looking for the bright side
So today I introduced someone to my livejournal and realized how little I have been using it and how much I used to love posting. Perhaps I only loved posting when I thought I had an audience. Now I love updating my status on facebook, again, there's an audience. It's interesting that journal writing and sharing personal thoughts has become so public. Everyone feels the need to self-publish, as if all of our lives are so important. Which they are, or else why would we read other people's statuses? Aside from the obvious pleasures of cyber stalking...
So since tonight has been all about procrastinating from the to-do list- I will continue to procrastinate by updating my long lost livejournal.
My contract ended at the end of May and I opted to take three classes over the summer. The summer class schedule varies depending on which session you sign up for. I am taking two classes in the first 6 week summer session and one class in the 12 week summer session. I thought it would be a breeze since I wouldn't be working. Well, it has been anything but. I am very thankful for my time management skills! Trying to balance everything and keep up with classes condensed into 6 weeks can get quite stressful. So stressful in fact that I contemplated dropping one of the classes. This is something I have never come this close to doing before in my life. I just got really overwhelmed one night and saw that as my only option. I was smart enough to reach out to my teacher about it and she convinced me to stick it out. She said there was no way she could let me quit when I had come this far. She told me I was a high level thinker and a very thoughtful student. I told her I felt like my brain was mush because I was trying to cram so much into it without enough time to process it. I'm glad I talked to her about it because I felt like I couldn't pull it off and she made me feel like I could handle it. She told me she wanted to help me succeed and she would support me as the learner I was. So I ended up feeling pretty confident in my abilities and also ended up feeling like I had developed a closer bond with this teacher because I had opened up to her. It's not easy for me to open up to someone and admit a vulnerability. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way.
So anyway, I stuck with it and I'm glad I did. I wrote a research paper on arts in education that I am pretty happy with and since my panic attack I have enjoyed every project and presentation in that class. Tomorrow (actually later today) I will be turning in my research paper and giving a presentation on the history of education from the period after the Civil War. I'm excited for her to read my paper and I'm looking forward to presenting my work and watching other group's present their projects. Today I presented five lesson plans involving studying the concept of color using literature. I really enjoyed the project because it's exactly the kind of creative work I want to do with young children. It feels so much more creative than any of the work I have done in the past three years as an artist. I just hope someday I find a job...
Speaking of which, being super busy and overwhelmed with classes and learning new things is a great way to keep your mind off of things. Not once this past month have I worried about not having a job (I have worried about money, but that's to be expected) and not once have I lamented the fact that I wasn't in a relationship. There have been many times in my life when I felt like being single was the best thing ever and then there are times when I am jealous and upset that I don't have someone special. I hate the times when I feel pathetic and I know a big part of that has been boredom and dissatisfaction. Somehow I think having a significant other is going to change all that. When there really is no guarantee of happiness in a relationship. I just always think that because I don't have it, then that's obviously what I need! I obviously can't stay insanely busy all the time just to not deal with my issues, but it has made me realize that those feelings are really coming out of boredom.
So now that my crazy class schedule is about to lighten and I have the summer theatre camp to look forward to, things are looking up! I am still worried about eventually finding a job and being able to afford to live in my apartment on my quiet cobblestone street and drive my car and go swing dancing... but I am staying hopeful.....
Have a wonderful Independance Day! I will be enjoying time with my family and away from textbooks!
keep smiling!
So since tonight has been all about procrastinating from the to-do list- I will continue to procrastinate by updating my long lost livejournal.
My contract ended at the end of May and I opted to take three classes over the summer. The summer class schedule varies depending on which session you sign up for. I am taking two classes in the first 6 week summer session and one class in the 12 week summer session. I thought it would be a breeze since I wouldn't be working. Well, it has been anything but. I am very thankful for my time management skills! Trying to balance everything and keep up with classes condensed into 6 weeks can get quite stressful. So stressful in fact that I contemplated dropping one of the classes. This is something I have never come this close to doing before in my life. I just got really overwhelmed one night and saw that as my only option. I was smart enough to reach out to my teacher about it and she convinced me to stick it out. She said there was no way she could let me quit when I had come this far. She told me I was a high level thinker and a very thoughtful student. I told her I felt like my brain was mush because I was trying to cram so much into it without enough time to process it. I'm glad I talked to her about it because I felt like I couldn't pull it off and she made me feel like I could handle it. She told me she wanted to help me succeed and she would support me as the learner I was. So I ended up feeling pretty confident in my abilities and also ended up feeling like I had developed a closer bond with this teacher because I had opened up to her. It's not easy for me to open up to someone and admit a vulnerability. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way.
So anyway, I stuck with it and I'm glad I did. I wrote a research paper on arts in education that I am pretty happy with and since my panic attack I have enjoyed every project and presentation in that class. Tomorrow (actually later today) I will be turning in my research paper and giving a presentation on the history of education from the period after the Civil War. I'm excited for her to read my paper and I'm looking forward to presenting my work and watching other group's present their projects. Today I presented five lesson plans involving studying the concept of color using literature. I really enjoyed the project because it's exactly the kind of creative work I want to do with young children. It feels so much more creative than any of the work I have done in the past three years as an artist. I just hope someday I find a job...
Speaking of which, being super busy and overwhelmed with classes and learning new things is a great way to keep your mind off of things. Not once this past month have I worried about not having a job (I have worried about money, but that's to be expected) and not once have I lamented the fact that I wasn't in a relationship. There have been many times in my life when I felt like being single was the best thing ever and then there are times when I am jealous and upset that I don't have someone special. I hate the times when I feel pathetic and I know a big part of that has been boredom and dissatisfaction. Somehow I think having a significant other is going to change all that. When there really is no guarantee of happiness in a relationship. I just always think that because I don't have it, then that's obviously what I need! I obviously can't stay insanely busy all the time just to not deal with my issues, but it has made me realize that those feelings are really coming out of boredom.
So now that my crazy class schedule is about to lighten and I have the summer theatre camp to look forward to, things are looking up! I am still worried about eventually finding a job and being able to afford to live in my apartment on my quiet cobblestone street and drive my car and go swing dancing... but I am staying hopeful.....
Have a wonderful Independance Day! I will be enjoying time with my family and away from textbooks!
keep smiling!