(no subject)
what an interesting weekend.
On thursday, Alex and I stayed in and watched my favorite movie, What Dreams May Come. The whole movie is kind of about not giving up.. whether it be not giving up on love or on life or on yourself. It was fantastic. At the end of the movie, Alex and I went for a walk around my neighborhood, and had a smoke. We're walking, and talking, and then he comes out with "You know, I was thinking... and I think that I shouldn't have given up". I knew what he was talking about. He was talking about his ex-girlfriend, Silvia.
He kept saying that he gave up on it, and that he shouldn't have. That he should have kept fighting and not given up like he did. The whole time I'm thinking "what the fuck?".. but saying "oh yea". Then after a while he realized that he totally stuck his foot in his mouth, and he kept trying to back track and cover up what he said.. it was too late. We were talking about it, and he's like "no, don't worry.. that relationship is burried. She's been burried for a long time.".. and I'm thinking.. "She might be burried but she's not dead". Then the night ended and I'm thiking that maybe he really doesn't feel for me what he says he feels, that maybe I just remmind him of a great love that he had and for that reason he thinks he loves me, that maybe the movie made him realize this.. and that he's still not over this girl. I thought about how when we had that fight about spain and I told him I had already planned this trip before him and I, and how he came back at me by telling me that he had planned to marry silvia before he met me, but he's not going to do that now is he??... FUCK!! Who says that.. why would you say that if you really don't care about that person anymore. It's kinda like "well, I'm giving this up for you".. and that wouldn't be such a big deal to give up if you didn't still feel for that person. Whatever.. I was going to write about this that night, but I thought if I did I would say something I didn't mean, and then I would lose the upper hand. After he left my house.. he read my journal and the whole Leo thing.. and he thought that it was the same exact situation.. but it's not cause I'm not looking for anything more than a polite and casual aquaintance with Leo.. that I don't feel like "oh I shouldn't have given up".. you know.. I never think "what if".. or any of that.. that relationship is really dead to me, and I think that I gave that off in the entry. I mean maybe he had a bias when reading it and maybe he got something different from it.. but not everyone would get what he got. But there's no way that everyone would not think the same thing I thought when he said what he said. He says that what I feel for Leo is the same thing he feels for silvia. Whatever.. I guess I believe it, even though deep down inside I think there might be some unfinished business there, and he knows it. Thats why when he goes to canada for his family reunion (and silvia will be there) I'm going to be right there by his side. So that even if there is something there, I'll be able to help him through it.. out of sight, out of mind. She's been out of sight, so he's been able to get over her, but the second she comes back into his life, who knows.. that's why I won't be out of sight.. "remember me, your beautiful and loving girlfriend?"
Whatever.. that was thursday.
On Friday we had a pretty chill night.. We bought some beers and just jammed in his room to some of my old cds. It was a trip. After a while.. we started messing around.. and then we were just laying there and then my alarm went off and it was 645am. I didn't even realize it, but I just sort of shut off.. I was so drunk. It was great. I hadn't gotten drunk like that for no reason in a long time. I missed it. I felt like alex and I had bonded on a different level.. it sounds dumb, but I really enjoyed it.
On saturday i had a great time. I was pretty tired from waking up so early and from my druken fiasco the night before. I didn't really do much except work on my daddy's day gift. It was really nice.. he liked it. Then at around 6 or 7 I went with janelys to have dinner with her family.. and since I was feeling so bummy, she gave me an ephedra thing.. I was hyped the whole night. We went to la covacha, and the night didn't end until I hit my bed at 5 in the morning. I could've gone for longer, but alex was tired. It was great though.. I love that place.
I don't really have much to say..
On thursday, Alex and I stayed in and watched my favorite movie, What Dreams May Come. The whole movie is kind of about not giving up.. whether it be not giving up on love or on life or on yourself. It was fantastic. At the end of the movie, Alex and I went for a walk around my neighborhood, and had a smoke. We're walking, and talking, and then he comes out with "You know, I was thinking... and I think that I shouldn't have given up". I knew what he was talking about. He was talking about his ex-girlfriend, Silvia.
He kept saying that he gave up on it, and that he shouldn't have. That he should have kept fighting and not given up like he did. The whole time I'm thinking "what the fuck?".. but saying "oh yea". Then after a while he realized that he totally stuck his foot in his mouth, and he kept trying to back track and cover up what he said.. it was too late. We were talking about it, and he's like "no, don't worry.. that relationship is burried. She's been burried for a long time.".. and I'm thinking.. "She might be burried but she's not dead". Then the night ended and I'm thiking that maybe he really doesn't feel for me what he says he feels, that maybe I just remmind him of a great love that he had and for that reason he thinks he loves me, that maybe the movie made him realize this.. and that he's still not over this girl. I thought about how when we had that fight about spain and I told him I had already planned this trip before him and I, and how he came back at me by telling me that he had planned to marry silvia before he met me, but he's not going to do that now is he??... FUCK!! Who says that.. why would you say that if you really don't care about that person anymore. It's kinda like "well, I'm giving this up for you".. and that wouldn't be such a big deal to give up if you didn't still feel for that person. Whatever.. I was going to write about this that night, but I thought if I did I would say something I didn't mean, and then I would lose the upper hand. After he left my house.. he read my journal and the whole Leo thing.. and he thought that it was the same exact situation.. but it's not cause I'm not looking for anything more than a polite and casual aquaintance with Leo.. that I don't feel like "oh I shouldn't have given up".. you know.. I never think "what if".. or any of that.. that relationship is really dead to me, and I think that I gave that off in the entry. I mean maybe he had a bias when reading it and maybe he got something different from it.. but not everyone would get what he got. But there's no way that everyone would not think the same thing I thought when he said what he said. He says that what I feel for Leo is the same thing he feels for silvia. Whatever.. I guess I believe it, even though deep down inside I think there might be some unfinished business there, and he knows it. Thats why when he goes to canada for his family reunion (and silvia will be there) I'm going to be right there by his side. So that even if there is something there, I'll be able to help him through it.. out of sight, out of mind. She's been out of sight, so he's been able to get over her, but the second she comes back into his life, who knows.. that's why I won't be out of sight.. "remember me, your beautiful and loving girlfriend?"
Whatever.. that was thursday.
On Friday we had a pretty chill night.. We bought some beers and just jammed in his room to some of my old cds. It was a trip. After a while.. we started messing around.. and then we were just laying there and then my alarm went off and it was 645am. I didn't even realize it, but I just sort of shut off.. I was so drunk. It was great. I hadn't gotten drunk like that for no reason in a long time. I missed it. I felt like alex and I had bonded on a different level.. it sounds dumb, but I really enjoyed it.
On saturday i had a great time. I was pretty tired from waking up so early and from my druken fiasco the night before. I didn't really do much except work on my daddy's day gift. It was really nice.. he liked it. Then at around 6 or 7 I went with janelys to have dinner with her family.. and since I was feeling so bummy, she gave me an ephedra thing.. I was hyped the whole night. We went to la covacha, and the night didn't end until I hit my bed at 5 in the morning. I could've gone for longer, but alex was tired. It was great though.. I love that place.
I don't really have much to say..