2005. So it is.
Another New Year. This one was lovely. Went to the Wildflower to see the Ooftah Boys. Then over to Mike and Alix's to watch the ball drop. Good people. Each New Year's Eve we put so much pressure on ourselves. We say things like "next New Years Eve I'm going to have a blast and have this amazing group of friends and true love to kiss at midnight." Yet each year I find myself on the outside of a really good time looking in. Observing. For such a freedom loving hippie I come across to be, I'm pretty morbid under the surface.
When most people who know me imagine what I would be doing on New Years Eve they would say a wild party with interesting people and of course Jandee would be all smiles and stoned and hugging and kissing everyone and telling crazy stories. but in reality i was at a party with some really great people i've known for a long time and some i just met. quiet as a mouse just watching everyone else have a blast. just below the surface a faint longing for something more out of life. I can't help it. its not my choice. i love my friends. and nick is a great person who i am glad to have in my life this isnt about him or my friends its about what i'm doing with my life. i feel like i should be doing something more with my life like making the world a better place or something.
maybe this year. first i'll quit smoking. baby steps... tomorrow i'll conquer the world.
When most people who know me imagine what I would be doing on New Years Eve they would say a wild party with interesting people and of course Jandee would be all smiles and stoned and hugging and kissing everyone and telling crazy stories. but in reality i was at a party with some really great people i've known for a long time and some i just met. quiet as a mouse just watching everyone else have a blast. just below the surface a faint longing for something more out of life. I can't help it. its not my choice. i love my friends. and nick is a great person who i am glad to have in my life this isnt about him or my friends its about what i'm doing with my life. i feel like i should be doing something more with my life like making the world a better place or something.
maybe this year. first i'll quit smoking. baby steps... tomorrow i'll conquer the world.