(no subject)
I'm so out of my head right now and i just don't want to deal with anything. I just want to close the door in all they're faces and just be alone. I don't want to do fucking inspections just because someone else fucked up. I don't want to do study hours under asinine supervision like we're fucking children. I just need to sit here and stop thinking for an hour or so. I can't deal with my own problems and I can't deal with anyone else's. I don't really know why I'm freaking out. I do know that I'm working myself up over nothing, like I always do. I know there's probably nothing to worry about, that it's all in my head and I keep thinking and worrying about it because I just can't stop obsessing over stupid trivial things that don't matter anymore.
I am happy with him. He doesn't even know how much he's helped me. But this can't happen now, not so soon, not again. I can't do this to him, which is why I get scared and never say anything. But of course, all that insecurity comes back from back then, and I doubt myself, unconditionally. I can't stop shaking and twitching and my head feels so full and yet so empty at the same time.
would he understand? probably. he's been through some tough shit I'm sure. But all I can think of is him and how badly I care about him. And how dangerously fast I'm falling for him. I don't want to hurt him, and I'm so scared that I'm going to. But at the same time, I'm scared that he's gonna hurt me too and not even know. He'll say things that bring up unpleasant reminders, about how he never trusted me. I don't want the same things to happen again, I don't want to fall back into old self-destructing habits
I am happy with him. He doesn't even know how much he's helped me. But this can't happen now, not so soon, not again. I can't do this to him, which is why I get scared and never say anything. But of course, all that insecurity comes back from back then, and I doubt myself, unconditionally. I can't stop shaking and twitching and my head feels so full and yet so empty at the same time.
would he understand? probably. he's been through some tough shit I'm sure. But all I can think of is him and how badly I care about him. And how dangerously fast I'm falling for him. I don't want to hurt him, and I'm so scared that I'm going to. But at the same time, I'm scared that he's gonna hurt me too and not even know. He'll say things that bring up unpleasant reminders, about how he never trusted me. I don't want the same things to happen again, I don't want to fall back into old self-destructing habits