Twisted Hearts

[lavender_snow]

Title: Twisted Hearts
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut

Comments

[grlewis]

"I've done nothing but ruin your life, Ennis. Nothing. I distracted you. I promised to protect you, instead....I got you arrested. I'm no good, Ennis. You don't deserve this...you don't need someone like me in your life..."

"Christ, Ennis. How the fuck...how can you love someone like me, huh? How?"

these phrases are so sad. they show how much contempt jack has for himself, how little he thinks of himself. i wonder how he would have felt had they not gotten arrested? i think he probably had feelings not too far removed from these anyway. severe depression can do that to a person. their feelings for themselves are somehow twisted. i know this intimately, i've been there.

i do hope dr. lambertus can actually help jack more this time. a change in or additional medication for jack is certainly warranted. he may very well become suicidal.

i am also thinking that even if it becomes known that jack and ennis got arrested, it won't bring an end to doc's operation. it's been exemplary and one problem shouldn't bring that down.

"Please don't fire Jack.....He didn't do anything wrong. It was me, it was all me. I was the one who pursued him, I was the one who wouldn't take no for an answer. Believe me, Doc, he followed the rules the best he could, he really did, honestly. I practically threw myself at him. He turned me down several times, I swear...but..."

"We...fell for each other.....Please don't fire him, please don't be angry...we...we were both just two lonely people that happened to find each other at your facility. Please, please don't take Jack away from me...I need him."

"Please, Doc...don't fire him...please," I pleaded.
....I know what we did was wrong......We fucked up-royally. But, Doc, Jack has helped me, he...he's made me a better person, a stronger person. I would probably be dead right now if it weren't for you, this facility, and mostly...Jack."

i know he doesn't realize it, but all of ennis' pleading for jack really adds up to nothing. doc knows that patients will throw themselves at their counselors; it is the counselor's job to deflect the emotions. so unfortunately, anything ennis says trying to take blame upon himself really doesn't add up to a hill of beans in doc's eyes.

this is getting very bleak and i can't imagine how you will save it even though i know you must have a plan....