it was really horrible - I had put horses down before (my own included) but Ally was my heart horse, the first once I bonded to THAT tightly with -- and we'd already HAD years of medical issues and caring so so much about him and for his health. It was a while ago but there's still that sense of loss and .. ok ok reading the old entries STILL makes me cry. but depending how many you went through, there's a few entries in the year after as I slowly processed grief too.
but I've basically never had anything hit me that hard either.
I was lucky to not lose any foals (I breed/birthed out 3, including Denali) -- I'm not sure if that's easier or harder, for they're so innocent and so many hopes put on them but yet not a being we really know yet either.
Did you see Ally's EKG photos? egads. I'm glad she's not going through that -- depending how much you poked into, he got into fairly major issues by the end. But we really felt it was an infection that COULD be managed in due course, we just never got that time. Like Z, what had been an underlying undetectable thing (although for his part likely congenial, he had a low grade heart murmur, so who knows when things took a turn until he got the shipping fever) was manageable until it DID hit him that hard -- and it was too late.
*hugs* I've been there, poke me any time you need to talk or process through choices. I've kinda become good at it :S
It's interesting because I had hoped perhaps it was renal acidosis. I had remembered an article in Equus a couple years ago about it and remembered regular blood tests not showing anything, but not much else. I actually called them Friday and asked if they could run the test to check her blood ph, just in case (didn't hear on that result). I was disappointed when I finally found and reread the case report and it didn't match what was going on.
The aborted foals were sad for sure, but it was more sadness for the mare than myself, especially with Chewy as she called for it (she had six or so foals prior for others without issue).
I did, they were pretty crazy and at this point I have read all of the tags on Ally's death. I am sorry you had to go through so much with him and spent so long hoping. I don't like the answer I got, but it was a quick one. I am waiting for them to e-mail me all of Z's paperwork. You only remember so much when they are talking in your ear.
ayup, I remember that Equus article! More so because it was EXACTLY the same for Ally, and I had spent 5-6 years searching the internet and vet archives (which I had access too at UC Davis as a student) for ANYONE out there who had an equine renal tubular acidosis case. The most I found were the papers that had Ally in them :P it was hard already having the rare-as-shit horse, but I accommodated and adjusted my life (and finances...) around it. Enough that I don't even consider it abnormal until I think back and go 'okay yeah that was weird and rough and the relapses were a pain in the ass'.
There's basically 1-2 horses a YEAR in the United States who are diagnosed with that disease, but the biggest indicator of it is that nothing is indicated! no fever, normal bloodwork, just .. not eating. lethargy. doing a blood gas draw is hard because there's a set time for them to test it, but that's how they measure the CO2 levels. I'd draw the blood, shove the needle into the rubber stopper to prevent any air getting in and changing the results, then literally run it across the street for testing (in California, Ally was at the university barn, so LITERALLY across the street from UC Davis. Basically, I'd have been f*cked if we'd been anywhere else). I've no idea how anyone else would handle it.
huh. we really WERE lucky having UC Davis right there.
I think that's part of my residual grief/anger that Ally likely did have a lingering low level heart condition before we left California and moved to Utah, but they didn't catch it. It was a murmur, sure, but very low level. But it's hard to not wonder now if there was MORE, since the shipping fever he got on the haul from CA->UT was what set into his body (plurotis(sp?) pneumonia) around his heart and then stressed the heck out of it until he couldn't cope any more.
*exhale* who knows. Sorry, I can meander on and on over vet stuff given the rather outrageous history I've had (do we need to talk about Denali's nail through her coffin bone? no, no we do not. but damned I was lucky again...)
I'm sorry you read the entries on Ally, but also glad you did if they helped. There's a lot of them and they're not really in an organized order, since they were tagged (obviously I merged/changed the tags once he was dead...) as things were happening and then in a mis-mash fashion of reminiscing and LOTS of grief processing on my part after the fact. As you probably saw.
btw, you see his f'd up EKG photo in there?
And yes, it's hard to remember things AS they are saying them! I tried to document as much as I could as things were happening, more so when we had NO idea what was wrong, but still ... I suspect I could read copies of his old vet charts and see things I have no memory of.
It seems sometimes when crap is happening we are exactly where we are supposed to be, like across the street from one of the big veterinary colleges!
