Another Day...
Ah man, so much in this life lately... so much I can't really handle anymore. I want to help, I want to be there for people, but most of all I want to be able to deal with my pathetic loser self. I can't even fix my own problems, but I manage to help out with others... how come?
First off, I'm pissed about the other night. I went to play simple frisbee and others went to instegate things, and then a flippin mom calls Liz a slut, I guess you need to know everything that went down, but seriously the mom JUST found out one simple thing, and has the fucking balls to call Liz a slut... seriously.... that lady was so fuckin lucky I didn't say shit, my jaw has never touched grown like it did that day.... but eh life goes on, and I just hope Liz doesn't take that shit for long... Keating already has a gf... he needs to fucking step down, and Buddy just needs to get his head out of his ass... err I hate him!!
Um, Shelly is a freakin ass. She thinks I'm suppose to lose sleepover her calling me a fucking cunt, and a piece of trash... it's pretty gay if you ask me, especially since I haven't said SHIT about her... I just don't like her, she needs to get over that, a LOT of people don't like her, because of the way she acts...grow up!
I miss old friends, not Hooksett friends... I'm not talking about all the people from last year, because I still manage to see them around... but I mean I miss the good friends that I didn't get to see everyday, rarely kept in contact with... the goffstown buddies... I miss them like a mother trucker... Shan is the love of my life, and I don't get to see her as much as I would like. She is like my quiet place to subsicide to... she is the one that is going through the same thing, understands me like no one ever has... she sees me for me, knows my pain without even placing a finger on it... she is the greatest girlfriend ((not like that)), someone could ask for. I love how she just knows it though, it helps. And then when we hangout the few times that we do... we have a great time, everything goes away for those few hours of fun. It really couldn't get any better how much happiness this person brings out in me. Dana, we never talk anymore never. I miss him though... I don't think he likes me much anymore, but I still miss him like a lot. He goes through a lot of shit, and seriously I wish I could be as strong as he is. If he could see how big of an idol he is in my eyes and everyone elses, I don't think he would give himself such a hard time. That kid means a lot to me, he is like my best bro, but he doesn't see that... I don't know how to tell him either.... it's hard, but I do miss him, and wish life is treating him better every new day. He deserves the most happiness that any one person can cheerish.. one day that kid will have everything he ever wanted, and he can finally be truly happy, a great guy like him deserves it so much!! Mike, heh that kid is so great. Everything he goes through at home, and he still manages to be the happiest kid in the world. He is still able to live life up to his expectation... I just miss him, and miss the way he use to make me laugh... I hope things have been going great for him.... Craig, wow where to even start? I really MISS this kid so much.. it's not even funny how many times I find myself thinking, wow I miss this kid, I really want to hangout with him soon hopefully. This kid has been all joy in my life... and I feel like the worst person when I think everything over, because I was the one who kind of banned of the relationship.... but I want to fix that, I really want him to see how much he means to me. He is the quiet guy, but the greatest friend... I really just wish he could see how sorry I am, if even remembered everything that went down, I do... it has the sudden linger that gives me chills, gets me in the thinking mood.... he is so awesome though, and I just ahh miss him I guess. Kelly is so great, I miss her so much man. She is the fun hyper side of me hah. She is such a sweetheart, and only the RIGHT guy desereves the RIGHT girl like her.... she just keeps on smiling...
Man I just find I miss these people lately... that goes for John S. too man. I talked with him and everything from the past just opended up again... I miss him so much. That kid was always crazy cool. He has changed my world in a thousand different ways without even doing anything really... but man he is the greatest...
And then there is Trav, who I don't even know how to thank. Whatever I did to deserve a great friend and a great hand like him, I would sure as hell do over again no doubt about that. He sees me through the worst times, and always has the right words to say... he is what keeps me balanced.... he brings a smile through the crowds, and has the biggest heart you could ever imagine. I don't know what I have done without this kid, but man he is so great. He is God's gift.
