(no subject)
today was better
i did have those moments. i think my sadness is turning into anger now.
i snap at everyone.
or i retreat.
you either get yelled at, or you're yelling at me.
i think what i'm waiting for is the day i snap at him.
when i say i've had enough.
when i finally say, it's all or nothing, man.
today was a little hard getting up. i sat up in bed.
i stared at the sun light coming from my window...i felt okay
then i realized thursday is around the corner
i come face to face with him thursday
smile fake and pretty, pretend, that everything is fine
and that i haven't been wanting to blow my fucking brains out trying to live up to his expectations.
yeah.
day by day
it should get better
i should progress
the more and more i analyze and tear the situation apart, the better i understand why i do these things
the better i understand his asshole-ness
the better chance i have of not letting him get to me anymore
i almost hate him.
i can feel the anger boiling...it's a low point right now, but at a good enough point to get some shit thrown around, and to have some yelling.
i don't want to wait for the shit to hit the fan, so i'll keep writing, and updating and spilling my heart out until every single tear, and scream, and argument with us and within myself is documented. so then i can come back, and read over, and figure it out
and maybe figure him out for once.
can the tables turn?
we'll see.
thursday is around the corner.
i did have those moments. i think my sadness is turning into anger now.
i snap at everyone.
or i retreat.
you either get yelled at, or you're yelling at me.
i think what i'm waiting for is the day i snap at him.
when i say i've had enough.
when i finally say, it's all or nothing, man.
today was a little hard getting up. i sat up in bed.
i stared at the sun light coming from my window...i felt okay
then i realized thursday is around the corner
i come face to face with him thursday
smile fake and pretty, pretend, that everything is fine
and that i haven't been wanting to blow my fucking brains out trying to live up to his expectations.
yeah.
day by day
it should get better
i should progress
the more and more i analyze and tear the situation apart, the better i understand why i do these things
the better i understand his asshole-ness
the better chance i have of not letting him get to me anymore
i almost hate him.
i can feel the anger boiling...it's a low point right now, but at a good enough point to get some shit thrown around, and to have some yelling.
i don't want to wait for the shit to hit the fan, so i'll keep writing, and updating and spilling my heart out until every single tear, and scream, and argument with us and within myself is documented. so then i can come back, and read over, and figure it out
and maybe figure him out for once.
can the tables turn?
we'll see.
thursday is around the corner.