walk a direction see where we get
one year ago i was beginning an out of control manic episode.
one year later i'm heading up but fully aware of where it can lead me.
one year ago i spent the greater part of the night spilling all to a new friend.
one year later that friendship has run it's course - results good and bad, i have no regrets.
one year ago i lived for the ideal yet to come.
one year later i live for the real today.
i think i had been in a sense holding my breath in regards to today. reflecting over the year points out some extreme differences between circumstances at the start and then the end. add to that the strangely exciting hope filled starting point that last new years seems to represent. then compare with the less than perfect and somewhat jarring reality of the years ending. honestly when i think about how much i have grown i can now think of this new years as something to celebrate. Though i know that prior to the actual execution of my night i was overwhelmed with anxieties about how well i could handle another potential emotional outburst.
i got by with a little help from my friends.
- spent the morning with erica food/target - talking/venting - the usual
- cinnamon bears @ la costa
- good talk with drunk matt carr, who we all miss far too much.
- denny's with matt carpino, ed, jenny, and meg - completely what i needed.
- people giving a shit
- more familiar people at the house than any other night this week.
- texting/calling geoff - and him showing up as well as giving me a ride to my car
- realizing for the millionth time how much better reality is than a dream.
one year later i'm heading up but fully aware of where it can lead me.
one year ago i spent the greater part of the night spilling all to a new friend.
one year later that friendship has run it's course - results good and bad, i have no regrets.
one year ago i lived for the ideal yet to come.
one year later i live for the real today.
i think i had been in a sense holding my breath in regards to today. reflecting over the year points out some extreme differences between circumstances at the start and then the end. add to that the strangely exciting hope filled starting point that last new years seems to represent. then compare with the less than perfect and somewhat jarring reality of the years ending. honestly when i think about how much i have grown i can now think of this new years as something to celebrate. Though i know that prior to the actual execution of my night i was overwhelmed with anxieties about how well i could handle another potential emotional outburst.
i got by with a little help from my friends.
- spent the morning with erica food/target - talking/venting - the usual
- cinnamon bears @ la costa
- good talk with drunk matt carr, who we all miss far too much.
- denny's with matt carpino, ed, jenny, and meg - completely what i needed.
- people giving a shit
- more familiar people at the house than any other night this week.
- texting/calling geoff - and him showing up as well as giving me a ride to my car
- realizing for the millionth time how much better reality is than a dream.