letting go

[larzhope04]

so for the past year I have watched someone who is very close to me make mistake after mistake and it kills me that I can do absolutely nothing about it. I guess life would be a helluva lot easier if we always took the advice we were given and knew that it was the right choice... I guess we all have to learn from our own mistakes... it just makes me upset that this whole situation for my friend could end up in never having children, and not following dreams you know you're born to do simply because you're too lazy. I can't really get into specifics because I doubt this person would appreciate me displaying his/her personal information for everyone else to read. It just sucks. and what sucks even more is the way that I completely lay myself out for this friend, and get absolutely nothing in return. not even a phone call to let me know that an upsetting event has happened, only returns a phone call a week later and uses the event as an excuse to why I never got a phone call. 4 1/2 years of friendship.... its hard to let go, but I think its time that I did, for my sake as much as my friend's. It hurts me to have been put first for 3 1/2 years and then been tossed aside with no regard to my feelings. I have other friends in other states, it is completely possible to maintain a friendship despite distance, yes, its more difficult, but i figured it would be worth it. It is just extremely upsetting to me that one of the smartest, most intelligent, warm-hearted people that i've ever met is using absolutely no logic and common sense and behaving really stupidly... It's so funny how life can completely change... this person is someone, who, in high school I never would have dreamed that he/she would absolutely abandon lifelong dreams merely for independence. and that is essentially what this is about: independence. and making life a hell of a lot harder for yourself in refusing to let people help you that care about you, despite whether you want/need their help. and why the hell do i care so much? why do i let myself get so wrapped up in my friendships? I have CONSTANTLY been let down by this person over the last year yet I still cannot manage to let go. I have other friends. I have other things to worry about. It's been made clear to me that I am at the bottom of his/her priority list. I just need to say screw it, cut my losses (which at this point is many hours and... probably at least $1,000 that i've spent on this person... god that pisses me off to no end). It is almost i wish that I would've done something to not warrant still having this friendship. instead, its just the opposite: i've busted my ass to make this friendship stay alive, and its all been a one-sided effort. I bet if I don't call this person for the next month, I may hear from him/her if the decision is made to move back and go to school, but if not, I don't know when I will hear anything. but the humane person in me can't do that... I want to make sure this person is ok, since a bad thing has just happened, but at the same time... its nothing no one else has gone through. I've gone through it (much worse, actually) and this person merely said "you're better off" and downplayed how much it sucked for me (probably because this person had NO IDEA). I don't know. I believe in God but I just don't understand why he's wasting this AMAZING talent on what its doing....

but anyways. I need to study, and my brother's ex girlfriend is coming to pick up some pictures that I picked up when i was home this weekend.