it’s possible first, though. Don’t fuck yourself over and take care of yourself.
-Mari T. (8:17 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Okay. Thank you, Mari.
-Anthony P. (8:18 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Hey, Anthony? We miss you.
-Mari T. (8:18 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I’ll be back at work before you know it, I promise.
-Anthony P. (8:19 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Thank you.
-Anthony P. (8:19 p.m. 08/19/2020)
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS - PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #7 (08/19/2020)
Joseph will be here to resolve the problem with Dr. Hecox’s records in less than a week. While I’m excited to see my old college buddy again, I have to admit that I’m more excited to finally be able to access Dr. Hecox’s files. I’ve been looking through the latest recordings of his sessions with Anthony, and I can see that with the way things are going, Anthony won’t need those sessions sooner than he thinks. I’m thinking maybe five hour-long sessions or less will be enough, though of course, it all depends on how they will choose to use their time.
One thing I do have to take note of is their last session. While the study focuses on a close relationship between the therapist and the client, I never imagined it would reach the point it has reached between Dr. Hecox and Anthony. For one, during their last session, instead of the close relationship between them encouraging the two of them to talk about Anthony’s experiences regarding depression, they talked about other things-things that aren’t necessarily important to talk about in such an environment. Anthony, in particular, brought up the subject of not wanting to not see Dr. Hecox, again.
Another thing that surprised me is that not only did Dr. Hecox acquiesce to Anthony’s request for him to talk about himself, he also continued talking about himself even when Anthony wasn’t trying to convince him anymore. It makes me worry that a dual relationship has been formed there, yes, but more than that, it makes me worry that perhaps Dr. Hecox isn’t the same as he was.
It’s not in my-or anyone’s, really-best interest to jump into conclusions, so I’m not going to assume anything until I know what is happening for sure. Joseph will be arriving on the 24th, so I won’t have to wait long for answers. Until then, I can only look through the other participants’ files and start compiling the data that I have gathered so I can formally publish my findings.
One thing that is important to note, though: this didn’t happen in any of the other participants’ sessions.
-.-.-.-
From Superfame, 17th of July, 2020:
The Future of Smosh
It’s been almost four months since Anthony Padilla announced on Twitter that he won’t be appearing on Smosh videos for a while, and he has stayed true to his word. It has been four months since the fans have heard from him, and though the Smosh Games crew have stepped in to help with some of the brand’s series (their Friday videos, for example, as well as their numerous cartoons), it has become more and more apparent that it’s not enough.
Earlier today, during Smosh’s Friday video entitled “LEGOS HAVE FEELINGS!” fans of the Smosh brand were introduced to the “new Smosh crew”. The crew, composed of Viners we know and love (Olivia Sui, Courtney Miller, and Shayne Topp) and newcomers to the online community (Noah Grossman and Keith Leak Jr.) were met with mixed reactions from fans.
While a lot of the fans were excited for the new crew, there were some who were less than pleased with the new addition to the brand.
Meanwhile, Anthony has yet to issue a statement on the new addition to the brand. For the past four months, he has been absolutely silent on all of his social media accounts, making his fans understandably worried. The Smosh Games crew have each taken to Twitter to help dispel some of the rumors that have been popping up these last couple of weeks, including the infamous “Anthony killed himself” rumor. Mari Takahashi, in particular, tweeted this:
Mari Takahashi (@AtomicMari)
Anthony's not dead. He's taking some time for himself, and we all support him and his decisions. Thank you for being concerned, guys. :)
7:59 PM - 15 July 2020
One thing does have to be said about the brand: they’re branching out more. With the introduction of the new crew came the announcement of two new shows, though the titles of the shows have yet to be announced. This may be a move on the part of the brand, seeing as after Anthony Padilla announced his indefinite absence from the channel, Smosh lost about 20,000 subscribers from the main channel alone. Though the future of the Smosh brand may be uncertain, the fans can at least rest assured that the brand will, for the time being, continue on.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\LOBBY\CAM1\2020.08.25\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{13:58:19}
[Padilla enters]
Padilla: Hey, Mel.
Moat: Hi, Anthony. Here for your usual appointment?
Padilla: Uh, yeah.
Moat: Okay, I’ll go ask if Dr. Hecox can see you now.
Padilla: Thanks, Mel.
Moat: [frowns] Uh, it says that your appointment was cancelled.
Padilla: What?
Moat: So I’m guessing Dr. Sohinki didn’t tell you your appointment was cancelled. Or Dr. Hecox, for that matter.
Padilla: No.
Moat: Well, it says that Dr. Sohinki apparently cancelled your session, so… [sighs] All right, let me go and ask Dr. Sohinki if, you know, there’s been a mistake or something.
Padilla: Okay, yeah, thanks for doing that.
[Moat leaves]
[Padilla walks to couch in reception area]
[Padilla sighs]
Moat: Hey, sorry for making you wait for so long. Uh, so Dr. Hecox is apparently on an indefinite leave of absence, and he forgot to file it, so Dr. Sohinki did it for him. I’m sorry.
Padilla: [chuckles] Yeah, he’s forgetful like that. Anyway, uh, do you know when he’ll be back? Should I come back next week?
Moat: You know, I really don’t know. He probably will be, but I’m not sure. Dr. Sohinki has your number on file, so I’ll just call you once I know for sure if your appointment’s been cancelled for next week too or something, okay?
Padilla: Yeah. That sounds good. Thanks, Mel.
Moat: Anytime. Sorry for the inconvenience, though.
Padilla: Don’t worry about it. I understand completely.
-.-.-.-
Where are you?
-Daniel S. (4:20 p.m. 08/24/2020)
Wait, plane just landed. Went to the bathroom, sorry.
-Joseph H. (4:26 p.m. 08/24/2020)
Okay. I’ll meet you at baggage claim?
-Daniel S. (4:27 p.m. 08/24/2020)
Sounds good. I’ll meet you in a few.
-Joseph H. (4:28 p.m. 08/24/2020)
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, August 25, 2020
Blog Post #12
I didn’t meet with Ian today. I was disappointed, since I was kind of hoping I would get to ask him about, uh, yeah. That thing. The thing. I can’t ask him out until I know how many more sessions I would need to have with him, though, so yeah.
I know I shouldn’t expect him to tell me every little thing about himself, but I have to admit that a little part of me was hurt when Melanie told me that Ian went on a vacation, something he didn’t think to mention during our sessions. Yeah, yeah, I know, he’s just my therapist and I don’t actually have the right to know about these things, but I like to think that we’re friends, and this is the kind of thing friends talk about, right?
Mari told me that dating my therapist is a bad idea. I agree. It’s exactly the reason why I want to wait until he’s no longer my therapist before I ask him out. Mari listed some pretty good reasons as to why dating Ian is a bad idea, and while they do make sense, shouldn’t I at least be given the chance to try and prove Mari wrong? Shouldn’t I at least be given the chance to figure out if I really like Ian the way I think I do, or if I only like him because he’s my therapist and I’m paying him to talk to me?
These past couple of months, I felt so helpless. I felt out of control. I felt like the universe was out to get me, like it was throwing shit at me that I couldn’t even begin to shovel because my hands were tied. I’m tired of feeling like that. I’m tired of not being able to do anything. I would like to have some choices. I would like to start making decisions for myself again.
And if Ian wants to, I want to figure things out with him.
-.-.-.-
Harkinson Industries
T271130 (HECOX.EXE) [VERSION 1.3.4359]
(c) 2020 Harkinson Industries. All rights reserved.
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR
Part twelve here.