Stuff?! In my house?!
I realized something yesterday.
I need to go do ... stuff ... just whenever I want to do it.
Here's the thing:
I don't have a period of fucking up. I've been dedicated, loyal, and responsible to whatever and whomever I'm attached to since I was 17. Sure, there are messy break-ups and arguments in there. But they all had a purpose. There are no self-centered, unjustified, rash decisions in there.
I have no "first marriage."
I have no "that year of school I dropped out of."
I have a job I quit mid-shift and no one blames me for doing so. I've been fired once in my whole life, and that was a temp. job. I took a little too long finishing my undergraduate.
I've been expending energy attempting to regain ways of being, actions I qualify as "relaxing," "fulfilling," "important," that I either gave up or are just gone.
So, I need to try new stuff. Find a hobby. Change my hair. Paint funny things on my nails. Go out. Stay in. Say yes. Say no. Try things.
To add to the list: Coffee. Uncigarettes. Snacks. Change my hair. Turning the wheel. Naps. Actually wearing my glasses when I read. Paint funny things on my nails. Maybe learning that trick of napping with glasses on. Love. Go out. Stay in. Hugs. Bed. Say yes. Say no. Couch. Cookies. Try things.
I need to go do ... stuff ... just whenever I want to do it.
Here's the thing:
I don't have a period of fucking up. I've been dedicated, loyal, and responsible to whatever and whomever I'm attached to since I was 17. Sure, there are messy break-ups and arguments in there. But they all had a purpose. There are no self-centered, unjustified, rash decisions in there.
I have no "first marriage."
I have no "that year of school I dropped out of."
I have a job I quit mid-shift and no one blames me for doing so. I've been fired once in my whole life, and that was a temp. job. I took a little too long finishing my undergraduate.
I've been expending energy attempting to regain ways of being, actions I qualify as "relaxing," "fulfilling," "important," that I either gave up or are just gone.
So, I need to try new stuff. Find a hobby. Change my hair. Paint funny things on my nails. Go out. Stay in. Say yes. Say no. Try things.
To add to the list: Coffee. Uncigarettes. Snacks. Change my hair. Turning the wheel. Naps. Actually wearing my glasses when I read. Paint funny things on my nails. Maybe learning that trick of napping with glasses on. Love. Go out. Stay in. Hugs. Bed. Say yes. Say no. Couch. Cookies. Try things.