Now Jason, wow, I don't really know what to say has come to this... I couldn't tell you the last time I had a REAL conversation with him. I don't know what to think anymore... it's kind of where we like both closed everything off. I feel like I'm the one that tries to call him more... but him being the busy kid it's hard to get ahold of. So I will text him and he will text back... he tells me he is bummed he hasn't heard from me, he tells me he misses me, so he tells me to call him... he will call me, and then I'm a busy kid so can't respond right away, and then when I call him, his phone is always on but I always get answering machine, like he doesn't want to talk to me because of the fact I'm calling him days later after his message... but then it just keeps on continuing, because I don't hear back from him for weeks... ooor I just don't hear back from him period... so then it goes back to me trying to get ahold of him, because everything crashes down, and I just want to talk to him one more day just one more time, before I'm to say goodbye or something, before it really feels like he is walking out of my life completely. I guess it's a good thing in the end maybe, because it makes me stronger to let go of things easy, to not give into my feelings as much, it makes me think hey we talk whenever the timing is right, things happen for a reason... I dunno maybe it just makes these days seem shorter too.... I start to question 11107...sometimes I see that as a joke to him, I wonder if he seriously means it like I mean it?? I dunno what to think anymore really.... I will just say my heart won't break after all of this.... I do miss him though...
Wow, these people have all put life into me each and everyone... and it's these people that shine through for me that I realize that I miss, that I miss having that light of happiness... I feel so down because there not really there anymore, I manage to talk with a lot of them, like Trav and Shan almost everday.... and then Craig and I are starting to talk again and planning on hanging out at some point soon.... but it's just harder and harder to reach out to them...I really want them to know how much they mean to me... because I would go on all ends to make sure nothing hurts them anymore, to make sure they were all good, but I can't do that... I'm not that talented... I can't give it up to all of them, I can't give everything away... It's hard but seriously I would if I could...
I'm not sure what to think anymore, I don't even think what I wrote is what I wanted to vent about... I have other thoughts in my head, but really can't put words to them yet, so I need to vent everything else out that's also in there, maybe to be able to target those feelings of hurt and pain more easily... just to think better, and put words to them... I just don't know really...
I fade away in the stereo noise
First off, I'm pissed about the other night. I went to play simple frisbee and others went to instegate things, and then a flippin mom calls Liz a slut, I guess you need to know everything that went down, but seriously the mom JUST found out one simple thing, and has the fucking balls to call Liz a slut... seriously.... that lady was so fuckin lucky I didn't say shit, my jaw has never touched grown like it did that day.... but eh life goes on, and I just hope Liz doesn't take that shit for long... Keating already has a gf... he needs to fucking step down, and Buddy just needs to get his head out of his ass... err I hate him!!
Um, Shelly is a freakin ass. She thinks I'm suppose to lose sleepover her calling me a fucking cunt, and a piece of trash... it's pretty gay if you ask me, especially since I haven't said SHIT about her... I just don't like her, she needs to get over that, a LOT of people don't like her, because of the way she acts...grow up!
