An Intense day
Bloody F*cking Hell, where do I begin?
Breakfast
This morning I almost burnt my house down.
I was making a heavy breakfast (pasta + meat + boiled veggies) and using the wok on the stove top. I was also on the computer, on the net, and working on the Student Seminar I was supposed to give in the afternoon at university. Not a good thing to do. I got so intent on the Powerpoint presentation that I was doing, that I forgot about the wok. Then the fire alarm (located in the laundry, next to the kitchen) went off and I looked up. There was a pillar of flame going half way up to ceiling. After a seconds hesitation, I grabbed the wok by the handle, and raced it out to the backyard. Then I went back inside and poured water over the flames on the stove top, where oil and grease underneath had caught aflame. Then I went back outside to check the wok. It was already out, as there was a light drizzle outside.
That was a relief, but the house was full of smoke. I opened the windows and brought in the fan from the spare room and tried to blow it out. I decided to play outside for a while with Pegasus, but I just couldn't get into it. Finally I had to leave to go to Charlestown to see my G.P. It was a worry though - what if I'd gone to the toilet and the flames had reached all the way to the ceiling? It's an old weatherboard house, and fire would certainly consume it quickly. I don't have any house insurance (just can't afford it) so I really can't take the risk. Thank the Goddess that I have a fire alarm!
Then, on the road to Charlestown my car swerved and I almost lost control of it. The weather is slightly wet, and I was in a hurry, and that was a dangerous combination. No real damage, except to my confidence.
At the GP's
I got to my doctor on time. An elderly couple came in for a later appointment but I swapped with them because they were in a hurry to get back home and tee up appointments at hospitals. I could wait, and made coffee there while I did.
I was glad I did see him. I've had more than one physical problem and illness in the last six months, including a dry rasping cough. He gave me a prescription for a codeine cough medicine. It seems to help. But after I told him about the car accident at the start of the year, and my panic attacks then and at TINA, he agreed that I needed to do something about it.
Currently I'm booked in to see the uni counsellor next Monday. I saw this one when I was doing my Bachelor's, and it was a big help at the time. I've also got an appointment to go to the dental clinic to have a tooth looked at. It's only chipped at the moment, but I don't want to wait until it gets too bad and has to get removed (like the last one a few weeks ago).
Shopping
Now it was a funny thing, after having a chat with my G.P. - things started to "flow" again.
First, I went to the library while waiting for the scripts to be filled, and found a book on Paint Shop Pro 9 - my preferred drawing package at home. Should be full of handy stuff I've probably missed. Then I took a bit of time and checked out several shops for a replacement graphics card for my PC.
I'd been told (by someone in a Wallsend Shop) that my 200MHz 256Mb PC was probably too old and could only run an AGP 4x card at best, and anything better than that would fry the motherboard. I didn't find one of those, but a helpful owner of the shop/repair centre put me right - I could run a 8x AGP card, but just not very fast. I found one at "EB Games" in Charlestown Square. It cost $70 but should be really good if it works. And I have a week to return it if it doesn't. I'll be popping round to Carolyn's tomorrow and try it out. If it doesn't pan out, I'll just get my money back. If it does, then say goodbye to most of my PC's spontaneous rebooting (baring software stuff ups)!
I considered getting another card from the markets, but apart from being cheap, the consistent advice that I've had is that newer cards are less prone to malfunction, whereas with the 2nd hand stuff from the markets, you don't know what's wrong with it, and you have to wait a month (until the next markets) before doing anything about it!
But the big surprise was, after buying copies of The Fisher King (Terry Gilliam film) and Return of the Living Dead Part II (very funny Zombie flick) on the cheap in Big-W (which used to be where the K-Mart was), I found a copy of that DVD set of BUFFY that I'd been searching for, and only for $22.87! YAHOOOO! - it means I can continue my "one episode a day" viewing of the series. Not only that, but they also have sets of Angel for the same price, so I can watch that too (although I do have Angel up to the end of the matching Buffy season). And EZ Video also have a copy of Return of the Living Dead (part I), so I can get that too if I have a mind to (though really the sequel stands on its own, especially after being dosed in nerve gas [film joke]).
Uni Seminar
I was a little late for the Seminar at the uni too. That was mostly because I was still creating the Powerpoint presentation for it down at NUSA. It didn't really matter though, as when I walked in, Pam (the Honours Coordinator) was still detailing how research papers were to be submitted. As I'm part time and not finishing until next year, that was mostly irrelevant at this stage.
A couple of people were up before me. The idea of the seminars is that you present to the rest of the Honours students samples of your current work. Now leading up to this, I'd been panicking. I'd had artists block on the official project, and had been doing other things like print and reprint my comics, start a web comic, and print and present my poetry. But the tarot project had just reached a brick wall. While I did show as far as I'd got with that, the rest of my presentation was about my artist's block and what I'd been doing to get the creativity flowing again. It seemed to get a good reception but everything was running overtime and most folk were keen to go when they could. However, Pam did make some suggestions that have made me question the direction of my project.
Where to now?
Well, after this I'm off home to feed the pets and watch videos.
But more generally, I'm going to have to think what I'm doing with the Honours course, and other things in my life. I'm trying to make an effort in sorting things out, by going to GPs, clinics and counsellors. They all help a bit, but I think what helps the most is actually making the effort.
Without that, it's all a bit like one of those plunger things you use to clear the sink's drains. You push it down to create a vacuum and then pull it up to (hopefully) dislodge whatever's blocking the drain. I feel like I've been stuck for a while (the definition of depression) and right now I'm trying to get things moving again. Just knowing that is a bit of a relief.
