Dresden fic - yet untitled
Title: Untitled
Fandom: The Dresden Files (books)
Pairing: Harry/Murphy
Spoilers: Changes and Aftermath
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Jim Butcher, I'm just playing around.
After two hours of driving I finally arrive at my destination, a small little place outside of Chicago, one of Thomas' little hideaways. Yesterday he broke some pretty shocking news to me, and we've agreed to meet here so that he could show me.
It just sounds too good to be true. They tell me it is, though, that they've seen with their own eyes the moment it happened, Thomas and Molly. And they should know, I should trust them. But I can't.
Thomas greets me at the door.
"Karrin."
"Pretty boy." It's our usual friendly banter. He chuckles.
"Come on in." I step into the small living room. "He's in the bedroom... Are you ready for this, Karrin?"
"Are you playing with me, Raith? Just..." I'm nervous about it, he notices. I try to stay cool, though. So, I take a calming breath. "Is it really...?"
"Yes... I'll get him... Maybe you should sit down."
"I'm fine." I answer as he disappears down a hallway. Seconds later, he comes back, then a very smiling Molly and finally... Him.
I've been waiting for this day, hoping for it against all odds. Against the prove of his blood staining that boat at the marina, against the vain search in the waters of the lake, against the fact that it's been seven long months since the last time someone's heard anything from him. I've refused to believe the evidence and instead I've being negotiating with God for him to be safe somewhere.
He looks ok now, fresh out from the shower; his wavy brown hair is still a little damp. He stands before me in all his almost seven feet in height, his slender but strong built and those chocolate colored eyes that can show both a sharp mind and an adorable shyness.
I'm seeing him but I can't believe it. It can't be that easy. What if is all a lie? What if is someone else trying to take advantage? It's been chaos since he's disappeared. It's been day after day of fighting against things that I can barely name, being cautious at all times, trusting almost nobody. I can't afford to be careless about this. And I've been fooled before.
So, of course my reaction is to draw out my gun and point it at him. I hear a surprised gasp from Thomas and Molly, who have brought him to me. But there's no reaction beyond that because he holds a hand out to them, stopping every movement in the room. He's not scared. It seems like he doesn't know what I'm capable when he very damn well should, if it was really him. Because I'm great with guns, and fierce when it comes to defend the people I care. I wouldn't let some heartless monster tarnish his name, fool his friends and hurt them with whatever evil plan it might have.
He knows all that and I should see fear in his eyes. But as I aim, his posture remains cold and calm. So, no, it can't be him, he's not like that. He would be trying to convince me to put the gun down by now.
"So... Are you going to shot me or not?" He asks calmly. It sounds like him too.
Maybe it is him and a little bullet is just not so scary anymore. He's seen and felt so much worse. Maybe the little shake in my hand is giving me away too. And whoever standing before me knows that I'm the one that is afraid of what could happen next. I could be about to shot my best friend or about to deal with someone with enough power to mask himself as him and god knows what else.
"Who are you?" I ask back, trying to sound as cool as he looks.
"I'm me... I'm Harry."
"Prove it" I demand with as much authority as I can summon.
"What me to tell you something only you and I would know...? Like in the movies...? We both know that's not enough."
"No, it's not. But you better start talking or I'll start shooting... Who...? Or better yet... What are you? What do you want? Why are you wearing his face?"
"Karrin, it's really him. I already explained it to you." Thomas interrupts.
"How do we know for sure? How can you trust this?" I glare at Thomas. He can't be that naive.
"We already told you! We were there!" Says Molly. There's anger in her voice. Doesn't she know that this is for her good too? But I get it, she has it bad for him, she's worried I'm the one doing something stupid and I'll hurt him. If it's really him.
"It's ok, guys. Leave us alone, please." He says, still very calm.
"What?" Says Thomas, startled and worried about the request. He doesn't seem to like the idea. Neither do I, to be honest. I'm not sure what's going on.
"Please, just for a second. There's something I need to show to Murph, here. So that she'd believe me."
"Are you sure, Harry?" Says Thomas, hesitantly.
"He's pulling some kind of trick here and you're worried about him?! Really? What the..."
"Hey, you're the one with a gun and about to open fire!" Interrupts Molly. She's a great girl, but so temperamental.
"Fine, then. You know what? Leave, I'll deal." I answer with a growl.
"Harry..." Molly starts.
"Leave." He says firmly. And they do it finally.
"What are you trying here?" I ask. My nerves are going insane, my hand still trembles and my voice is starting to do so too. I'm alone with him now, all on my own, and I can't begin to tell what is his plan.
