I prefer the quiet.
I have a few goals for this break: 1) Take a journey North again, & document it in photos, writing, perhaps even videos. The first time I did this journey was for an entirely different reason. The first time was for escape. This time will be more for documentation & fun. 2) Make a personal website. Seeing as how I am aiming to be a Web Guru, I really should make a website for my portfolio. I made several fake sites for school, but not yet a "real" site that serves a logical purpose to being on the WWW. Andrew also wants a website, since he is a golf instructor & looking to be more independent.
Since Illustrator class, I have truly & fully realized I do not want to be a Graphic Designer. I chose right by choosing Web. It has taken me 6 months to realize this, but I think I finally realize it. Writing codes will be fun from here on out. Some graphic designers have huge egos. Illustrator class is fucking competitive, & being one of the few Web people in the room, I am sick & tired of competing in an art that I never claimed to be my forte. Believe me, I can do good illustrations. But some people in there just whip out the Van Goghs & Rembrandts of Adobe Illustrator, then bask in a hideous amount of pride. It is disgusting. The instructor encourages his students to welcome the "hate" that lesser-artists have for the greater ones. Please. You wish I hated you for being "great". Truth is, your pride sickens me. I find loud pride to be extremely obnoxious & ignorant. You need to learn the art of quiet dignity. I prefer the introverted & modest nature of the Web people.
It is time for new scenery. I have earned it. It may be my only chance for a long while. The last time I skidded all the way up the PCH from So Cali to Washington was several years ago. Yet, I reflect upon this time so often that this journey never truly ended. Up North, I threw my pain to the sea, so small in the raging expanse of the ocean. Ocean is a woman. Ocean is a healer. I gave my heart to the North, in promise I would one day go back.
The hardness that was formerly so prevalent in my personality softened as I lingered by the oceans & the mountains of the North. The hardness had been destroying me. I stifled my sensitivity, my femininity, for fear I would be hurt. It took me a long while to realize that femininity is simply a different form of strength, provided its qualities are utilized properly; this strength is psychic, intuitive, defined by the ability to touch things others cannot even imagine. Unfortunately the power of femininity can be destructive when the ability to see is turned inward for too long… If you have the ability to see, look towards a healthy view.
I still have tendencies to grip things & people I love with a grasp so tight it is almost painful… But I have learned to soften this grip, to cultivate trust, to see before reacting. Seeing the wide open plains of nature reminded me of the beautiful silence that cities do not have… The empty spaces are not truly empty but are filled with oxygen, trees, long winding roads that have one car every 3 hours. I find it healing to be out in the vastness & to know this vastness is so incredibly full.
Since Illustrator class, I have truly & fully realized I do not want to be a Graphic Designer. I chose right by choosing Web. It has taken me 6 months to realize this, but I think I finally realize it. Writing codes will be fun from here on out. Some graphic designers have huge egos. Illustrator class is fucking competitive, & being one of the few Web people in the room, I am sick & tired of competing in an art that I never claimed to be my forte. Believe me, I can do good illustrations. But some people in there just whip out the Van Goghs & Rembrandts of Adobe Illustrator, then bask in a hideous amount of pride. It is disgusting. The instructor encourages his students to welcome the "hate" that lesser-artists have for the greater ones. Please. You wish I hated you for being "great". Truth is, your pride sickens me. I find loud pride to be extremely obnoxious & ignorant. You need to learn the art of quiet dignity. I prefer the introverted & modest nature of the Web people.
It is time for new scenery. I have earned it. It may be my only chance for a long while. The last time I skidded all the way up the PCH from So Cali to Washington was several years ago. Yet, I reflect upon this time so often that this journey never truly ended. Up North, I threw my pain to the sea, so small in the raging expanse of the ocean. Ocean is a woman. Ocean is a healer. I gave my heart to the North, in promise I would one day go back.
The hardness that was formerly so prevalent in my personality softened as I lingered by the oceans & the mountains of the North. The hardness had been destroying me. I stifled my sensitivity, my femininity, for fear I would be hurt. It took me a long while to realize that femininity is simply a different form of strength, provided its qualities are utilized properly; this strength is psychic, intuitive, defined by the ability to touch things others cannot even imagine. Unfortunately the power of femininity can be destructive when the ability to see is turned inward for too long… If you have the ability to see, look towards a healthy view.
I still have tendencies to grip things & people I love with a grasp so tight it is almost painful… But I have learned to soften this grip, to cultivate trust, to see before reacting. Seeing the wide open plains of nature reminded me of the beautiful silence that cities do not have… The empty spaces are not truly empty but are filled with oxygen, trees, long winding roads that have one car every 3 hours. I find it healing to be out in the vastness & to know this vastness is so incredibly full.