The Things I Believe
I've had this post in the making for quite some time, and I dug it out of my e-mail today and decided to actually post it.
Firstly, this is not aimed at anyone now or formerly on the f-list! It was originally sparked by my reactions to a handful of events some time ago, but it is not aimed at anyone in particular.
So I'll say up front that if my views contained herein offend you, it's defriending amnesty day on this journal. (actually that's every day, but whatever.)
To the new friends: Uh, so this might be your first experience with my addiction to tl;dr. I'm sorry?
Final point: You want to disagree with me, that's fine, but I expect reasoned argument instead of personal attacks. That includes disagreeing with any other person who comments, too. I will freeze comment threads if people start getting disrespectful and nasty.
And, on to the blather.
I believe that you get back what you put in. This is generally true of jobs, relationships, classes, and projects. Obviously there are some exceptions where the professor is incompetent or the manager just won't recognize what you've done - and I specifically differentiate these circumstances from OMG WHINING where that's not actually the case but someone wants to convince themselves or a listener that it is.
If you are a negative person, rejoicing in schadenfreude, reveling in the misfortune of others, and only happy when you are proving your superiority to someone else, you are going to get that same negativity back. You can be judged by the company you keep - not even in a social-class sense, but also because if you hang around with negative, nasty people, the assumption is that you are also a negative, nasty person and should be treated as such.
I have also found, in my own personal experience, that surrounding oneself with caring, positive people is a great way to get started on becoming that way yourself. I am profoundly grateful to some of the oldest friends on this LJ, who put up with me through college and had helpful things to say that got me where I am now. Thank you, thank you, thank you again.
I believe that all spiritual paths serve the same purpose, and ultimately lead to the same place. This statement used to come with the modifier "positive" on the phrase "spiritual paths," but I've since revised my thinking on the matter. My reasoning is partially based on my own beliefs, which hold that each time we go through the reincarnation cycle, we are here to learn something new. You cannot learn only from leading a positive lifestyle (see below re: owning your fuckups); at some point, we all do mean and nasty things. We need to learn from the consequences of these mean and nasty things - consequences both for ourselves, and for others. I may not agree with someone whose religious beliefs hold that devil-worship is the right path, but I do believe that those beliefs serve a purpose for that person, whether within the narrow scope of this particular lifespan or the broader universal scope of their soul's learning process. If nothing else, those paths serve as learning-by-negative-example for the rest of us: do not do this thing, for it leads to negative places. (For purposes of this discussion, I'm including atheism and agnosticism under the heading of spiritual paths. Also, I'm not trying to make a value judgment on any one path or any one practice. YMMV.)
I believe that no one on this earth OWES you anything by simple virtue of your existence. No, really. You are not entitled to a Lexus or a McMansion. You are not entitled to a free ride. You are entitled to the things that you have worked for. "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." I think that's a pretty good blueprint for what you are owed: physical life, the opportunity to make your own choices, and the opportunity to work for your goals. Nothing more. The world does not owe you a career in the field of your choice absent effort on your part. The world does not owe you luxuries. Nobody owes you ANYTHING and there are no free lunches.
I believe that everyone is responsible for managing their money wisely. This one is kind of complicated: obviously not everyone knows every in and out of the stock market or investments, and that is why we have a service-based economy. However, it is your responsibility to ensure that you are spending less than you are making. It is your responsibility to manage your credit wisely. There are probably 600,000 websites out there on budgeting, saving, etc. USE THEM. The information is there. Just because it was not handed to you on a silver platter does not absolve you from the need to acquire it. Have some goddamn initiative, and also some fucking common sense. If you lack such common sense, that is not my problem nor is it my responsibility to dig you out of the hole you are in through your own actions. This includes my tax dollars!