Yeah, I wonder if our little wreck two days before didn't exasperate her underlying issue, but then again when I pulled her out that evening her breathing and everything appeared just fine. The vet suggested the weather. Our heat index was over 150 pretty much All The Time, sometimes close to 170. Not an environment condusive to recovering from anything.
I just looked back at my calendar notes and am amazed at how quickly it all happened. It didn't feel quick at the time, but it was.
They did help and I think there are going to be a lot of processing entries over Zetahra still to come.
Yes I did, pretty nuts! I was hoping to see a copy of Z's in her paperwork, but it wasn't there. I still need to pin down my regular vet and go over it with him.
but I've basically never had anything hit me that hard either.
I was lucky to not lose any foals (I breed/birthed out 3, including Denali) -- I'm not sure if that's easier or harder, for they're so innocent and so many hopes put on them but yet not a being we really know yet either.
Did you see Ally's EKG photos? egads. I'm glad she's not going through that -- depending how much you poked into, he got into fairly major issues by the end. But we really felt it was an infection that COULD be managed in due course, we just never got that time. Like Z, what had been an underlying undetectable thing (although for his part likely congenial, he had a low grade heart murmur, so who knows when things took a turn until he got the shipping fever) was manageable until it DID hit him that hard -- and it was too late.
*hugs* I've been there, poke me any time you need to talk or process through choices. I've kinda become good at it :S
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The aborted foals were sad for sure, but it was more sadness for the mare than myself, especially with Chewy as she called for it (she had six or so foals prior for others without issue).
I did, they were pretty crazy and at this point I have read all of the tags on Ally's death. I am sorry you had to go through so much with him and spent so long hoping. I don't like the answer I got, but it was a quick one. I am waiting for them to e-mail me all of Z's paperwork. You only remember so much when they are talking in your ear.
And thank you, I may hit you up on that one.
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There's basically 1-2 horses a YEAR in the United States who are diagnosed with that disease, but the biggest indicator of it is that nothing is indicated! no fever, normal bloodwork, just .. not eating. lethargy. doing a blood gas draw is hard because there's a set time for them to test it, but that's how they measure the CO2 levels. I'd draw the blood, shove the needle into the rubber stopper to prevent any air getting in and changing the results, then literally run it across the street for testing (in California, Ally was at the university barn, so LITERALLY across the street from UC Davis. Basically, I'd have been f*cked if we'd been anywhere else). I've no idea how anyone else would handle it.
huh. we really WERE lucky having UC Davis right there.
I think that's part of my residual grief/anger that Ally likely did have a lingering low level heart condition before we left California and moved to Utah, but they didn't catch it. It was a murmur, sure, but very low level. But it's hard to not wonder now if there was MORE, since the shipping fever he got on the haul from CA->UT was what set into his body (plurotis(sp?) pneumonia) around his heart and then stressed the heck out of it until he couldn't cope any more.
*exhale* who knows. Sorry, I can meander on and on over vet stuff given the rather outrageous history I've had (do we need to talk about Denali's nail through her coffin bone? no, no we do not. but damned I was lucky again...)
I'm sorry you read the entries on Ally, but also glad you did if they helped. There's a lot of them and they're not really in an organized order, since they were tagged (obviously I merged/changed the tags once he was dead...) as things were happening and then in a mis-mash fashion of reminiscing and LOTS of grief processing on my part after the fact. As you probably saw.
btw, you see his f'd up EKG photo in there?
And yes, it's hard to remember things AS they are saying them! I tried to document as much as I could as things were happening, more so when we had NO idea what was wrong, but still ... I suspect I could read copies of his old vet charts and see things I have no memory of.
Reply
Yeah, I wonder if our little wreck two days before didn't exasperate her underlying issue, but then again when I pulled her out that evening her breathing and everything appeared just fine. The vet suggested the weather. Our heat index was over 150 pretty much All The Time, sometimes close to 170. Not an environment condusive to recovering from anything.
I just looked back at my calendar notes and am amazed at how quickly it all happened. It didn't feel quick at the time, but it was.
They did help and I think there are going to be a lot of processing entries over Zetahra still to come.
Yes I did, pretty nuts! I was hoping to see a copy of Z's in her paperwork, but it wasn't there. I still need to pin down my regular vet and go over it with him.
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