where am i?

[laurenoid]

just got back from a single night of camping with jon and mo. one of the weirdest experiences ever. it was totally complete with every emotion--hilarity, bitchiness, depression, drunkenness, fear, comfort, laziness, et cetera. and yet the whole trip (all one day of it..lol) felt incredibly empty. i've become cold..i can't even think straight these days, i just take everything in and hardly ever respond. i'm obscure beyond repair. i guess we're all just getting ready for the inevitable breakup of our weirdly intense friendship.. t-minus 3 weeks. everything seemed really distant...and this was supposed to be a really good trip for us, a last hurrah and a way to really be honest and enjoy ourselves before everything changes forever. i don't know, i take everything too seriously. we had a good time..just being stupid kids, setting up a crappy tent much too close to an outhouse, starting a fire, strumming guitars and consuming mass amounts of weed and vodka. but i've never been one for typicality (is that a word?) and it's so empty...i'd so much rather talk for hours about how much i'm going to freaking miss these guys, and lie there and watch the stars seem to multiply. instead we stared at the fire in a trance as some random hippie guys played drums and threw much-too-large logs on our fire. a memorable night, to be sure...but still i miss my friends and they're not even gone. to top it off, now i'm really starting to miss myself too.

i miss me... miss everything i'll never be, and on and on