I believe that everyone needs to own their own fuckups. Seriously. If you fail to get off your butt and apply for jobs in your last year of college, and you end up working a shit customer service job just to pay your bills, that is your problem. (Speaking from personal experience here.) If you fail to research the town you are moving to fully enough, and you do not buy an appropriate sticker for your car, then you deserve the ticket you get. (Personal experience here, too.) If you spend too much money on your credit cards and end up in debt, that is not my fault, the retailers' fault, the credit card companies' fault, or Aunt Ethel's pet monkey's fault. It is YOURS. You made a series of choices that led you to that point. Deal with it, dig yourself out, and keep going. If you sleep with your boss's wife and get fired, that's your fault too. I am sickened and disgusted by the extent to which American culture has become one of blaming the OTHERS in your life for YOUR stupidity. Quit whining and grow the fuck up.
I believe that all committed and permanent relationships - one man/one woman, two men, two women, three persons of any given gender combination, WHATEVER - have the same rights and responsibilities. Personally, I'd love to see the word "marriage" deleted from the legal lexicon in its entirety. Legally, all committed and permanent relationships should be defined as civil unions, because that is what they are. "Marriage," in the eyes of the law, is a committed and permanent contract between two people. If you take the gender combination out of the legal equation, then each individual religious establishment can choose whether to sanction it as "marriage" within their individual tradition, and everybody's happy. Or close enough. Whatever. But I get furious whenever anybody suggests that if I want to marry a woman, it's any different from me wanting to marry a man. WE'RE ALL PEOPLE. The plumbing is IRRELEVANT to the emotional commitment involved. If you, personally, believe that marriage is a religiously sanctioned event that should only be between a man and a woman - that's just fine by me, but your religious preferences have absolutely no place in the legal code of this country.
I believe that no one has the right to legislate my bedroom or my body. This is twofold: sexual morality, and abortion.
Firstly, sexual morality. What happens in private between two or more consenting adults is no one's business but theirs. This includes oral sex, bondage, scat, watersports, D/s, S&M, "master/slave," rape fantasy, threesomes, orgies, two men, two women, or any other combination. I repeat: two or more consenting adults. I do not condone rape. I do not condone pedophilia. These things should be banned in the law. However, it is not your business nor anyone else's what I do in my bedroom.
As a corollary to that belief, I strongly believe that accurate and complete information about safer-sex practices should be available to everyone. I think that as a culture, the poisonous attitude that women who want sexual pleasure are sluts while men are studs, is disgusting. I could write an entire other post on cultural expectations of women, relationships, and sex but I'm not even going to scratch the surface of that here. I think that at this point it's been pretty well demonstrated that abstinence-only is not a viable program of sexual education. I went to a Catholic high school and I learned more about safer sex practices than some of my age group in public schools, and I was in a very blue county in a very blue state. Kids are GOING to mess around. That's not going to change. What can change, and NEEDS to change, is that they need to have the information and the tools to do so SAFELY. This includes condoms, dental dams, and most importantly, INFORMATION.
Continuing on from that, I believe that abortion should be legal and should be regulated just like the rest of the medical industry. Even assuming that my rant above comes to pass and there is more information and more birth control available, sometimes that is going to fail. I, personally, would prefer that persons in that situation give those children up for adoption, but sometimes carrying a child to term is just not a viable option for health or financial reasons. Since the need for abortion is not going to go away, it needs to be safe and available instead of women dying as a result of botched back-alley abortions. However, I believe that other options should be offered and discussed before that decision is made.
I believe that you have the personal responsibility to do YOUR LEVEL BEST. If you aren't, then don't expect me to give you a handout. You don't have to be a rocket scientist, a genius football player, or whatever else, but do not sit on your ass and expect me to support you. Everyone has things that they can do well. I expect people to do the things they are capable of. "I don't want to" is different from "I can't."
I believe that if you have the right to vote, you also have the responsibility to do so in an informed manner. Do your research and do not rely on television ads or platform speeches. The information is not hard to find. Also keep in mind that not everyone follows their party line on all issues; it's your responsibility to know how your elected representatives at all levels will act on the issues that matter to you.
tl;dr: take responsibility for yourself.