During the previous exchange he hadn't move, but now he starts to approach me, very slowly but determinately. This is the part where I should start shooting. I can't let him get too close to me.
"Stay where you are!" I warn him. He does.
"Murph, it really is me. Let me show you."
I shake my head no. I want to believe him but... I've been through this before. Years ago someone approach me wearing this same face, I trusted him. And... God, the things it did to me! It took me years to recover from that, from not feeling helpless anymore, from stop feeling like a victim. I can't let it happen again, this time I know what things could be like. I've seen too much, I know too much. "Prove it, then."
"Ok." Is all he says and I notice that for the first time he looks directly at me. Before, he kept looking at Thomas, Molly, the floor, the gun. Now he's looking straight into my eyes. And I can feel it start to happen. That thing he's said happen with wizards when you look too hard. We've never done it because we've never needed it. And maybe also because we've never dared, he's always says it allows you to see it all.
But now I feel it when he pulls me in, inside himself. And I see. Oh, God. I see.
I don't think I'll ever be able to describe what I saw. After all the things I've faced in a fifteen year career with the police and almost the same amount of years working with him, I thought that would prepare me for pretty much anything. I was wrong. I would have never imagined...
"Karrin..." He whispers. "Karrin... Are you ok?"
"I don't know." I can barely talk.
"Karrin... Do you believe me now?"
He tries to come closer to me, but for every step forward he takes, I take one back and away. I realize that I've put the gun down, my hand lies limp at my side, but I'm still gripping it, if even slightly. I'm shaking so strongly now and I feel wetness on my face. I'm crying.
"Yes." I finally answer him.
"So... you're sure now... I'm Harry." His cold mask is gone and the pleading tone in his voice makes me tremble even more.
"You are... Oh, Jesus... I never imagined... Oh, God." I can't form really coherent thoughts right now.
"What...? What did you see?" He asks worriedly.
"I... I can't even... can't even put a name to it. Oh, Jesus... What are you?"
"I'm... I don't... Does it scare you...? Do I scare you?" He asks me and in that moment I can only tell him the truth.
"Yes." He does, I can't lie about it now that I've seen what's inside.
"Oh..." He turns to look at the floor again, as if ashamed. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. The things I've been through, the things I've done... I'm sorry, for what you had to see. But it was the only way. For you to be sure."
"You've been the best friend I've ever had... I'm sorry... " He apologizes again and I can see the hurt in his face as he says the words. He keeps speaking without looking up at me. And I know, I can tell, he's probably more afraid than me right now. Because he thinks this is it, the end. That what he is, what he carries inside, what makes him the man he is, is going to make me go away.
And I can't deny that I'm so very close to do just that. The desire to walk out that door and never look back, forget everything I've seen, everything I've felt, is so strong. This is just too much. Everything's been too much for the past seven months, and for the past 10 years actually. The grieve, the pain, the rage, the confussion, the danger, it's all so hard. Maybe if I would've been born into his world, maybe if I was what he is. But I didn't and I'm not. We are so different. I'm scared and I'm tired. And I don't understand it all, I probably never will. I should walk away. Yes, that's the rational thing to do.
"Karrin..." He says my name gently. "Karrin... Am I...? Are you...? This is going to come between us, isn't it...?" He takes a deep breath and finally looks up at me again. "Am I loosing you?"
And with that he puts me on the spot and I have to say something now, I have to tell him that he's right, that I can't do this. But... Can I really do it? Turn my back and not care for what happens to him in the future? What if he doesn't make it? It's not his fault after all, he didn't ask for it, even he doesn't understand himself why things are what they are, and his nature as it is. The sadness in his voice reaches deep inside me and I think of every life he's saved, every person he's help, every right choice he's made, every smile and kind word that's come out of his mouth... That's what he is, that who he is. He tries to do the best with what he has. And isn't it that all any of us can really do? In the end, you can only hope it will be enough.
I want to believe it could be. He's proven so much, many times, even if it has cost him greatly. And I just don't want it to cost him his life again, or his heart. I put my gun back in its holster and I'm the one going to him this time. I notice as I do so that he has tears running down his cheeks. He looks so frail suddenly. I take his face in my hands and very gently pull him down to me. I meet his eyes and say just one word.
"Never." He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. A second later, I feel his arms twinning around my waist and back, hugging me closer to him. I move my hands to the back of his neck and hair.
"Thank you." He says in his softest voice.
"It's ok. You still owe me some drinks." He gives me a small smile. I made the right choice.
