thanks 4 the comments. xoxoxoxo. (:
ok so i didnt update about the little incident we had, well afterwards i actually rambled about the incident to a friend who doesnt even know my bf. It surprised me that she actually said "lang you are so immature! geez it's your fault" then i started to think about it and put myself in his shoes and tried to think less selfish.. and then i realised yeah maybe i am wrong.. so i sent him an sms saying "im sorry for overthinking, sorry. are you angry at me?" he replied "i cant ever be angry at you. just try to be a little less insecure lang, please dont say sorry." then everything was fine. im so glad he's so understanding. thats why i love him so damn much. >.< then err.. later that night, went drinking with his friends.. then crashed at his place. on the couch he says to me "EVERYONE gets insecure. everyone does so dont worry... " ... i looked at him lost.. then he says "but remember .. im Josh." ... i looked at him lost again then he says "id NEVER EVER cheat on you. id never look at another girl. i wouldnt sleep with another girl unless u told me to of
course!" then i go "OK SO IF I SAID UR ALLOWED TO SLEEP WITH OTHER GIRLS U WOULD???" then he's like... "no!!! i wouldnt .. im saying if u insisted me to becos u wanted to see me with another girl" (he thinks im bi curious.. not anymore im not!) but then he goes "if u actually insisted me to sleep with another girl.. id dump you becos ur a crazy mother fucker" lololol. hahaha idiot. i love hims.. he's trying to quit smoking for me, he took some thai medication to quit smoking, costs like $50 a jar and there's 11 jars of it.. hrmmm yes then uhms .. hes really sick atm.. because of the effects of the medication/tea.. i went to see him yesterday.. he huddled up.. he was so tiny and so darn cute.. i told him to go to sleep like 100x and he wouldnt but then i said im going to leave.. kissed him on the cheeks and left.. i hope he gets through this and actually manages to quit smoking. everytime i see him, i want to hug him.. but i feel like... there's still a distance between us.. like.. it's weird.. im not entirely comfortable around him yet.. >.< i want to be able to be the one to make the first move n hug him everytime i see him and everytime i leave him.. >.< i wish i had the courage to do so!! .. im going to start dieting again .. but healthily this time, im going to hit the gym.. and hopefully.. sometime soon, ill get down to 44kg or lower. rofl..... hrm... back to where i was before!!!
ok thing is, im a jealous type of girl. i dont appear to be but it bloody pisses me off when i know of my bf's past. yet i still dig it out of him!! thats my bloody problem.. becos at the same time, it hurts me to know, it hurts me that he doesnt tell me, and it hurts me when he tells me too.. either way, im fckd.. and whats worse is.. i get jealous becos i tend to think .. he loved her before me rah rah rah even if it doesnt make much sense for me to be thinking that when it was in his past..??? oh im so fckd. dear god help me.
ok so on thursday i shall be coloring my hair n getting a haircut (hopefully) .. light ash brown is the color i want.. erm .. yes. lots and lots of bleaching. hecticccc.
i miss him !!!!!!!!!! i think abt him constantly. it's so bloody distracting. i was coloring a guy's hair today and was thinking of my bf so damn much that i wasnt holding onto the comb properly.. it got tangled up in the guy's hair and just stuck right on top of his head.. and .. i just looked lost.. and he/the customer started cracking up. LOLOL.
ok another thing is.. I MUST LEARN TO BE FRIENDLY. SMILE AND SMILE AND SMILE AT CUSTOMERSSSSS .. its so damn hard. fck.. HOW DO U SMILE AT PEOPLE??? customer service + make more damn sales.. !!!
course!" then i go "OK SO IF I SAID UR ALLOWED TO SLEEP WITH OTHER GIRLS U WOULD???" then he's like... "no!!! i wouldnt .. im saying if u insisted me to becos u wanted to see me with another girl" (he thinks im bi curious.. not anymore im not!) but then he goes "if u actually insisted me to sleep with another girl.. id dump you becos ur a crazy mother fucker" lololol. hahaha idiot. i love hims.. he's trying to quit smoking for me, he took some thai medication to quit smoking, costs like $50 a jar and there's 11 jars of it.. hrmmm yes then uhms .. hes really sick atm.. because of the effects of the medication/tea.. i went to see him yesterday.. he huddled up.. he was so tiny and so darn cute.. i told him to go to sleep like 100x and he wouldnt but then i said im going to leave.. kissed him on the cheeks and left.. i hope he gets through this and actually manages to quit smoking. everytime i see him, i want to hug him.. but i feel like... there's still a distance between us.. like.. it's weird.. im not entirely comfortable around him yet.. >.< i want to be able to be the one to make the first move n hug him everytime i see him and everytime i leave him.. >.< i wish i had the courage to do so!! .. im going to start dieting again .. but healthily this time, im going to hit the gym.. and hopefully.. sometime soon, ill get down to 44kg or lower. rofl..... hrm... back to where i was before!!!
ok thing is, im a jealous type of girl. i dont appear to be but it bloody pisses me off when i know of my bf's past. yet i still dig it out of him!! thats my bloody problem.. becos at the same time, it hurts me to know, it hurts me that he doesnt tell me, and it hurts me when he tells me too.. either way, im fckd.. and whats worse is.. i get jealous becos i tend to think .. he loved her before me rah rah rah even if it doesnt make much sense for me to be thinking that when it was in his past..??? oh im so fckd. dear god help me.
ok so on thursday i shall be coloring my hair n getting a haircut (hopefully) .. light ash brown is the color i want.. erm .. yes. lots and lots of bleaching. hecticccc.
i miss him !!!!!!!!!! i think abt him constantly. it's so bloody distracting. i was coloring a guy's hair today and was thinking of my bf so damn much that i wasnt holding onto the comb properly.. it got tangled up in the guy's hair and just stuck right on top of his head.. and .. i just looked lost.. and he/the customer started cracking up. LOLOL.
ok another thing is.. I MUST LEARN TO BE FRIENDLY. SMILE AND SMILE AND SMILE AT CUSTOMERSSSSS .. its so damn hard. fck.. HOW DO U SMILE AT PEOPLE??? customer service + make more damn sales.. !!!