(no subject)
I never considered the things that people bring their beloved in the hospital. The worry on people's faces. Sometimes, to the health care workers they can be kind of a nuisance. But they don't see behind the curtain, not like a doctor does. Fear of the unknown is paralysing to some. I forget that for most people medicine is a complete unknown. It's hard to say that sometimes, but I honestly am that dense. But I realize that and remind myself that I am that way and somehow it snaps me out of it. I can read that fear and help try and demystify the process of healing. Contrary to popular belief, my job is not nearly about the disasters as the routine. Most of my job is watching over patients in fairly scrutinizing ways. Constantly check results of vital signs, scans, and communicating with other hospital staff about treatment plans, conveying messages to upper level residents. I'm just a cog in a vast network. I no more see myself above a nurse than a rivet placer sees himself above a spot welder. My job is to direct treatment plans and enable nurses to enable them to provide the ultimate care of the patient. And if that means I'm not a snotty cock-face to my co-workers, it means that. Most of my nurse friends appreciate the way I do my buisness. I never talk down to them. I always ask them about their lives. I talk about my life. My wife. My dog. This fragile network of relationships is one of the few things I do truly look forward to about my job. I would say the job of being a doctor is trading a few huge pluses for a lot of tiny debits. My god the toll alone the daily rigors of the profession demand are staggering sometimes. I wonder what the fuck I've gotten myself into sometimes. But I guess that's appropriate along my training scale. I'm still brand new. I can't be concerned about the in's and out's of running a successful radiology practice.
I can't believe my insane life sometimes. It's difficult just to remind myself that this is not normal. The emotions, the challenges....I'm actually kind of proud of myself. I always feared how I'd be able to cope with a stress level this high for this long. And compared to my previous expectations, I'm thriving on some level here. I don't know, I'm doing some good existential work here. I feel like I'm maturing quite a bit. This job sobers one up pretty quick. I feel like I'm fleshing out and nuancing my personality into something I like and other people like. I'm way more even-keel. Less wordy. Less likely to fly off the handle into weirdness. More appropriate. More confident. I'm liking this new me. That's something I couldn't say before at all.
I can't believe my insane life sometimes. It's difficult just to remind myself that this is not normal. The emotions, the challenges....I'm actually kind of proud of myself. I always feared how I'd be able to cope with a stress level this high for this long. And compared to my previous expectations, I'm thriving on some level here. I don't know, I'm doing some good existential work here. I feel like I'm maturing quite a bit. This job sobers one up pretty quick. I feel like I'm fleshing out and nuancing my personality into something I like and other people like. I'm way more even-keel. Less wordy. Less likely to fly off the handle into weirdness. More appropriate. More confident. I'm liking this new me. That's something I couldn't say before at all.