The End.
Fandom: The Dresden Files (books)
Pairing: Harry/Murphy
Spoilers: Changes and Aftermath
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Jim Butcher, I'm just playing around.
After two hours of driving I finally arrive at my destination, a small little place outside of Chicago, one of Thomas' little hideaways. Yesterday he broke some pretty shocking news to me, and we've agreed to meet here so that he could show me.
It just sounds too good to be true. They tell me it is, though, that they've seen with their own eyes the moment it happened, Thomas and Molly. And they should know, I should trust them. But I can't.
Thomas greets me at the door.
"Karrin."
"Pretty boy." It's our usual friendly banter. He chuckles.
"Come on in." I step into the small living room. "He's in the bedroom... Are you ready for this, Karrin?"
"Are you playing with me, Raith? Just..." I'm nervous about it, he notices. I try to stay cool, though. So, I take a calming breath. "Is it really...?"
"Yes... I'll get him... Maybe you should sit down."
"I'm fine." I answer as he disappears down a hallway. Seconds later, he comes back, then a very smiling Molly and finally... Him.
I've been waiting for this day, hoping for it against all odds. Against the prove of his blood staining that boat at the marina, against the vain search in the waters of the lake, against the fact that it's been seven long months since the last time someone's heard anything from him. I've refused to believe the evidence and instead I've being negotiating with God for him to be safe somewhere.
He looks ok now, fresh out from the shower; his wavy brown hair is still a little damp. He stands before me in all his almost seven feet in height, his slender but strong built and those chocolate colored eyes that can show both a sharp mind and an adorable shyness.
I'm seeing him but I can't believe it. It can't be that easy. What if is all a lie? What if is someone else trying to take advantage? It's been chaos since he's disappeared. It's been day after day of fighting against things that I can barely name, being cautious at all times, trusting almost nobody. I can't afford to be careless about this. And I've been fooled before.
So, of course my reaction is to draw out my gun and point it at him. I hear a surprised gasp from Thomas and Molly, who have brought him to me. But there's no reaction beyond that because he holds a hand out to them, stopping every movement in the room. He's not scared. It seems like he doesn't know what I'm capable when he very damn well should, if it was really him. Because I'm great with guns, and fierce when it comes to defend the people I care. I wouldn't let some heartless monster tarnish his name, fool his friends and hurt them with whatever evil plan it might have.
He knows all that and I should see fear in his eyes. But as I aim, his posture remains cold and calm. So, no, it can't be him, he's not like that. He would be trying to convince me to put the gun down by now.
"So... Are you going to shot me or not?" He asks calmly. It sounds like him too.
Maybe it is him and a little bullet is just not so scary anymore. He's seen and felt so much worse. Maybe the little shake in my hand is giving me away too. And whoever standing before me knows that I'm the one that is afraid of what could happen next. I could be about to shot my best friend or about to deal with someone with enough power to mask himself as him and god knows what else.
"Who are you?" I ask back, trying to sound as cool as he looks.
"I'm me... I'm Harry."
"Prove it" I demand with as much authority as I can summon.
"What me to tell you something only you and I would know...? Like in the movies...? We both know that's not enough."
"No, it's not. But you better start talking or I'll start shooting... Who...? Or better yet... What are you? What do you want? Why are you wearing his face?"
"Karrin, it's really him. I already explained it to you." Thomas interrupts.
"How do we know for sure? How can you trust this?" I glare at Thomas. He can't be that naive.
"We already told you! We were there!" Says Molly. There's anger in her voice. Doesn't she know that this is for her good too? But I get it, she has it bad for him, she's worried I'm the one doing something stupid and I'll hurt him. If it's really him.
"It's ok, guys. Leave us alone, please." He says, still very calm.
"What?" Says Thomas, startled and worried about the request. He doesn't seem to like the idea. Neither do I, to be honest. I'm not sure what's going on.
"Please, just for a second. There's something I need to show to Murph, here. So that she'd believe me."
"Are you sure, Harry?" Says Thomas, hesitantly.
"He's pulling some kind of trick here and you're worried about him?! Really? What the..."
"Hey, you're the one with a gun and about to open fire!" Interrupts Molly. She's a great girl, but so temperamental.
"Fine, then. You know what? Leave, I'll deal." I answer with a growl.
"Harry..." Molly starts.
"Leave." He says firmly. And they do it finally.
"What are you trying here?" I ask. My nerves are going insane, my hand still trembles and my voice is starting to do so too. I'm alone with him now, all on my own, and I can't begin to tell what is his plan.