Firstly, this is not aimed at anyone now or formerly on the f-list! It was originally sparked by my reactions to a handful of events some time ago, but it is not aimed at anyone in particular.
So I'll say up front that if my views contained herein offend you, it's defriending amnesty day on this journal. (actually that's every day, but whatever.)
To the new friends: Uh, so this might be your first experience with my addiction to tl;dr. I'm sorry?
Final point: You want to disagree with me, that's fine, but I expect reasoned argument instead of personal attacks. That includes disagreeing with any other person who comments, too. I will freeze comment threads if people start getting disrespectful and nasty.
And, on to the blather.
I believe that you get back what you put in. This is generally true of jobs, relationships, classes, and projects. Obviously there are some exceptions where the professor is incompetent or the manager just won't recognize what you've done - and I specifically differentiate these circumstances from OMG WHINING where that's not actually the case but someone wants to convince themselves or a listener that it is.
If you are a negative person, rejoicing in schadenfreude, reveling in the misfortune of others, and only happy when you are proving your superiority to someone else, you are going to get that same negativity back. You can be judged by the company you keep - not even in a social-class sense, but also because if you hang around with negative, nasty people, the assumption is that you are also a negative, nasty person and should be treated as such.
I have also found, in my own personal experience, that surrounding oneself with caring, positive people is a great way to get started on becoming that way yourself. I am profoundly grateful to some of the oldest friends on this LJ, who put up with me through college and had helpful things to say that got me where I am now. Thank you, thank you, thank you again.
I believe that all spiritual paths serve the same purpose, and ultimately lead to the same place. This statement used to come with the modifier "positive" on the phrase "spiritual paths," but I've since revised my thinking on the matter. My reasoning is partially based on my own beliefs, which hold that each time we go through the reincarnation cycle, we are here to learn something new. You cannot learn only from leading a positive lifestyle (see below re: owning your fuckups); at some point, we all do mean and nasty things. We need to learn from the consequences of these mean and nasty things - consequences both for ourselves, and for others. I may not agree with someone whose religious beliefs hold that devil-worship is the right path, but I do believe that those beliefs serve a purpose for that person, whether within the narrow scope of this particular lifespan or the broader universal scope of their soul's learning process. If nothing else, those paths serve as learning-by-negative-example for the rest of us: do not do this thing, for it leads to negative places. (For purposes of this discussion, I'm including atheism and agnosticism under the heading of spiritual paths. Also, I'm not trying to make a value judgment on any one path or any one practice. YMMV.)
I believe that no one on this earth OWES you anything by simple virtue of your existence. No, really. You are not entitled to a Lexus or a McMansion. You are not entitled to a free ride. You are entitled to the things that you have worked for. "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." I think that's a pretty good blueprint for what you are owed: physical life, the opportunity to make your own choices, and the opportunity to work for your goals. Nothing more. The world does not owe you a career in the field of your choice absent effort on your part. The world does not owe you luxuries. Nobody owes you ANYTHING and there are no free lunches.
I believe that everyone is responsible for managing their money wisely. This one is kind of complicated: obviously not everyone knows every in and out of the stock market or investments, and that is why we have a service-based economy. However, it is your responsibility to ensure that you are spending less than you are making. It is your responsibility to manage your credit wisely. There are probably 600,000 websites out there on budgeting, saving, etc. USE THEM. The information is there. Just because it was not handed to you on a silver platter does not absolve you from the need to acquire it. Have some goddamn initiative, and also some fucking common sense. If you lack such common sense, that is not my problem nor is it my responsibility to dig you out of the hole you are in through your own actions. This includes my tax dollars!
