Words of Advice
I was feeling FUCKED IN THE HEAD yesterday. I saw my counsellor (and went from very agro to very sad). Anyway, she gave me a printout that said this (from "Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World"):
People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centred;
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish interior motives;
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies;
Be successful anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable;
Be Honest and Frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds;
Think big anyway.
People favour the underdogs but follow only top dogs;
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight;
Build anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them;
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have an you'll get kicked in the teeth;
Give the world your best anyway.
The issue for then, is that even if the above is true - how can I sustain myself in the mean time? The last three months have leached most of my energy and enthusiasm out of me. I have had great difficulty in creating comics (something that almost always makes me happy); have been able to do no research for my masters; and I really don't know what to do.
Tomorrow I'm going into uni to make contact. I'll pay my NUSA fees, visit all the stalls for O-week, have a free lunch; go to a Queer collective meeting and maybe see my supervisor. But deep down I feel down and out, and it feels like I'm going through the motions. I do not feel mentally healthy just now, and have had frightening dreams of violence against some people I know. there is much frustration in me, and I feel the absence of human contact and companionship.
Today I felt good about taking Bobby to see Ron at the aged care place, but I just lost all energy when I got home, and all I seemed to be able to do was watch TV (when I know that I could have done a comic page instead). I don't know why I've stopped.
I really do feel fucked in the head.