Let Me Expand On My Expansion
I'd like to revist a journal from my first semester in law school.
" Let me expand on that... I feel up and down.
Nothing is really wrong. There are no sure signs of failure, though no startling signs of success. It is discouraging that even my best efforts to make friends and 'fit in' have more or less failed. I've more or less given up in that department.
So here we are again. What am I doing? I like learning the law. I don't like being mediocre and it is frustrating to think that there is a good chance I'll end my year somewhere in the middle of a middle range law school. What do I really have in the middle? Clearly I can't rely on my people skills. I keep thinking "if I'd gotten a higher LSAT score", as though that would somehow change the situation I am in. It really doesn't.
If anything the deminished prestige and prospects is an opportunity to take a hard look at my choice to become a lawyer. If I am just going to be another average attorney peddling papers at some firm, is this still what I want to do?
Maybe I should just more effort into trying to distinguish myself. Maybe some stupid test score doesn't matter. Yet, I feel myself branded by it- more in my heart than anywhere else.
The work is supposed to really kick up this month and I can't say my spirits are high even now. Still, it isn't killing me. Part of this was to test myself with something hard. I'm fairly certain it isn't the material that makes the first year of law school the hell that it is well known to be.
They say law school is like high school, and I feel like the same little outcasted teenager...like no time has past. Except now I can't cut class."
Several Points that a little more time is straightened. I'm not sure about much but I am sure about one thing:
"you can cut class"
Other than that, I'd have to say that this place really is like high school. Even if my grades tumble, I think I've got, here at SMU, a chance to "make up" some of those high school memories I may have missed, well, being an emo kid.
I got to work on and be editor of a journal, which is cool in high school I (a) wanted to be on the newspaper (b) didn't participate or lead anything
I still do the close group of outcast thing, but I have a sub-circle of friends these days and I really don't hesitate to talk to people the way I did in high school. Yeah, there is some chics, there are a group of alloof cool girls, but overall I can sort of talk to anyone.
I don't get invited to the "cool kid" parties, but I do get invited to parties outside my circle (this is mostly missy). I find it very funny that i used to sit home on fridays because I have no where to go, now I have to turn things down on fridays to sit home and accomplish all the crap that needs to get done.
I went to prom! and, as anyone who has heard my tale will chuckle when I say, I had a pretty typical prom experience
Now, I have to say, I'm exhausted all the time. The stress has literally gotten so constant that it doesnt stop. This is hurting me on exams because if anything, this feels slower than things have been. Its been so long since I've had some time to myself.
I also didn't fall middle of my class, I'm only now getting there. As the semesters go on though, the less it seems to matter. I've already written two real-life appeals and at this point I kinda don't care if I get a mediocre job.
That aside, this summer I landed a job that is way out of my league and i'm terrified. I just don't think i'm good enough for them.
But I just wanted to give an update on my initial reaction. Now back to the take home test i'm going to fail.
" Let me expand on that... I feel up and down.
Nothing is really wrong. There are no sure signs of failure, though no startling signs of success. It is discouraging that even my best efforts to make friends and 'fit in' have more or less failed. I've more or less given up in that department.
So here we are again. What am I doing? I like learning the law. I don't like being mediocre and it is frustrating to think that there is a good chance I'll end my year somewhere in the middle of a middle range law school. What do I really have in the middle? Clearly I can't rely on my people skills. I keep thinking "if I'd gotten a higher LSAT score", as though that would somehow change the situation I am in. It really doesn't.
If anything the deminished prestige and prospects is an opportunity to take a hard look at my choice to become a lawyer. If I am just going to be another average attorney peddling papers at some firm, is this still what I want to do?
Maybe I should just more effort into trying to distinguish myself. Maybe some stupid test score doesn't matter. Yet, I feel myself branded by it- more in my heart than anywhere else.
The work is supposed to really kick up this month and I can't say my spirits are high even now. Still, it isn't killing me. Part of this was to test myself with something hard. I'm fairly certain it isn't the material that makes the first year of law school the hell that it is well known to be.
They say law school is like high school, and I feel like the same little outcasted teenager...like no time has past. Except now I can't cut class."
Several Points that a little more time is straightened. I'm not sure about much but I am sure about one thing:
"you can cut class"
Other than that, I'd have to say that this place really is like high school. Even if my grades tumble, I think I've got, here at SMU, a chance to "make up" some of those high school memories I may have missed, well, being an emo kid.
I got to work on and be editor of a journal, which is cool in high school I (a) wanted to be on the newspaper (b) didn't participate or lead anything
I still do the close group of outcast thing, but I have a sub-circle of friends these days and I really don't hesitate to talk to people the way I did in high school. Yeah, there is some chics, there are a group of alloof cool girls, but overall I can sort of talk to anyone.
I don't get invited to the "cool kid" parties, but I do get invited to parties outside my circle (this is mostly missy). I find it very funny that i used to sit home on fridays because I have no where to go, now I have to turn things down on fridays to sit home and accomplish all the crap that needs to get done.
I went to prom! and, as anyone who has heard my tale will chuckle when I say, I had a pretty typical prom experience
Now, I have to say, I'm exhausted all the time. The stress has literally gotten so constant that it doesnt stop. This is hurting me on exams because if anything, this feels slower than things have been. Its been so long since I've had some time to myself.
I also didn't fall middle of my class, I'm only now getting there. As the semesters go on though, the less it seems to matter. I've already written two real-life appeals and at this point I kinda don't care if I get a mediocre job.
That aside, this summer I landed a job that is way out of my league and i'm terrified. I just don't think i'm good enough for them.
But I just wanted to give an update on my initial reaction. Now back to the take home test i'm going to fail.