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My internet's fucking up today.
So. To yesterday's email, this is his response.
"I'll tell you the same thing i told Allison.
Your bitterness and pain you willingly carry is only hurting yourself. You are not given permission by God to carry out a sentance of hatred and vendictive hostility towards me for the rest of your life because you were injured by me. I do not send excuses nor ever have, i've appologised to you all. I cannot go back and make it right. I cannot redo my wrongs nor have i ever denied any of them. The sexual issues that i was enslaved by have hurt me more deeply than you'll ever know. The look on your face burned into my soul and i've been dead inside somewhere ever since. The fact is i sinned , and for you to hold me in contempt puts you above me when in reality you are equally a sinner. All people are. God requires us to forgive one another because He says He is the rightful judge and none of us are beyond reproach. He forgives us unconditionally and if we do not forgive one another we forfit His forgiveness of our own sin.
I pray for you and your siblings each and every day that you would one day come to know the forgiveness and peace with God i have come to know. I'm deeply saddened that you 2 have decided to stir all the pain up again and come lashing at me out of the blue. For crying out loud Aubery its been 5 years. You have no idea that the divorce and all of it's fallout have scared me horribly as well. But your pain will never go away while you carry this torch or hate and vengance.
Just what exactly of what i said is "bullcrap"? i never denied from the time of the divorce until now my guilt and responsibility for what happened. What exactly would you have me say to Allie? I've already admitted my guilt and apologised. Do you think i can make everything become right somehow?.It's so sad to see your hatefull ramblings and venomous attacks on me still. I never sought to use my faith to excuse my wrong-doings, but unlike yourself i do not have to carry the baggage of the past. Neither do you. My faith is not compromised Aubrey because i made mistakes, a real Chrisian is one who recognises his faults and overcomes them. Had i not owned up to them or denied responsibility in any way that would be one thing. But you some how feel the need to crucify me now forever. The debth of my sins are without question horrible. Yet no trespass anyone can make whether it's murder or rape or whatever is unforgivable. Only Jesus Christ is perfect and has the right to judge our sin. You are bloodthirsty Aubrey and have a judge complex that you think will somehow make me pay for the pain i've caused you. People who know you can list terrible sins in your life too, and although you see one infraction as being more terrible than another, in God's eyes sin is sin. In the bible people caught a woman in the act of adultery and expected Jesus to level judgement on her on the spot. Jesus said "he that is without sin among you let him cast the first stone" i know you've heard that but this is you in the crowd yelling "stone him..stone him" the rock in your hand wont make your pain go away, nor will keeping me chained up in a prison in your heart. As i told your sister hatred will poison your soul and eventually destroy you.
I am very saddend that you've decided again to distance yourself from me. I tried but havent managed to help you get past it. It is you who chooses to hold on to that misery, but as always i love you and continue to make myself available to you if you should decide to let it go and let us heal.
You like Relient K so much,..how is it you manage to completely ignore the message of "which to bury , us or the hatchet"?"
Like I've said before, the man is a complete idiot.
For one thing, he completely ignored my email, and just told me the same religious bullshit he said to Allison, after I instructed him not to.
Secondly, he has NEVER reconciled with me the things he's done. He has NEVER apologized for splitting our family apart, and he sure as hell has NEVER taken responsiblity for those actions, or my sisters wouldn't be going without groceries right now because my mother hasn't gotten a paycheck in two weeks.
Thirdly, he has never made an effort to get close with me again, either, without wanting something out of it, some benefit for himself. I'm so exhausted right now I can barely think.
He's hiding behind this wall of religion, this excuse "I've made my peace with God about what happened." Amras if you're reading this I want your opinion, because I don't think that's good enough. I don't think it's enough to ask forgiveness from someone you know will forgive you, that's the easiest fucking part. I want to know why he hasn't made the honest effort to get that same fucking forgiveness out of the people he's hurt.
This issue has been plagueing my whole family for over a decade. I want him to move away and never return. I want him to stop talking to my mom and sisters, because we are so much better off without him at this point. What good will come out of continuing to go back and talk to him when he'll just continue to rip me apart? I don't see the point in it anymore.