I believe that everyone needs to own their own fuckups. Seriously. If you fail to get off your butt and apply for jobs in your last year of college, and you end up working a shit customer service job just to pay your bills, that is your problem. (Speaking from personal experience here.) If you fail to research the town you are moving to fully enough, and you do not buy an appropriate sticker for your car, then you deserve the ticket you get. (Personal experience here, too.) If you spend too much money on your credit cards and end up in debt, that is not my fault, the retailers' fault, the credit card companies' fault, or Aunt Ethel's pet monkey's fault. It is YOURS. You made a series of choices that led you to that point. Deal with it, dig yourself out, and keep going. If you sleep with your boss's wife and get fired, that's your fault too. I am sickened and disgusted by the extent to which American culture has become one of blaming the OTHERS in your life for YOUR stupidity. Quit whining and grow the fuck up.
I believe that all committed and permanent relationships - one man/one woman, two men, two women, three persons of any given gender combination, WHATEVER - have the same rights and responsibilities. Personally, I'd love to see the word "marriage" deleted from the legal lexicon in its entirety. Legally, all committed and permanent relationships should be defined as civil unions, because that is what they are. "Marriage," in the eyes of the law, is a committed and permanent contract between two people. If you take the gender combination out of the legal equation, then each individual religious establishment can choose whether to sanction it as "marriage" within their individual tradition, and everybody's happy. Or close enough. Whatever. But I get furious whenever anybody suggests that if I want to marry a woman, it's any different from me wanting to marry a man. WE'RE ALL PEOPLE. The plumbing is IRRELEVANT to the emotional commitment involved. If you, personally, believe that marriage is a religiously sanctioned event that should only be between a man and a woman - that's just fine by me, but your religious preferences have absolutely no place in the legal code of this country.
I believe that no one has the right to legislate my bedroom or my body. This is twofold: sexual morality, and abortion.
Firstly, sexual morality. What happens in private between two or more consenting adults is no one's business but theirs. This includes oral sex, bondage, scat, watersports, D/s, S&M, "master/slave," rape fantasy, threesomes, orgies, two men, two women, or any other combination. I repeat: two or more consenting adults. I do not condone rape. I do not condone pedophilia. These things should be banned in the law. However, it is not your business nor anyone else's what I do in my bedroom.
As a corollary to that belief, I strongly believe that accurate and complete information about safer-sex practices should be available to everyone. I think that as a culture, the poisonous attitude that women who want sexual pleasure are sluts while men are studs, is disgusting. I could write an entire other post on cultural expectations of women, relationships, and sex but I'm not even going to scratch the surface of that here. I think that at this point it's been pretty well demonstrated that abstinence-only is not a viable program of sexual education. I went to a Catholic high school and I learned more about safer sex practices than some of my age group in public schools, and I was in a very blue county in a very blue state. Kids are GOING to mess around. That's not going to change. What can change, and NEEDS to change, is that they need to have the information and the tools to do so SAFELY. This includes condoms, dental dams, and most importantly, INFORMATION.
Continuing on from that, I believe that abortion should be legal and should be regulated just like the rest of the medical industry. Even assuming that my rant above comes to pass and there is more information and more birth control available, sometimes that is going to fail. I, personally, would prefer that persons in that situation give those children up for adoption, but sometimes carrying a child to term is just not a viable option for health or financial reasons. Since the need for abortion is not going to go away, it needs to be safe and available instead of women dying as a result of botched back-alley abortions. However, I believe that other options should be offered and discussed before that decision is made.
I believe that you have the personal responsibility to do YOUR LEVEL BEST. If you aren't, then don't expect me to give you a handout. You don't have to be a rocket scientist, a genius football player, or whatever else, but do not sit on your ass and expect me to support you. Everyone has things that they can do well. I expect people to do the things they are capable of. "I don't want to" is different from "I can't."
I believe that if you have the right to vote, you also have the responsibility to do so in an informed manner. Do your research and do not rely on television ads or platform speeches. The information is not hard to find. Also keep in mind that not everyone follows their party line on all issues; it's your responsibility to know how your elected representatives at all levels will act on the issues that matter to you.
tl;dr: take responsibility for yourself.