(Untitled)

[victimofnoone]

Who: Hayley Anderson (Stark), with Aaron Tucker (Stampler); Robert Capa (Multiple threads with others possible, please ask first)
When: Day 2 of port
Where: At the high school; private lesson
What: Aaron thinks Hayley looks familiar; meanwhile, surprise! their friends are trying to make them a couple. Hayley has an art lesson with Capa.
Warnings:

Comments

[victimofnoone]

Hayley's attentions had migrated from the paints to Capa, trying to untangle the knot in her stomach from the unconscious associations with her death. She pulled her legs up onto the chair and into her chest, the arches of her feet perched on the edge, and moved her arms around them to wrap a hand on each opposite ankle. The girl rested her head on her knee for a moment and then lifted it again, still watching her warden.

This life was too different from her own to enjoy. She hated having to pretend to be with Aaron, hated all the classes she hadn't taken in years or had never taken, and how many obligations were in this girl's life in general. Also, the whole fake family thing? A terrible idea. He was right to some extent, but she had to disagree on one point. "It's hard to be myself here even with people I know because it seems like there's always someone else, or it's someone like Tyr or Aaron that I don't want to be myself around."

She supposed she was more herself now, with Capa, but it felt like a mini-vacation she had to hurry and enjoy rather than actually spending time with her friend. Hayley tried to change that, focusing on the present, but it was hard to shake thinking about everything she had to do. "I would rather be without a 'family' or with one that actually knows and likes me? I would rather have taken classes I wanted to take instead of stuff way beyond my level. I would rather have not been pressured into that stupid relationship. And this is totally selfish? But I hate seeing Rex normal like this when I know he's going to go back to being all robot-y again soon.. And Merlin being a girl? It's just too much."

[ourlastbesthope]

He stayed still, observing her position change. What was it, he wondered, that kept her grounded sometimes? It was just another thing he didn't understand about his inmate. She was...so very different. And the way she spoke just presented him with a whole new set of things to talk about. He was glad for it, naturally, but he was also somewhat upset with how it had all turned out. There wasn't much he could do to help her feel better. This was the situation.

Capa had tried to make the best of it- though parts were awkward.

"It's not selfish," he told her first before he went anywhere else. He had figured out that these feelings were...not bad. She had actually been the one to show him that. It was just something he was trying to continue working on.

"But you could have most of that, Hayley." He didn't know about the family part of it, of course.

[victimofnoone]

Hayley glanced away from Capa and then back again when he spoke, wondering what was going on his mind and if he was having the same concerns that she was. Or perhaps he was as happy as she suspected and was instead focusing on her, like it seemed he always was. It was hard for her, with him being her friend as well as her warden, to accept his excess concern as part of his obligation rather than to reject it and tell him to focus on himself. Besides, it seemed to help him to help her and she was grateful for that, so it wasn't logical to pretend she was okay when she wasn't for his sake.

His first words made her freeze for a split second, even pausing her breathing. Then she picked up her normal actions almost immediately. It wasn't exactly what she had been expecting, but she appreciated the thought and gave him a small smile for his troubles. That happiness faded at the latter remark and her posture stiffened. "That's not what I meant. I meant for the port town, for something we have to deal with because the Admiral-- I'm not talking about my life."

She paused, then let out a small sigh and looked away from him. "In my life?.. I want to be able to be myself and to be honest. I can't do that with what I've done and what I believe."

[ourlastbesthope]

Capa knew the answer to the question he was going to ask. He wasn't asking it for his own sake though. He was asking it to try and get her to expand on her thoughts, something that he always attempted to do but usually fell short. It was in times like these that he realized, or at least believed, that he was doing her a disservice. It was unfair of him to put these kinds of expectations on himself and he knew that, but he wanted her so badly to see.

"Then what do you think needs to change?"

[victimofnoone]

Hayley took a moment to consider the words. She already knew the answer, but she wanted to look like she was thinking about it more than she was. She also knew that this conversation could not end well, so after a beat, she dove right in. "My past, my beliefs, or the people I surround myself with. I can't change my past. The idea of changing my beliefs, of changing everything I am? It's just.. disgusting." She meant it and her tone conveyed every ounce of that disgust.

"There's this quote by Elsie Dunn or Evelyn Scott or whatever her name was: 'A belief that doesn't come from a conviction in the emotions is no belief at all.' You have to be emotional to believe in anything at all." It was a subtle jab at Capa's general lack of emotion. As she continued, her voice became less angry and more determined, as if stating a fact. "I know that what I'm doing is right and to pretend otherwise would just be doing exactly what I did before coming here."

The inmate stood from her chair, moving over toward the studio door. She wanted to leave right now. Perceptions be damned. "So, great. I change the people I'm around and I stay on the Barge forever."

[ourlastbesthope]

He got that subtle jab and it stung. But he didn't show it in his face and instead, sat back, folding his hands together in his lap. He really hadn't been wanting to incite her anger at this. It had been a question that was aimed at wanting to see what her priorities were. He hadn't asked her to change her beliefs, as they were ones that he indirectly shared.

