(no subject)
I haven't been doing so well. I've been stagnant, not all super depressed like I get, but just generally lackluster. Then I got this crud that's going around... is it allergies? flu? Feels like a bug with terrible allergy symptoms. I don't normally get allergies like this. Anyways, I'm just feeling stuck in my stuff. Having a terrible time motivating and getting any work done, and feeling cruddy definitely doesn't help. So, today, in an attempt to pull myself up by my bootstraps, I started a fast/cleanse. This is the same program I started but didn't finish a few months back. The colon cleanse part comes first and entails a 5 day juice fast, and I remember feeling so good last time, I'm hoping for a repeat. I will continue with the whole month long program after the colon cleanse, and this time I'll be able to continue my fast as long as I want/need after the initial 5 days. Last time I felt I could go on indefinitely but had to go on the road with Guy so I came off the fast earlier than I wanted. This time, I'll go as long as feels right, we'll see how things are going after 5 days and play the rest by ear. With juicing, I feel like I could go a long time because I'm still able to get all the flavors and excitement of food but with juice instead. I need to peel off these layers of yuck and get back to my light-fill shiny self that I've been missing for a while now. I've felt far away from myself. I'm missing me. I dusted off Thorn's Evolutionary Witchcraft book last night and started getting chills again. I've been too far away from my practice, and it is manifesting in undesirable ways. I've gained weight, my body aches, I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm lacking passion and focus, nothing is exciting to me, my mind is foggy, my emotions are icky, my spirit is dull. How did I get here? I guess that's not the important question right now. I need to focus on how to get myself out and back on track and then I can take a good long look at what went wrong and avoid those mistakes in the future. It has taken all my will and intention just to start this cleanse. One day at a time. I need to recommit to myself, to my practice. I need to turn back to those things that bring so much light and love into my life. Magic, tai chi, yoga, meditation, writing, reading, loving, riding my bike, walking the dog (which is about the only good thing I've been doing on a semi-regular basis), being in community, being a friend. I really miss myself right now, and I want to feel at home and in love with life again. It seems like far too long since I've felt that way.