Yesterday And Today
Yesterday it snowed quite a bit. I woke up to snow, and I get up pretty early on Tuesdays. I had two classes yesterday, psycholinguistics and speech and language development, and I felt okay so I wasn't about to skip MORE class when I felt fine, even if the ground was covered in snow. It was wet, soggy snow, so it wasn't actually THAT cold out but that deep, slushy snow is such a mess. I dont have a good history with snow and school, but nothing really bad happened this time. I got lucky - a guy in my psychling class rides the same train I do and offered to push me to class right at the height of the snow situation - when the snow was it's deepest and slushiest and still coming down in such big heavy flakes that of course we both got soaked, it was very cold, and visibility was crap, and I prob could've pushed myself but I figured I'd take him up on it. I didn't want to get slush all over my hands and freeze my fingers off, and warming up from the cold always sucks my energy away enough as it is.
For the record, this does not usually come up. People do not generally push my chair for me, unless it's like up a step or something, or possibly my own driveway, which is kinda steep, and random acquaintances do not usually offer, although I'm very glad this guy did. But since nobody usually pushes me, the handles on my chair were pushed down, and so to unfold them I kinda ended up twisting around cause you know, they're behind me. I'm not really supposed to twist around AT ALL, and I did try not to twist too much, but I DID, and, in my effort not to twist MUCH I got myself totally unsituated in my chair and was very very uncomfortable for this entire trip to class.
By the time my second class was over so was the snow and it had been totally cleared off all the walkways and sidewalks and etc. Bevan met me at school and we went and had dinner at a brewery, which was very cool and very very well priced, I was excited that the bill was only like 20 bucks. I drank a chocolate raspberry stout and ate a cheese board and a cucumber salad. (I eat cheese now. Those little lactaid pills really work! And... cheese is really good! I've missed it!) It was so cool inside, you could see the big tanks that the beer is in (brewing, or whatever) and we ate in the upstairs, but the stairs were like those very wide, very flat stairs that I totally could have gone up entirely on my own had I been feeling like a workout (which I was not) but I just thought it was pretty cool to eat up there in the loft and look out the window at the city. It was a really nice time. We haven't been on a nice little date like that in a while.
Then after that we went to another bar to meet a couple old friends of mine who were celebrating the one girl's birthday. It was really nice to see them, and I'm glad I went because the girl who's birthday it was doesn't actually have a lot of friends and had made a big deal about celebrating her birthday at this bar and only two people actually showed, not including me and Bevan. And once we got there the other person left! I felt bad for her - and it was great to catch up with her and the friend who stayed, although of course I felt entirely out-classed by both of them. She sells real estate - she's entirely dis-satisfied with that as her job because it has nothing to do with what she went to school for (of course, she is an artist) but she's many years out of school now and at least stable in her life. I feel like she could start a club, though, called All The Disillusioned Ex-Artists, or whatever. Hanna could join. I'd probably find a whole lot of my old friends that way if I started stalking their meetings.
The other girl ended up going to graduate school and working as an art therapist, although she's currently unemployed. I remember having a huge crush on her way back when. And she's still absolutely gorgeous, and absolutely brilliant. On our way home, Bevan was even like, did you hook up with her??? Did you date her??? And I was like, no, of course not! And he was like... WHY NOT? SHE IS AWESOME! And I was like, well, yes she is, but when I knew her she had a girlfriend, so I figured that was that. And that is true, but also, I did used to try to hang around her a lot, like knocking on her door and seeing if she wanted to go eat cereal with me or something, and I'm pretty sure she had no idea I was actually into her. Awesome as she is, she was kinda dense.