So her anger threw him off guard and he just watched when she stood up.

"I didn't say that."

[victimofnoone]

Hayley stopped when she got to the exit, spinning around to face him. The girl sank back against the door with a sad sigh. He was right, he hadn't said anything. It was a topic she was sensitive about because she knew it was why she was on the Barge and she didn't want to change it, which was better than the attitude of not being able to change it that she had had with Harvey, she supposed. "No, but you asked the question and wanted the answer, right?"

The inmate unconsciously reached into her pocket for Harvey's coin, grimacing when she remembered it wasn't there. Instead of leaving, she just stayed there, leaning back against the door, watching and waiting for him to reply. She was still upset, but it hadn't been his fault, so she knew he deserved a right to talk.

[ourlastbesthope]

"I did, yes," he replied. "But not because I'm asking you to change your beliefs. I was actually more hinting that perhaps you needed to change who you were trying to befriend. There are a lot of people on the Barge, Hayley. I don't mind Dick. I think he might be good for you. But Crane? Loki? They're only serving to reinforce your ideas."

After saying that, he had no idea where it had actually come from. It wasn't anything particularly pressing that had been wearing on him...it just seemed to come out.

Now he just had to wait.

port icons not varied enough..

[victimofnoone]

"Wha--" Hayley tried to ask, but it came out as only a noise before she just started at Capa with her mouth open and eyebrows scrunched together. After a short stretch of silence where he didn't correct or elaborate, she realized that he meant it. She straightened from the door, looking left and then right, trying to find an answer or the proper words to explain how completely ridiculous and judgmental and terrible that idea was. If she didn't try to get to know people like that, she'd never know the terrible things they did and could never try to correct them or make them better or anything. Besides, people like Dick were cool and all, but not someone she felt she could be honest with.

"Dick doesn't even know and I'm not sure he would be friends with me if he did," she opted to begin with, trying to keep her voice level and block out the slight waver. After a deep breath and another stare, she finally addressed the main issue. She would try to give what he had to say a chance. "What ideas? Reinforcing how? Why do you object to them but not Rex? Why can you have genocidal friends but I can't have one that's just a bit insane?"

[ourlastbesthope]

Capa sighed. She wanted the truth. That's what this whole thing was about. "It's not that, Hayley." He froze a moment and stood up, walking out the door and back to the kitchen, wanting to do something with his hands instead of just lying them in his lap idly, like he was trying not to get upset.

Which, he really wasn't upset. He just wished he knew how to talk to her consistently. He felt like he was either really good...or really wrong. But that was the way of things, he supposed.

"I don't know anything about Rex. And reinforcing your ideas that people need to be punished. Which..." And he turned to face her, then. "I understand. I told you that I did. But again, my personal beliefs on that matter aren't relevant."

[victimofnoone]

Hayley was silent at first, remaining where she was in the art room. After a beat, she followed him just into the entryway in order to see him and leaned softly against the doorway there. Capa seemed genuinely.. something; an emotion of some kind, though she couldn't nail it, and that was something to take notice of it and of itself. At least, she liked to think so, even if he wouldn't care or would consider it a fault.

The inmate gave a light shake of her head, still looking at him. "Mm-mm, no. It's totally not like that. I mean, we don't even know for sure that my 'punishments' are why I'm an inmate. Maybe it's just my trust issues or something. And if anything? It's the opposite. There are so many terrible people here that totally deserve to just die and not get a second chance. People like Jon and Loki? I don't know.."

She paused awkwardly, glancing away. "I just feel like.. maybe they deserve a second chance. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but.." She let out a puff of air, then shook her head, looking up at Capa again. Her voice was less tentative when she spoke again. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just try and befriend more wardens or whatever."

[ourlastbesthope]

"Well, Wardens aren't exactly a bastion of truth and justice, as you well know. But I think that maybe you should, maybe not befriend them, but at least attempt to interact more with them. And, while I don't want you to get your secret out, I do want you to find out different sides of this issue."

He looked completely at ease as he opened the refridgerator door and pulled out a can of soda. It was probably his second soda in three years, so he planned on savoring it for a while.

"Instead of looking for people who need second chances, it might be a good idea to look for people who don't."

[victimofnoone]

"I don't go looking for people who need second chances and I don't plan on looking for people who don't. The whole point of the people that maybe deserve a second chance? Is that you can't tell who they are without getting to know them." Hayley tucked her hands in her pockets, watching him. She was a little more emotional about the issue than she was letting on, trying to listen to him and take his words into consideration.

"Besides, I just.. make friends with whoever I make friends with. That includes Dick and Merlin. It included Harry Lockheart, Ned, Harry Dresden.. uh.. Jack, Bruce, Leo. All of those guys were wardens. Both Harvey and Ruby graduated too." The inmate wasn't entirely certain what point she was trying to make really, just that she had lots of friends and she didn't usually discriminate between warden and inmate. Up until recently, it hadn't been a problem.