During the previous exchange he hadn't move, but now he starts to approach me, very slowly but determinately. This is the part where I should start shooting. I can't let him get too close to me.
"Stay where you are!" I warn him. He does.
"Murph, it really is me. Let me show you."
I shake my head no. I want to believe him but... I've been through this before. Years ago someone approach me wearing this same face, I trusted him. And... God, the things it did to me! It took me years to recover from that, from not feeling helpless anymore, from stop feeling like a victim. I can't let it happen again, this time I know what things could be like. I've seen too much, I know too much. "Prove it, then."
"Ok." Is all he says and I notice that for the first time he looks directly at me. Before, he kept looking at Thomas, Molly, the floor, the gun. Now he's looking straight into my eyes. And I can feel it start to happen. That thing he's said happen with wizards when you look too hard. We've never done it because we've never needed it. And maybe also because we've never dared, he's always says it allows you to see it all.
But now I feel it when he pulls me in, inside himself. And I see. Oh, God. I see.
I don't think I'll ever be able to describe what I saw. After all the things I've faced in a fifteen year career with the police and almost the same amount of years working with him, I thought that would prepare me for pretty much anything. I was wrong. I would have never imagined...
"Karrin..." He whispers. "Karrin... Are you ok?"
"I don't know." I can barely talk.
"Karrin... Do you believe me now?"
He tries to come closer to me, but for every step forward he takes, I take one back and away. I realize that I've put the gun down, my hand lies limp at my side, but I'm still gripping it, if even slightly. I'm shaking so strongly now and I feel wetness on my face. I'm crying.
"Yes." I finally answer him.
"So... you're sure now... I'm Harry." His cold mask is gone and the pleading tone in his voice makes me tremble even more.
"You are... Oh, Jesus... I never imagined... Oh, God." I can't form really coherent thoughts right now.
"What...? What did you see?" He asks worriedly.
"I... I can't even... can't even put a name to it. Oh, Jesus... What are you?"
"I'm... I don't... Does it scare you...? Do I scare you?" He asks me and in that moment I can only tell him the truth.
"Yes." He does, I can't lie about it now that I've seen what's inside.
"Oh..." He turns to look at the floor again, as if ashamed. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. The things I've been through, the things I've done... I'm sorry, for what you had to see. But it was the only way. For you to be sure."
"You've been the best friend I've ever had... I'm sorry... " He apologizes again and I can see the hurt in his face as he says the words. He keeps speaking without looking up at me. And I know, I can tell, he's probably more afraid than me right now. Because he thinks this is it, the end. That what he is, what he carries inside, what makes him the man he is, is going to make me go away.
And I can't deny that I'm so very close to do just that. The desire to walk out that door and never look back, forget everything I've seen, everything I've felt, is so strong. This is just too much. Everything's been too much for the past seven months, and for the past 10 years actually. The grieve, the pain, the rage, the confussion, the danger, it's all so hard. Maybe if I would've been born into his world, maybe if I was what he is. But I didn't and I'm not. We are so different. I'm scared and I'm tired. And I don't understand it all, I probably never will. I should walk away. Yes, that's the rational thing to do.
"Karrin..." He says my name gently. "Karrin... Am I...? Are you...? This is going to come between us, isn't it...?" He takes a deep breath and finally looks up at me again. "Am I loosing you?"
And with that he puts me on the spot and I have to say something now, I have to tell him that he's right, that I can't do this. But... Can I really do it? Turn my back and not care for what happens to him in the future? What if he doesn't make it? It's not his fault after all, he didn't ask for it, even he doesn't understand himself why things are what they are, and his nature as it is. The sadness in his voice reaches deep inside me and I think of every life he's saved, every person he's help, every right choice he's made, every smile and kind word that's come out of his mouth... That's what he is, that who he is. He tries to do the best with what he has. And isn't it that all any of us can really do? In the end, you can only hope it will be enough.
I want to believe it could be. He's proven so much, many times, even if it has cost him greatly. And I just don't want it to cost him his life again, or his heart. I put my gun back in its holster and I'm the one going to him this time. I notice as I do so that he has tears running down his cheeks. He looks so frail suddenly. I take his face in my hands and very gently pull him down to me. I meet his eyes and say just one word.
"Never." He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. A second later, I feel his arms twinning around my waist and back, hugging me closer to him. I move my hands to the back of his neck and hair.
"Thank you." He says in his softest voice.
"It's ok. You still owe me some drinks." He gives me a small smile. I made the right choice.
The End.