But anyway, I had a really good time. It had been a while since I'd gone out, AT ALL, and I don't even like going out with people I either don't like or just don't really care about, but this was not that at all. It was nice to go out with my boyfriend, and it was nice to see those friends, and it was nice to show him off to them! Like, see? No, I have not finished school. No, I don't work. Oh, and I can't really walk anymore either. And I am still completely ruled by painkillers, so if you stopped talking to me because I cared more about my drugs than I cared about you, that is still true. BUT THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND AND WE WENT TO CHINA TOGETHER. SURE WE CAN SPEAK CHINESE TO EACH OTHER, WE'LL SHOW OFF FOR YOU IF YOU WANT!
Today... today I didn't do very much. I went to my hearing sciences class, which was awkward... I didn't write about this, but on Monday I got really upset by something that happened at school. We have to work in a group in this class - I really despise group work. It's a pain in the ass to find a time we can all meet, and it's a bigger pain in the ass to get the whole group on one page. Also, there's a huge pain in the ass IN the group, who never listens and does either the wrong work or does the work wrong but thinks she's SO GREAT and that we'd all be lost without her. I've been so frustrated over this all semester, because I DO care about my grade and I DO care about the work and I get really pissed when other people don't do their shares, because I don't want to have to work EVEN HARDER to pick up their slack. So... true to my usual form, once I became entirely overwhelmed by this frustration, instead of explaining myself to either them or the teacher, I just didn't show up, to anything, for like... two classes and a whole group meeting. I said I was sick. And then, when I finally DID deign to show up, it was the SAME SHIT, so I gave in and went right to the teacher and explained everything. The TA spoke to the girl who I had such a problem with (which I wasn't expecting to happen... for some reason) and then the whole group sat down together, with me there, and made snotty comments about me being a tattletale, to each other, right in front of me.
Like what middle schoolers do. I was astonished. And I've given up on trying to have any pleasant interactions with this group. And I told the TA as much. I don't care what it does to my grade, I can't work with any of them. I thought it was just the one girl, and I didn't think she had an actual problem with me, I thought she was just stupid. Now I know - it's not that I'm socially awkward with them. It's that all three of them just plain DONT LIKE ME. I'll take whatever responsibility I deserve in this - I may have been completely unlikable from the very beginning due to my disgust at having to work in a group and my belief in my superior intellect - but I didn't call anyone any names, not to their face OR behind their back. And that's basically what this was. Just like my middle school classmates used to do. Back then I really didn't care, because I knew they were just snotty kids and they meant nothing to me, but I guess now I'm much more sensitive. I don't go very many places and I don't see or talk to very many people, so I view school as my sole social outlet, so when I interact with people at school, my mindset is very much that I'm trying to get them to like me. Like maybe we can be friends. Maybe that is how you make friends.
So today in class none of the three even made eye contact with me, even when I had to talk to them or they had to talk to me. It sucked. Then I went to the clinic and logged my observation time for the day, and then I skipped my ASL class to come home and catch up on things I've been ignoring. There are still dishes that need to be cleaned from Thanksgiving, and I said last night that I'd finish them up today. I didn't. My bedroom is a mess. I didn't clean it up. My bathroom is a mess. I didn't clean that either. I am a mess. I bought wonderful lavender chamomile body wash and lotion (that I can't afford) to try to sooth myself into feeling less anxious all the time, and I have yet to use it because I have yet to even SHOWER today. It's fine not to shower every day, but it's been like SEVERAL and I need to wash my hair too. I don't do that all that often, so when I say my hair is too dirty, I mean IT IS REALLY DIRTY. I bought a new hair straightener/curler and I have yet to use that... I bought some new makeup and haven't used that either... I bought timed candles and unpacked them and set them out with their batteries planning to put them together at 4:45 on the dot (because once you put the battery in, they're on for 8 hours and off for 16, and last for 6 weeks) cause I would really like to come home to candles lit in my windows (would be nice, right?) but the batteries, even though I bought the ones the package specified, DONT FIT. So basically I've accomplished absolutely nothing today, except for take the candles and the batteries out of their packages and threw away the packing, the bag, and the receipt.
I should prob dig all that out of the trash so I can go back to the store and be like wtf.
