(no subject)
It sucks to suffer from depression...
...just throwing that out there.
No one seems to understand that I seem as though I am not happy anymore because I am not bloody well happy anymore. I love college, but I do not feel as though I belong here. I do not like living on campus. It is my suspicion that I do not fancy it because I am depressed and, being depressed as well as suffering from severe anxiety issues, I am unable to pursue a social life of any kind. I do my work, I live for my studies, but I have no friends. At times I am glad that I do not have friends as I then would have to deal with worrying about if they truly liked me, if I were actually an annoyance to them, or if they only allowed me in their presence because they pitied me.
I am the Charlie Brown of Villanova.
I hate when people tell me I do not seem happy anymore. Partly because I know that I am unhappy, and partly because that brings up old pain. That was the reason the only person who ever felt I was worth dating broke up with me under that pretense... during an IM chat... then we talked on the phone. That one still makes me feel as though I am worthless.
Now we've entered the pity party of the update. Woo hoo.
I love Halloween. I was all excited about a Haunted House/Halloween Part I had heard about in one of the dorms. They stated that their would be games and a costume contest. I got all dressed up. There was only a small Haunted House. Of course, there is no reason for me to feel foolish, but I do. I was going to dress up tomorrow in classes; now I feel that that would only lead to a repeat of tonights feelings of suck.
I miss Halloween.
...I miss not being so crazy.
I want to go home now.
I am such a child.
...just throwing that out there.
No one seems to understand that I seem as though I am not happy anymore because I am not bloody well happy anymore. I love college, but I do not feel as though I belong here. I do not like living on campus. It is my suspicion that I do not fancy it because I am depressed and, being depressed as well as suffering from severe anxiety issues, I am unable to pursue a social life of any kind. I do my work, I live for my studies, but I have no friends. At times I am glad that I do not have friends as I then would have to deal with worrying about if they truly liked me, if I were actually an annoyance to them, or if they only allowed me in their presence because they pitied me.
I am the Charlie Brown of Villanova.
I hate when people tell me I do not seem happy anymore. Partly because I know that I am unhappy, and partly because that brings up old pain. That was the reason the only person who ever felt I was worth dating broke up with me under that pretense... during an IM chat... then we talked on the phone. That one still makes me feel as though I am worthless.
Now we've entered the pity party of the update. Woo hoo.
I love Halloween. I was all excited about a Haunted House/Halloween Part I had heard about in one of the dorms. They stated that their would be games and a costume contest. I got all dressed up. There was only a small Haunted House. Of course, there is no reason for me to feel foolish, but I do. I was going to dress up tomorrow in classes; now I feel that that would only lead to a repeat of tonights feelings of suck.
I miss Halloween.
...I miss not being so crazy.
I want to go home now.
I am such a child.