(no subject)
I'm getting the impression that my current boyfriend wants more than I'm capable of giving - not just more than I WANT to give, but more than I'm actually capable. I can't magically make myself perfectly able-bodied, and able to have my every issue conform to what he thinks is logical. A lot of his assumptions and supposed sound reasoning about the world in general is actually far from that, but when I can tell he believes in something strongly, I almost don't want to shake that and make his world become unhinged, if that makes sense. I want to find my way of existing in this paradox, in this dream within a dream reality. The only thing is that I need to be able to insert "me" there, me as I actually am, and not me as he expects me to be.
Honestly, I don't know if romantic relationships are for me. I can't always be physical the way it's desired for me to be. There are ways I literally cannot bend, and cannot frolic wild and free. As much as I wish I could, it simply cannot be. My desires are caged - caged by a body that cannot MOVE the way one wants it to move, or exist in the realities another wants. If I were to try, I could actually HARM myself - and it wouldn't be in a fun, kinky way, either. It's just impossible to get the understanding I require in order to live harmoniously IN a romantic relationship. Honestly, other than respect for my physical limitations/boundaries, I really don't ask or demand things. The only things I ask for are actual needs that I've no choice but to request, because my physical conditions require such understanding. I had more to write, but I don't have the heart to do it.
Honestly, I don't know if romantic relationships are for me. I can't always be physical the way it's desired for me to be. There are ways I literally cannot bend, and cannot frolic wild and free. As much as I wish I could, it simply cannot be. My desires are caged - caged by a body that cannot MOVE the way one wants it to move, or exist in the realities another wants. If I were to try, I could actually HARM myself - and it wouldn't be in a fun, kinky way, either. It's just impossible to get the understanding I require in order to live harmoniously IN a romantic relationship. Honestly, other than respect for my physical limitations/boundaries, I really don't ask or demand things. The only things I ask for are actual needs that I've no choice but to request, because my physical conditions require such understanding. I had more to write, but I don't have the heart to do it.