Breakfast
This morning I almost burnt my house down.
I was making a heavy breakfast (pasta + meat + boiled veggies) and using the wok on the stove top. I was also on the computer, on the net, and working on the Student Seminar I was supposed to give in the afternoon at university. Not a good thing to do. I got so intent on the Powerpoint presentation that I was doing, that I forgot about the wok. Then the fire alarm (located in the laundry, next to the kitchen) went off and I looked up. There was a pillar of flame going half way up to ceiling. After a seconds hesitation, I grabbed the wok by the handle, and raced it out to the backyard. Then I went back inside and poured water over the flames on the stove top, where oil and grease underneath had caught aflame. Then I went back outside to check the wok. It was already out, as there was a light drizzle outside.
That was a relief, but the house was full of smoke. I opened the windows and brought in the fan from the spare room and tried to blow it out. I decided to play outside for a while with Pegasus, but I just couldn't get into it. Finally I had to leave to go to Charlestown to see my G.P. It was a worry though - what if I'd gone to the toilet and the flames had reached all the way to the ceiling? It's an old weatherboard house, and fire would certainly consume it quickly. I don't have any house insurance (just can't afford it) so I really can't take the risk. Thank the Goddess that I have a fire alarm!
Then, on the road to Charlestown my car swerved and I almost lost control of it. The weather is slightly wet, and I was in a hurry, and that was a dangerous combination. No real damage, except to my confidence.
At the GP's
I got to my doctor on time. An elderly couple came in for a later appointment but I swapped with them because they were in a hurry to get back home and tee up appointments at hospitals. I could wait, and made coffee there while I did.
I was glad I did see him. I've had more than one physical problem and illness in the last six months, including a dry rasping cough. He gave me a prescription for a codeine cough medicine. It seems to help. But after I told him about the car accident at the start of the year, and my panic attacks then and at TINA, he agreed that I needed to do something about it.
Currently I'm booked in to see the uni counsellor next Monday. I saw this one when I was doing my Bachelor's, and it was a big help at the time. I've also got an appointment to go to the dental clinic to have a tooth looked at. It's only chipped at the moment, but I don't want to wait until it gets too bad and has to get removed (like the last one a few weeks ago).
Shopping
Now it was a funny thing, after having a chat with my G.P. - things started to "flow" again.
First, I went to the library while waiting for the scripts to be filled, and found a book on Paint Shop Pro 9 - my preferred drawing package at home. Should be full of handy stuff I've probably missed. Then I took a bit of time and checked out several shops for a replacement graphics card for my PC.
I'd been told (by someone in a Wallsend Shop) that my 200MHz 256Mb PC was probably too old and could only run an AGP 4x card at best, and anything better than that would fry the motherboard. I didn't find one of those, but a helpful owner of the shop/repair centre put me right - I could run a 8x AGP card, but just not very fast. I found one at "EB Games" in Charlestown Square. It cost $70 but should be really good if it works. And I have a week to return it if it doesn't. I'll be popping round to Carolyn's tomorrow and try it out. If it doesn't pan out, I'll just get my money back. If it does, then say goodbye to most of my PC's spontaneous rebooting (baring software stuff ups)!
I considered getting another card from the markets, but apart from being cheap, the consistent advice that I've had is that newer cards are less prone to malfunction, whereas with the 2nd hand stuff from the markets, you don't know what's wrong with it, and you have to wait a month (until the next markets) before doing anything about it!
But the big surprise was, after buying copies of The Fisher King (Terry Gilliam film) and Return of the Living Dead Part II (very funny Zombie flick) on the cheap in Big-W (which used to be where the K-Mart was), I found a copy of that DVD set of BUFFY that I'd been searching for, and only for $22.87! YAHOOOO! - it means I can continue my "one episode a day" viewing of the series. Not only that, but they also have sets of Angel for the same price, so I can watch that too (although I do have Angel up to the end of the matching Buffy season). And EZ Video also have a copy of Return of the Living Dead (part I), so I can get that too if I have a mind to (though really the sequel stands on its own, especially after being dosed in nerve gas [film joke]).
Uni Seminar
I was a little late for the Seminar at the uni too. That was mostly because I was still creating the Powerpoint presentation for it down at NUSA. It didn't really matter though, as when I walked in, Pam (the Honours Coordinator) was still detailing how research papers were to be submitted. As I'm part time and not finishing until next year, that was mostly irrelevant at this stage.
A couple of people were up before me. The idea of the seminars is that you present to the rest of the Honours students samples of your current work. Now leading up to this, I'd been panicking. I'd had artists block on the official project, and had been doing other things like print and reprint my comics, start a web comic, and print and present my poetry. But the tarot project had just reached a brick wall. While I did show as far as I'd got with that, the rest of my presentation was about my artist's block and what I'd been doing to get the creativity flowing again. It seemed to get a good reception but everything was running overtime and most folk were keen to go when they could. However, Pam did make some suggestions that have made me question the direction of my project.
Where to now?
Well, after this I'm off home to feed the pets and watch videos.
But more generally, I'm going to have to think what I'm doing with the Honours course, and other things in my life. I'm trying to make an effort in sorting things out, by going to GPs, clinics and counsellors. They all help a bit, but I think what helps the most is actually making the effort.
Without that, it's all a bit like one of those plunger things you use to clear the sink's drains. You push it down to create a vacuum and then pull it up to (hopefully) dislodge whatever's blocking the drain. I feel like I've been stuck for a while (the definition of depression) and right now I'm trying to get things moving again. Just knowing that is a bit of a relief.