Steady... Are you ready?
I have done good f all today. It's great. I woke up at like 11 something, ate, jogged, sat outside and caught some rays, drove around, cleaned my car, and got my hair cut. A-mazing day all in all. I missed my car at school. I love driving around, even though I usually have to go out of town to really be able to drive, because it's so meditative. I used to go on these incredibly long meandering walks in Providence. I soon discovered one of my friends did the same thing and we would sometimes walk for an hour without saying anything. It's really the first time I felt comfortable. Is that weird? That even after a year I'm not sure how I feel about college. Except for Gordon I don't think there's anyone else who isn't incredibly in love with the school. Are we just weird? I think most people like it but a lot more don't love it but say they do to fit in. Those people who lie to themselves as reassurance. I don't know why, but I've never been able to do that. I have a super human ability to cut through bullshit, even my own.
Now to talk about myself some more. Most people think I'm stupid. I don't know why, well I kind of do. I almost always smile. It's just default. It's disarming in a lot of situations, but somehow that makes me look like a grinning idiot. With people I don't know or am uncomfortable around, which is most people, I cut most things down to one word answers. I keep things short and I guess that helps set me up as a grinning fool who can't form complex sentences. My high school guidance counselor told me that maybe I was reaching too far with Brown because I must have been an idiot until I got my board scores back. Then he freaked out about why I didn't do so many school clubs and things and it was kind of a bad day for Lane.
I actually wrote my admissions essay about how I wasn't sure what to write about. I wrote about thinking about writing about being thrown out of my own house would be too easy but too revealing. And living an 'alternative' lifestyle would just raise more questions. Telling them why I was uncomfortable in school and clubs and sports was longer than 500 words. I think I mostly talked about how I'm more comfortable being alone than with people. It was slightly awkward but intuitive and I was proud of it. I guess it worked. But what if I was wrong in making my decision? The essay was right but the application wrong?
I'm going to go climb into bed and spend some quality cuddling time with my bf.
see you kids later#
Now to talk about myself some more. Most people think I'm stupid. I don't know why, well I kind of do. I almost always smile. It's just default. It's disarming in a lot of situations, but somehow that makes me look like a grinning idiot. With people I don't know or am uncomfortable around, which is most people, I cut most things down to one word answers. I keep things short and I guess that helps set me up as a grinning fool who can't form complex sentences. My high school guidance counselor told me that maybe I was reaching too far with Brown because I must have been an idiot until I got my board scores back. Then he freaked out about why I didn't do so many school clubs and things and it was kind of a bad day for Lane.
I actually wrote my admissions essay about how I wasn't sure what to write about. I wrote about thinking about writing about being thrown out of my own house would be too easy but too revealing. And living an 'alternative' lifestyle would just raise more questions. Telling them why I was uncomfortable in school and clubs and sports was longer than 500 words. I think I mostly talked about how I'm more comfortable being alone than with people. It was slightly awkward but intuitive and I was proud of it. I guess it worked. But what if I was wrong in making my decision? The essay was right but the application wrong?
I'm going to go climb into bed and spend some quality cuddling time with my bf.
see you kids later#