So. To yesterday's email, this is his response.
"I'll tell you the same thing i told Allison.
Your bitterness and pain you willingly carry is only hurting yourself. You are not given permission by God to carry out a sentance of hatred and vendictive hostility towards me for the rest of your life because you were injured by me. I do not send excuses nor ever have, i've appologised to you all. I cannot go back and make it right. I cannot redo my wrongs nor have i ever denied any of them. The sexual issues that i was enslaved by have hurt me more deeply than you'll ever know. The look on your face burned into my soul and i've been dead inside somewhere ever since. The fact is i sinned , and for you to hold me in contempt puts you above me when in reality you are equally a sinner. All people are. God requires us to forgive one another because He says He is the rightful judge and none of us are beyond reproach. He forgives us unconditionally and if we do not forgive one another we forfit His forgiveness of our own sin.
I pray for you and your siblings each and every day that you would one day come to know the forgiveness and peace with God i have come to know. I'm deeply saddened that you 2 have decided to stir all the pain up again and come lashing at me out of the blue. For crying out loud Aubery its been 5 years. You have no idea that the divorce and all of it's fallout have scared me horribly as well. But your pain will never go away while you carry this torch or hate and vengance.
Just what exactly of what i said is "bullcrap"? i never denied from the time of the divorce until now my guilt and responsibility for what happened. What exactly would you have me say to Allie? I've already admitted my guilt and apologised. Do you think i can make everything become right somehow?.It's so sad to see your hatefull ramblings and venomous attacks on me still. I never sought to use my faith to excuse my wrong-doings, but unlike yourself i do not have to carry the baggage of the past. Neither do you. My faith is not compromised Aubrey because i made mistakes, a real Chrisian is one who recognises his faults and overcomes them. Had i not owned up to them or denied responsibility in any way that would be one thing. But you some how feel the need to crucify me now forever. The debth of my sins are without question horrible. Yet no trespass anyone can make whether it's murder or rape or whatever is unforgivable. Only Jesus Christ is perfect and has the right to judge our sin. You are bloodthirsty Aubrey and have a judge complex that you think will somehow make me pay for the pain i've caused you. People who know you can list terrible sins in your life too, and although you see one infraction as being more terrible than another, in God's eyes sin is sin. In the bible people caught a woman in the act of adultery and expected Jesus to level judgement on her on the spot. Jesus said "he that is without sin among you let him cast the first stone" i know you've heard that but this is you in the crowd yelling "stone him..stone him" the rock in your hand wont make your pain go away, nor will keeping me chained up in a prison in your heart. As i told your sister hatred will poison your soul and eventually destroy you.
I am very saddend that you've decided again to distance yourself from me. I tried but havent managed to help you get past it. It is you who chooses to hold on to that misery, but as always i love you and continue to make myself available to you if you should decide to let it go and let us heal.
You like Relient K so much,..how is it you manage to completely ignore the message of "which to bury , us or the hatchet"?"
Like I've said before, the man is a complete idiot.
For one thing, he completely ignored my email, and just told me the same religious bullshit he said to Allison, after I instructed him not to.
Secondly, he has NEVER reconciled with me the things he's done. He has NEVER apologized for splitting our family apart, and he sure as hell has NEVER taken responsiblity for those actions, or my sisters wouldn't be going without groceries right now because my mother hasn't gotten a paycheck in two weeks.
Thirdly, he has never made an effort to get close with me again, either, without wanting something out of it, some benefit for himself. I'm so exhausted right now I can barely think.
He's hiding behind this wall of religion, this excuse "I've made my peace with God about what happened." Amras if you're reading this I want your opinion, because I don't think that's good enough. I don't think it's enough to ask forgiveness from someone you know will forgive you, that's the easiest fucking part. I want to know why he hasn't made the honest effort to get that same fucking forgiveness out of the people he's hurt.
This issue has been plagueing my whole family for over a decade. I want him to move away and never return. I want him to stop talking to my mom and sisters, because we are so much better off without him at this point. What good will come out of continuing to go back and talk to him when he'll just continue to rip me apart? I don't see the point in it anymore.