indecisive... oy...
this message brought to you by: crystal light, hunger, and a HUGE decision...
-sigh- what i expected to happen after dave and jen broke up, happened- he asked me to go out with him again. and i don't have the faintest clue what to do. and yes, i know- i should "follow my heart", right? yeah, that'll work real well, considering my heart can't make a decision either... because, i mean, i never really stopped liking him that way, even when we started calling each other "adoptive siblings". which, in reality (and retrospect) might've been both of our ways of saying that we still cared about each other... this, actually, happened yesterday, but i just never got around to posting, cuz i was sooooo busy last nite. but anyway, i was talking with mike (btw, thnx boyo, if you're reading this), and helped... not a WHOLE lot, but still helped clear my mind, at least... (i'm gonna put part of the conversation behind a cut, so it takes up less room, lol)
"mike: well, how do you feel about it?
ish: -sigh- i dunno... i mean, i guess i never really stopped liking him... but i still like ian. a lot.
and i can't help but wonder if i'm just a "rebound", since it's still soooo soon after they [jen and dave] broke up... so... i dunno what i should do. i mean, if i head a better idea of what was going on inside ian's head, and inside dave's head, that'd help, but... urg.
mike: yeah..........idk.....maybe you should think it over a while, you know?
ish: i know... he asked earlier when i would have an answer for him, and i was like "before the end of the week, cuz i'm gonna have to do a lot of thinking" and it's just... this time, the decision is gonna be SO much harder, cuz i know what it's like, ya know? the relationship, and realizing that i'm not ready or whatever, and having to break up with him... and ian. always comes back to him.
mike: .......there was that one quote from somewhere.....
ish: what quote?
mike: "Never make someone a priority when they make you a maybe" ...somethin like that
ish: ...gah... -headdesk-
mike: did that help or hurt?
ish: meh... both... more so help, but... i dunno, i mean- the way i feel for dave is SO different then with ian. like- with ian, the feelings are stronger. but, i dunno if it's because he's my first "big crush", or what...
mike: well, like you said, it would help to know their thoughts
ish: yeah... i need to talk to dave for, like, more then the five/six minutes that we have between classes. and ian... gah, i doubt i'll get anything out of him, if i could even get a hold of him.
mike: thats a good idea
-later-
ish: ...well, i got the excitement i was looking for, didn't i? e.e
mike: lol... ironic
ish: no kidding... pfft... -snickers-
mike: just....try and hang in there, mmk?
ish: i know... you said the same thing to me earlier in the week, when i was dealing with jen...why does life have to be so COMPLICATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????
mike: itll be alright
ish: i know, but... i live in the moment, so, that "alright" of tomorrow or later down the road seems a while off..."
so, yeah, that sums it up in... not so few words, but... -sigh- i dunno... anyone wanna make a decision for me? kidding, of course, but nonetheless... anyway... what'd you (aka becky, possibly mike, and that's most likely about it) think of my last comment? pure poetic brilliance, eh? hahaha... yeah, i know, it's actually rather pathetic, but, whatever...
...um, that's about all that happened today, besides the random, crazy lunch conversations, but that's nothing new... and no one is online, yet again. gah... OH! last nite (why it was sooo crazy) was the beginning of our lent program at church, which is going to be sooooo much fun. i'm really looking forward to it. and the "youth play/musical" we're doing this year is called "Are We There Yet?", which is the story of Moses... becky is Moses, and i reeeeeally hope that i get to be Miriam. she's the narrator of the whole thing, and get's some really funny lines... i can't WAIT for next week!!!!!
...okay, now that's it... -half grin-
as always,
~ish
-sigh- what i expected to happen after dave and jen broke up, happened- he asked me to go out with him again. and i don't have the faintest clue what to do. and yes, i know- i should "follow my heart", right? yeah, that'll work real well, considering my heart can't make a decision either... because, i mean, i never really stopped liking him that way, even when we started calling each other "adoptive siblings". which, in reality (and retrospect) might've been both of our ways of saying that we still cared about each other... this, actually, happened yesterday, but i just never got around to posting, cuz i was sooooo busy last nite. but anyway, i was talking with mike (btw, thnx boyo, if you're reading this), and helped... not a WHOLE lot, but still helped clear my mind, at least... (i'm gonna put part of the conversation behind a cut, so it takes up less room, lol)
"mike: well, how do you feel about it?
ish: -sigh- i dunno... i mean, i guess i never really stopped liking him... but i still like ian. a lot.
and i can't help but wonder if i'm just a "rebound", since it's still soooo soon after they [jen and dave] broke up... so... i dunno what i should do. i mean, if i head a better idea of what was going on inside ian's head, and inside dave's head, that'd help, but... urg.
mike: yeah..........idk.....maybe you should think it over a while, you know?
ish: i know... he asked earlier when i would have an answer for him, and i was like "before the end of the week, cuz i'm gonna have to do a lot of thinking" and it's just... this time, the decision is gonna be SO much harder, cuz i know what it's like, ya know? the relationship, and realizing that i'm not ready or whatever, and having to break up with him... and ian. always comes back to him.
mike: .......there was that one quote from somewhere.....
ish: what quote?
mike: "Never make someone a priority when they make you a maybe" ...somethin like that
ish: ...gah... -headdesk-
mike: did that help or hurt?
ish: meh... both... more so help, but... i dunno, i mean- the way i feel for dave is SO different then with ian. like- with ian, the feelings are stronger. but, i dunno if it's because he's my first "big crush", or what...
mike: well, like you said, it would help to know their thoughts
ish: yeah... i need to talk to dave for, like, more then the five/six minutes that we have between classes. and ian... gah, i doubt i'll get anything out of him, if i could even get a hold of him.
mike: thats a good idea
-later-
ish: ...well, i got the excitement i was looking for, didn't i? e.e
mike: lol... ironic
ish: no kidding... pfft... -snickers-
mike: just....try and hang in there, mmk?
ish: i know... you said the same thing to me earlier in the week, when i was dealing with jen...why does life have to be so COMPLICATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????
mike: itll be alright
ish: i know, but... i live in the moment, so, that "alright" of tomorrow or later down the road seems a while off..."
so, yeah, that sums it up in... not so few words, but... -sigh- i dunno... anyone wanna make a decision for me? kidding, of course, but nonetheless... anyway... what'd you (aka becky, possibly mike, and that's most likely about it) think of my last comment? pure poetic brilliance, eh? hahaha... yeah, i know, it's actually rather pathetic, but, whatever...
...um, that's about all that happened today, besides the random, crazy lunch conversations, but that's nothing new... and no one is online, yet again. gah... OH! last nite (why it was sooo crazy) was the beginning of our lent program at church, which is going to be sooooo much fun. i'm really looking forward to it. and the "youth play/musical" we're doing this year is called "Are We There Yet?", which is the story of Moses... becky is Moses, and i reeeeeally hope that i get to be Miriam. she's the narrator of the whole thing, and get's some really funny lines... i can't WAIT for next week!!!!!
...okay, now that's it... -half grin-
as always,
~ish