kudos to lars! my luv, my rescuer <3
well dad and i are fighting AGAIN.....
i get up for school early a couple days ago at 5am and he gets up and i get yelled at. wtf?
among other things we argue lots now and he's a general prick. last night he tried to send me to bed at 9:30. damnit if you don't want me up and around let me leave! i ended up climbing out my window and lars and her mom came and got me.
kudos to lars!!!
she n her mommy are the best ^-^
i must say though, i feel at a loss..... i don't know what i'm supposed to do or think at the moment. once again my father repeated to me today and just like all the other days: "i want to make it clear that when you're done school you can look for a new place to live cause i don't want you around anymore and you sure as hell don't want me around."
ARGH.
i said get off it dad not this again..... and it was like he didn't even hear me. pfft.... i should be used to it.... infact, i should be lucky enough to even be able to get a word in.
i have already missed 4 classes and it's only been 2 days since school got back inn ;-; fuck im so stupid sometimes... but when it comes right down to it i just wanna sit and cry or do some mind numbing substances for awhile. but no. that is bad and that's why i say no to myself.
whywhywhy do i feel so fuckin fcuked up..? for no reason! i mean i pride myself on my ability to make sense of problems, issues, etc. so feeling this way right now is a little distressing! but i don't want any help cause it's embarassing. also i don't know if anyone can help. probably not. it's all probably in my head. argh!!!! plz smack me i might need it.
on the other hand:
colin and i are doing well ^-^ he's been so sick ;-; poor guy.
i wanna stuff him in a bed and feed him chicken soup but that's a little more than immasculating. if we are having problems i sure as hell can't sense any :D
yay! luvluvluv.
i also seem to have lost a little weight. not much, but enough for me to atleast feel good about myself. somewhat? well, nobody's perfect <3
also, i can't really sleep lately. not untill i've been up for 18 or more hours ATLEAST. it kinda sucks? i need another alarm clock. back when i had 3 i'd always get up. but now once i sleep it's for 8-12 hours or more if i have the time.
bah why can't there be 11 grades? i'd be done and i could moveout!
oh, i find it funny that now that i've quit my job like dad asked me too (INSISTED I SHOULD SAY.) is when he's pulling the whole, you gonna move out girl thang.
coincidence?
no.
i think not.
blaaa this is your eivi very confused with life at the moment.
and this is your eivi saying good morning *puffpuff* this shit sucks.....
i need my colin
.................................................A ND MY LARSYPOO
i get up for school early a couple days ago at 5am and he gets up and i get yelled at. wtf?
among other things we argue lots now and he's a general prick. last night he tried to send me to bed at 9:30. damnit if you don't want me up and around let me leave! i ended up climbing out my window and lars and her mom came and got me.
kudos to lars!!!
she n her mommy are the best ^-^
i must say though, i feel at a loss..... i don't know what i'm supposed to do or think at the moment. once again my father repeated to me today and just like all the other days: "i want to make it clear that when you're done school you can look for a new place to live cause i don't want you around anymore and you sure as hell don't want me around."
ARGH.
i said get off it dad not this again..... and it was like he didn't even hear me. pfft.... i should be used to it.... infact, i should be lucky enough to even be able to get a word in.
i have already missed 4 classes and it's only been 2 days since school got back inn ;-; fuck im so stupid sometimes... but when it comes right down to it i just wanna sit and cry or do some mind numbing substances for awhile. but no. that is bad and that's why i say no to myself.
whywhywhy do i feel so fuckin fcuked up..? for no reason! i mean i pride myself on my ability to make sense of problems, issues, etc. so feeling this way right now is a little distressing! but i don't want any help cause it's embarassing. also i don't know if anyone can help. probably not. it's all probably in my head. argh!!!! plz smack me i might need it.
on the other hand:
colin and i are doing well ^-^ he's been so sick ;-; poor guy.
i wanna stuff him in a bed and feed him chicken soup but that's a little more than immasculating. if we are having problems i sure as hell can't sense any :D
yay! luvluvluv.
i also seem to have lost a little weight. not much, but enough for me to atleast feel good about myself. somewhat? well, nobody's perfect <3
also, i can't really sleep lately. not untill i've been up for 18 or more hours ATLEAST. it kinda sucks? i need another alarm clock. back when i had 3 i'd always get up. but now once i sleep it's for 8-12 hours or more if i have the time.
bah why can't there be 11 grades? i'd be done and i could moveout!
oh, i find it funny that now that i've quit my job like dad asked me too (INSISTED I SHOULD SAY.) is when he's pulling the whole, you gonna move out girl thang.
coincidence?
no.
i think not.
blaaa this is your eivi very confused with life at the moment.
and this is your eivi saying good morning *puffpuff* this shit sucks.....
i need my colin
.................................................A ND MY LARSYPOO