Um. Well I will accomplish cooking dinner. Only because I made it the other day though. I made turkey tetrazzini casserole with all my remaining leftovers, but I made two. We ate one, and tonight I just have to put the other one in the oven. Oh, and my cranberry muffins. Also very simple, cornbread mix and cranberry relish. Maybe I'll start that now. And then work on the kitchen. And definitely eventually wash my hair. Before the end of the day. Absolutely.
For the record, this does not usually come up. People do not generally push my chair for me, unless it's like up a step or something, or possibly my own driveway, which is kinda steep, and random acquaintances do not usually offer, although I'm very glad this guy did. But since nobody usually pushes me, the handles on my chair were pushed down, and so to unfold them I kinda ended up twisting around cause you know, they're behind me. I'm not really supposed to twist around AT ALL, and I did try not to twist too much, but I DID, and, in my effort not to twist MUCH I got myself totally unsituated in my chair and was very very uncomfortable for this entire trip to class.
By the time my second class was over so was the snow and it had been totally cleared off all the walkways and sidewalks and etc. Bevan met me at school and we went and had dinner at a brewery, which was very cool and very very well priced, I was excited that the bill was only like 20 bucks. I drank a chocolate raspberry stout and ate a cheese board and a cucumber salad. (I eat cheese now. Those little lactaid pills really work! And... cheese is really good! I've missed it!) It was so cool inside, you could see the big tanks that the beer is in (brewing, or whatever) and we ate in the upstairs, but the stairs were like those very wide, very flat stairs that I totally could have gone up entirely on my own had I been feeling like a workout (which I was not) but I just thought it was pretty cool to eat up there in the loft and look out the window at the city. It was a really nice time. We haven't been on a nice little date like that in a while.
Then after that we went to another bar to meet a couple old friends of mine who were celebrating the one girl's birthday. It was really nice to see them, and I'm glad I went because the girl who's birthday it was doesn't actually have a lot of friends and had made a big deal about celebrating her birthday at this bar and only two people actually showed, not including me and Bevan. And once we got there the other person left! I felt bad for her - and it was great to catch up with her and the friend who stayed, although of course I felt entirely out-classed by both of them. She sells real estate - she's entirely dis-satisfied with that as her job because it has nothing to do with what she went to school for (of course, she is an artist) but she's many years out of school now and at least stable in her life. I feel like she could start a club, though, called All The Disillusioned Ex-Artists, or whatever. Hanna could join. I'd probably find a whole lot of my old friends that way if I started stalking their meetings.
The other girl ended up going to graduate school and working as an art therapist, although she's currently unemployed. I remember having a huge crush on her way back when. And she's still absolutely gorgeous, and absolutely brilliant. On our way home, Bevan was even like, did you hook up with her??? Did you date her??? And I was like, no, of course not! And he was like... WHY NOT? SHE IS AWESOME! And I was like, well, yes she is, but when I knew her she had a girlfriend, so I figured that was that. And that is true, but also, I did used to try to hang around her a lot, like knocking on her door and seeing if she wanted to go eat cereal with me or something, and I'm pretty sure she had no idea I was actually into her. Awesome as she is, she was kinda dense.
But anyway, I had a really good time. It had been a while since I'd gone out, AT ALL, and I don't even like going out with people I either don't like or just don't really care about, but this was not that at all. It was nice to go out with my boyfriend, and it was nice to see those friends, and it was nice to show him off to them! Like, see? No, I have not finished school. No, I don't work. Oh, and I can't really walk anymore either. And I am still completely ruled by painkillers, so if you stopped talking to me because I cared more about my drugs than I cared about you, that is still true. BUT THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND AND WE WENT TO CHINA TOGETHER. SURE WE CAN SPEAK CHINESE TO EACH OTHER, WE'LL SHOW OFF FOR YOU IF YOU WANT!
