Lost Dreams
We don't have all the answers. Who knows when it started. There is nothing we could have done because she gave no sign.
The cardiologist couldn't see everything he needed from their ultrasound videos and images nor from the x-ray so he came out and did a thorough exam. I am glad I didn't go for the appointment as it was going to be 11:30, then 1:30, and when I called at a twenty 'til three they were still in examining her. The cardiologist was far from punctual. They called me back shortly thereafter and I talked with Dr. A, the one that Chatham had recommended and we worked with yesterday.
It isn't good news. She is experiencing failure on the left side of her heart and the right side is going as well. They couldn't find any active infection, but with the hypertrophy on the left side it was something started months ago, not just two and a half weeks, or even three. The best guess at this point is she had some infection that reached her heart, be it parasites, fungal, bacterial, or viral and she fought it off, but not before it damaged her heart.
Other than when this started I can't recall her being sick a day. Not a single day. What a tough girl. Almost too tough in this case.
She didn't have any defects in the heart so it wasn't congenital or genetic. That said, after talking with Chris I don't think we're in a place to breed for another foal right now. One, Hope sold Hedzer a year ago and he's somewhere in California I think. Two, going through the "what-if's" until it is on the ground and setting up again for a foal and everything ... it just isn't the time right now. I am sure it would be a nice foal, but I am in no way ready even thinking of doing it all over again over the next five years (wouldn't breed until next Spring).
Dr. A gave some options. We could bring her home and have Chatham do it. We could do it there. We could try Lasix and see if that helped, but it would be a temporary solution. It might give us some months, but it would be as a pasture pet with 2-3x daily doses of Lasix. That, I think, woukd be a terribly selfish choice. I did go ahead a dose of it today to see if it did at least help bring her heart rate down and make her more comfortable. She isn't really uncomfortable, though. Apparently she was super good during the exam and the intern that was there yesterday has been smitten and was taking the news pretty rough too. Dr A said some of the workers had braided her hair and have just been loving on her. I am sure she is eating up the attention.
I was doing okay until the call. I've been crying off and on since. Unhooking the trailer was hard. Feeding the herd tonight was hard. Putting out the food for the morning was hard. Putting Ruby's food in the stall that was initially intended for her, but Z took over was hard. Knowing that Z is the only ome Ruby likes being stalled next to is hard.
There are going to be a lot of hard things in the coming days.
We go out tomorrow to say goodbye.
The cardiologist couldn't see everything he needed from their ultrasound videos and images nor from the x-ray so he came out and did a thorough exam. I am glad I didn't go for the appointment as it was going to be 11:30, then 1:30, and when I called at a twenty 'til three they were still in examining her. The cardiologist was far from punctual. They called me back shortly thereafter and I talked with Dr. A, the one that Chatham had recommended and we worked with yesterday.
It isn't good news. She is experiencing failure on the left side of her heart and the right side is going as well. They couldn't find any active infection, but with the hypertrophy on the left side it was something started months ago, not just two and a half weeks, or even three. The best guess at this point is she had some infection that reached her heart, be it parasites, fungal, bacterial, or viral and she fought it off, but not before it damaged her heart.
Other than when this started I can't recall her being sick a day. Not a single day. What a tough girl. Almost too tough in this case.
She didn't have any defects in the heart so it wasn't congenital or genetic. That said, after talking with Chris I don't think we're in a place to breed for another foal right now. One, Hope sold Hedzer a year ago and he's somewhere in California I think. Two, going through the "what-if's" until it is on the ground and setting up again for a foal and everything ... it just isn't the time right now. I am sure it would be a nice foal, but I am in no way ready even thinking of doing it all over again over the next five years (wouldn't breed until next Spring).
Dr. A gave some options. We could bring her home and have Chatham do it. We could do it there. We could try Lasix and see if that helped, but it would be a temporary solution. It might give us some months, but it would be as a pasture pet with 2-3x daily doses of Lasix. That, I think, woukd be a terribly selfish choice. I did go ahead a dose of it today to see if it did at least help bring her heart rate down and make her more comfortable. She isn't really uncomfortable, though. Apparently she was super good during the exam and the intern that was there yesterday has been smitten and was taking the news pretty rough too. Dr A said some of the workers had braided her hair and have just been loving on her. I am sure she is eating up the attention.
I was doing okay until the call. I've been crying off and on since. Unhooking the trailer was hard. Feeding the herd tonight was hard. Putting out the food for the morning was hard. Putting Ruby's food in the stall that was initially intended for her, but Z took over was hard. Knowing that Z is the only ome Ruby likes being stalled next to is hard.
There are going to be a lot of hard things in the coming days.
We go out tomorrow to say goodbye.