I miss old friends, not Hooksett friends... I'm not talking about all the people from last year, because I still manage to see them around... but I mean I miss the good friends that I didn't get to see everyday, rarely kept in contact with... the goffstown buddies... I miss them like a mother trucker... Shan is the love of my life, and I don't get to see her as much as I would like. She is like my quiet place to subsicide to... she is the one that is going through the same thing, understands me like no one ever has... she sees me for me, knows my pain without even placing a finger on it... she is the greatest girlfriend ((not like that)), someone could ask for. I love how she just knows it though, it helps. And then when we hangout the few times that we do... we have a great time, everything goes away for those few hours of fun. It really couldn't get any better how much happiness this person brings out in me. Dana, we never talk anymore never. I miss him though... I don't think he likes me much anymore, but I still miss him like a lot. He goes through a lot of shit, and seriously I wish I could be as strong as he is. If he could see how big of an idol he is in my eyes and everyone elses, I don't think he would give himself such a hard time. That kid means a lot to me, he is like my best bro, but he doesn't see that... I don't know how to tell him either.... it's hard, but I do miss him, and wish life is treating him better every new day. He deserves the most happiness that any one person can cheerish.. one day that kid will have everything he ever wanted, and he can finally be truly happy, a great guy like him deserves it so much!! Mike, heh that kid is so great. Everything he goes through at home, and he still manages to be the happiest kid in the world. He is still able to live life up to his expectation... I just miss him, and miss the way he use to make me laugh... I hope things have been going great for him.... Craig, wow where to even start? I really MISS this kid so much.. it's not even funny how many times I find myself thinking, wow I miss this kid, I really want to hangout with him soon hopefully. This kid has been all joy in my life... and I feel like the worst person when I think everything over, because I was the one who kind of banned of the relationship.... but I want to fix that, I really want him to see how much he means to me. He is the quiet guy, but the greatest friend... I really just wish he could see how sorry I am, if even remembered everything that went down, I do... it has the sudden linger that gives me chills, gets me in the thinking mood.... he is so awesome though, and I just ahh miss him I guess. Kelly is so great, I miss her so much man. She is the fun hyper side of me hah. She is such a sweetheart, and only the RIGHT guy desereves the RIGHT girl like her.... she just keeps on smiling...
Man I just find I miss these people lately... that goes for John S. too man. I talked with him and everything from the past just opended up again... I miss him so much. That kid was always crazy cool. He has changed my world in a thousand different ways without even doing anything really... but man he is the greatest...
And then there is Trav, who I don't even know how to thank. Whatever I did to deserve a great friend and a great hand like him, I would sure as hell do over again no doubt about that. He sees me through the worst times, and always has the right words to say... he is what keeps me balanced.... he brings a smile through the crowds, and has the biggest heart you could ever imagine. I don't know what I have done without this kid, but man he is so great. He is God's gift.
Now Jason, wow, I don't really know what to say has come to this... I couldn't tell you the last time I had a REAL conversation with him. I don't know what to think anymore... it's kind of where we like both closed everything off. I feel like I'm the one that tries to call him more... but him being the busy kid it's hard to get ahold of. So I will text him and he will text back... he tells me he is bummed he hasn't heard from me, he tells me he misses me, so he tells me to call him... he will call me, and then I'm a busy kid so can't respond right away, and then when I call him, his phone is always on but I always get answering machine, like he doesn't want to talk to me because of the fact I'm calling him days later after his message... but then it just keeps on continuing, because I don't hear back from him for weeks... ooor I just don't hear back from him period... so then it goes back to me trying to get ahold of him, because everything crashes down, and I just want to talk to him one more day just one more time, before I'm to say goodbye or something, before it really feels like he is walking out of my life completely. I guess it's a good thing in the end maybe, because it makes me stronger to let go of things easy, to not give into my feelings as much, it makes me think hey we talk whenever the timing is right, things happen for a reason... I dunno maybe it just makes these days seem shorter too.... I start to question 11107...sometimes I see that as a joke to him, I wonder if he seriously means it like I mean it?? I dunno what to think anymore really.... I will just say my heart won't break after all of this.... I do miss him though...
Wow, these people have all put life into me each and everyone... and it's these people that shine through for me that I realize that I miss, that I miss having that light of happiness... I feel so down because there not really there anymore, I manage to talk with a lot of them, like Trav and Shan almost everday.... and then Craig and I are starting to talk again and planning on hanging out at some point soon.... but it's just harder and harder to reach out to them...I really want them to know how much they mean to me... because I would go on all ends to make sure nothing hurts them anymore, to make sure they were all good, but I can't do that... I'm not that talented... I can't give it up to all of them, I can't give everything away... It's hard but seriously I would if I could...
I'm not sure what to think anymore, I don't even think what I wrote is what I wanted to vent about... I have other thoughts in my head, but really can't put words to them yet, so I need to vent everything else out that's also in there, maybe to be able to target those feelings of hurt and pain more easily... just to think better, and put words to them... I just don't know really...
I fade away in the stereo noise