Today... today I didn't do very much. I went to my hearing sciences class, which was awkward... I didn't write about this, but on Monday I got really upset by something that happened at school. We have to work in a group in this class - I really despise group work. It's a pain in the ass to find a time we can all meet, and it's a bigger pain in the ass to get the whole group on one page. Also, there's a huge pain in the ass IN the group, who never listens and does either the wrong work or does the work wrong but thinks she's SO GREAT and that we'd all be lost without her. I've been so frustrated over this all semester, because I DO care about my grade and I DO care about the work and I get really pissed when other people don't do their shares, because I don't want to have to work EVEN HARDER to pick up their slack. So... true to my usual form, once I became entirely overwhelmed by this frustration, instead of explaining myself to either them or the teacher, I just didn't show up, to anything, for like... two classes and a whole group meeting. I said I was sick. And then, when I finally DID deign to show up, it was the SAME SHIT, so I gave in and went right to the teacher and explained everything. The TA spoke to the girl who I had such a problem with (which I wasn't expecting to happen... for some reason) and then the whole group sat down together, with me there, and made snotty comments about me being a tattletale, to each other, right in front of me.
Like what middle schoolers do. I was astonished. And I've given up on trying to have any pleasant interactions with this group. And I told the TA as much. I don't care what it does to my grade, I can't work with any of them. I thought it was just the one girl, and I didn't think she had an actual problem with me, I thought she was just stupid. Now I know - it's not that I'm socially awkward with them. It's that all three of them just plain DONT LIKE ME. I'll take whatever responsibility I deserve in this - I may have been completely unlikable from the very beginning due to my disgust at having to work in a group and my belief in my superior intellect - but I didn't call anyone any names, not to their face OR behind their back. And that's basically what this was. Just like my middle school classmates used to do. Back then I really didn't care, because I knew they were just snotty kids and they meant nothing to me, but I guess now I'm much more sensitive. I don't go very many places and I don't see or talk to very many people, so I view school as my sole social outlet, so when I interact with people at school, my mindset is very much that I'm trying to get them to like me. Like maybe we can be friends. Maybe that is how you make friends.
So today in class none of the three even made eye contact with me, even when I had to talk to them or they had to talk to me. It sucked. Then I went to the clinic and logged my observation time for the day, and then I skipped my ASL class to come home and catch up on things I've been ignoring. There are still dishes that need to be cleaned from Thanksgiving, and I said last night that I'd finish them up today. I didn't. My bedroom is a mess. I didn't clean it up. My bathroom is a mess. I didn't clean that either. I am a mess. I bought wonderful lavender chamomile body wash and lotion (that I can't afford) to try to sooth myself into feeling less anxious all the time, and I have yet to use it because I have yet to even SHOWER today. It's fine not to shower every day, but it's been like SEVERAL and I need to wash my hair too. I don't do that all that often, so when I say my hair is too dirty, I mean IT IS REALLY DIRTY. I bought a new hair straightener/curler and I have yet to use that... I bought some new makeup and haven't used that either... I bought timed candles and unpacked them and set them out with their batteries planning to put them together at 4:45 on the dot (because once you put the battery in, they're on for 8 hours and off for 16, and last for 6 weeks) cause I would really like to come home to candles lit in my windows (would be nice, right?) but the batteries, even though I bought the ones the package specified, DONT FIT. So basically I've accomplished absolutely nothing today, except for take the candles and the batteries out of their packages and threw away the packing, the bag, and the receipt.
I should prob dig all that out of the trash so I can go back to the store and be like wtf.
Um. Well I will accomplish cooking dinner. Only because I made it the other day though. I made turkey tetrazzini casserole with all my remaining leftovers, but I made two. We ate one, and tonight I just have to put the other one in the oven. Oh, and my cranberry muffins. Also very simple, cornbread mix and cranberry relish. Maybe I'll start that now. And then work on the kitchen. And definitely eventually wash my hair. Before the end of the day. Absolutely.