George W. Bush
Have just finished watching the state of the union, by our *ahem* esteemed president, am resisting the urge to put my foot through my television and will instead post the following:
Please keep in mind that none of this is fabricated
Subject: RESUME: George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and
had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has
been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused
to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining
the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam. There were a lot of people trying to avoid Vietnam so I was "lucky" to get into the Nat'l Guard.
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a "C" average. I was a cheerleader. Somehow this was enough to get me into Harvard Law.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for US Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought
an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.
I set the record for the most s by any Governor in American
history.
With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over
500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the US surplus and effectively bankrupted the US Treasury. Not only that, but by insisting that capital gains and other taxes on my wealthy friends be cut, I destroyed the mechanism by which there ever was a surplus to begin with.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the US
stock market.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal
record.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year
period.
After taking-off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S.history.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
In my State Of The Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I have since changed my story about the reasons for the war several times. I have gone from WMD to Al Qaida connections to liberation to nation-building and back to terrorism.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a US president.
In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president
in US history.
I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president
since the advent of television.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of mankind.
I've broken more international treaties than any president in US history.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in US history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice,
has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I am the first president in US history to order an unprovoked, preemptive
attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against
the will of the United Nations, the majority of US citizens, and the world
community.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in
the history of the United States government.
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove
the US from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the US from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war (detainees)
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
I am the all-time US and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US
history. My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate
attorneys to assure my success with the US Supreme Court during my
election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton
against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating
one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the US after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the US the most hated country in
the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view
my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I changed the US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-president,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
I have also refused to allow the Congressional 9/11 inquiry to view any White House records leading up to the event. For no reason, of course. I have nothing to hide...
Please consider my experience when voting in 2004 -
Please keep in mind that none of this is fabricated
Subject: RESUME: George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and
had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has
been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused
to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining
the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam. There were a lot of people trying to avoid Vietnam so I was "lucky" to get into the Nat'l Guard.
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a "C" average. I was a cheerleader. Somehow this was enough to get me into Harvard Law.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for US Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought
an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.
I set the record for the most s by any Governor in American
history.
With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over
500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the US surplus and effectively bankrupted the US Treasury. Not only that, but by insisting that capital gains and other taxes on my wealthy friends be cut, I destroyed the mechanism by which there ever was a surplus to begin with.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the US
stock market.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal
record.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year
period.
After taking-off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S.history.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
In my State Of The Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I have since changed my story about the reasons for the war several times. I have gone from WMD to Al Qaida connections to liberation to nation-building and back to terrorism.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a US president.
In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president
in US history.
I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president
since the advent of television.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of mankind.
I've broken more international treaties than any president in US history.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in US history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice,
has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I am the first president in US history to order an unprovoked, preemptive
attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against
the will of the United Nations, the majority of US citizens, and the world
community.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in
the history of the United States government.
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove
the US from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the US from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war (detainees)
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
I am the all-time US and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US
history. My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate
attorneys to assure my success with the US Supreme Court during my
election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton
against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating
one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the US after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the US the most hated country in
the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view
my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I changed the US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-president,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
I have also refused to allow the Congressional 9/11 inquiry to view any White House records leading up to the event. For no reason, of course. I have nothing to hide...
Please consider my experience when voting in 2004 -