Recent Excerpt... Life of Pi.
28 June 2013
I watched Life of Pi tonight. I discovered the book, years ago, at a thrift shop. I was drawn to its cover; the image of a boy & a tiger sharing a single tiny boat in a vast sea of water drew me in, as I myself was also floating amongst uncharted waters at this time in my life. Possibly I was lost within my own Bermuda Triangle. Anyway, I read a chapter or two, but then discontinued the read due to the author's frequent mentions of God & religion. Such topics used to deeply annoy me. At this time in my life, I had not yet understood the fact that when a person mentions God, they are not necessarily referring to some external, physical, rather harsh & judgmental "God" that observes humankind from somewhere in the sky, but rather God as unity, connection, the driving force behind us all, that does not exist outside of us, but is in fact within every single one of us. It's not a he or a she. It's something mysterious, internal, universal. It's a power. It's an energy.
That's my opinion, anyway. I don't argue with opinions. I don't like to argue about anything, to be honest.
Anyway, to get back on track. There was something about the movie's theme that I found deeply relatable. I felt an affinity towards the connection the boy felt with the tiger. There was someone, in the past, with whom I used to be close to. This person was damaged beyond repair -- riddled with ailments emotional, spiritual & neurological, & constantly screaming of the past. I carried the burden even when I could barely stand. I saw so much potential for success & happiness, even though, in reality, there was absolutely none for him. I tried to help him by seeing his potential, but it seemed that my encouragement served no purpose whatsoever, other than to further damage his already deranged mind. I was trying to save the man who wanted only to be destroyed.
This was the time I was dying from the inside out. Being around this person, actually, sped up the dying process for me. For this, I feel thankful. The sooner I was destroyed the sooner I could be re-created. I knew that, this time, I could build myself as opposed to allowing others to mold & shape me. I had previously strayed from the creator within, & after all the battles were over, I fought to get that back.
The boy's relationship with the tiger struck a chord within me. I wonder, how much of what we see in others is truly the other, & how much of what we see in others are merely pieces of our selves being reflected back upon us? In previous journal entries, certain readers have assumed that I "missed" him. That is rather insulting. I am not so sick in the head. I do, sometimes, miss the girl that I was. Vibrant & brave, I miss the battles she fought, I miss the chaos she escaped, I miss the feeling of being utterly lost at sea & yet being perfectly at the place that I am supposed to be… Now, it seems all is found, & all is dull.
How much of that beauty was ever truly his beauty, & how much of that beauty was my own beaming potential being reflected back at me? I remember the moment I first discovered my potential. The excitement of the very first discovery of a previously unknown, though incredibly valuable gem, can never be recreated. Or perhaps it can, but I must find my own way.
Sometimes, a person is nothing more than a stepping stone. Sometimes they are not meant to greet you at the end of the road. Sometimes they are nothing more than the sign that points you in a given direction. That said, a single stepping stone is not to be overrated. A single stepping stone, however seemingly small or insignificant, can determine the course of a life.
I watched Life of Pi tonight. I discovered the book, years ago, at a thrift shop. I was drawn to its cover; the image of a boy & a tiger sharing a single tiny boat in a vast sea of water drew me in, as I myself was also floating amongst uncharted waters at this time in my life. Possibly I was lost within my own Bermuda Triangle. Anyway, I read a chapter or two, but then discontinued the read due to the author's frequent mentions of God & religion. Such topics used to deeply annoy me. At this time in my life, I had not yet understood the fact that when a person mentions God, they are not necessarily referring to some external, physical, rather harsh & judgmental "God" that observes humankind from somewhere in the sky, but rather God as unity, connection, the driving force behind us all, that does not exist outside of us, but is in fact within every single one of us. It's not a he or a she. It's something mysterious, internal, universal. It's a power. It's an energy.
That's my opinion, anyway. I don't argue with opinions. I don't like to argue about anything, to be honest.
Anyway, to get back on track. There was something about the movie's theme that I found deeply relatable. I felt an affinity towards the connection the boy felt with the tiger. There was someone, in the past, with whom I used to be close to. This person was damaged beyond repair -- riddled with ailments emotional, spiritual & neurological, & constantly screaming of the past. I carried the burden even when I could barely stand. I saw so much potential for success & happiness, even though, in reality, there was absolutely none for him. I tried to help him by seeing his potential, but it seemed that my encouragement served no purpose whatsoever, other than to further damage his already deranged mind. I was trying to save the man who wanted only to be destroyed.
This was the time I was dying from the inside out. Being around this person, actually, sped up the dying process for me. For this, I feel thankful. The sooner I was destroyed the sooner I could be re-created. I knew that, this time, I could build myself as opposed to allowing others to mold & shape me. I had previously strayed from the creator within, & after all the battles were over, I fought to get that back.
The boy's relationship with the tiger struck a chord within me. I wonder, how much of what we see in others is truly the other, & how much of what we see in others are merely pieces of our selves being reflected back upon us? In previous journal entries, certain readers have assumed that I "missed" him. That is rather insulting. I am not so sick in the head. I do, sometimes, miss the girl that I was. Vibrant & brave, I miss the battles she fought, I miss the chaos she escaped, I miss the feeling of being utterly lost at sea & yet being perfectly at the place that I am supposed to be… Now, it seems all is found, & all is dull.
How much of that beauty was ever truly his beauty, & how much of that beauty was my own beaming potential being reflected back at me? I remember the moment I first discovered my potential. The excitement of the very first discovery of a previously unknown, though incredibly valuable gem, can never be recreated. Or perhaps it can, but I must find my own way.
Sometimes, a person is nothing more than a stepping stone. Sometimes they are not meant to greet you at the end of the road. Sometimes they are nothing more than the sign that points you in a given direction. That said, a single stepping stone is not to be overrated. A single stepping stone, however seemingly small or insignificant, can determine the course of a life.