Intensity
When ever I used to lament a disconnect with people, my mother always said, "Brett, you're too intense," as if I would drive people away by asking too many questions or thinking too hard. In a way she may be right.
I consider Plato's Republic light reading; that's not normal. I memorize speeches for fun; that is definitely not normal. In preschool I would hydrolyze water and read Socrates. I tried learning Latin and Hebrew in fifth grade. When I used to see my old therapist in high school she said I was the most intense "feeliest" person she had. I still have a Furby.
I don't know what to think. I just know that it gets annoying walking in a world where everything supposedly fits into molds. Humans aren't jello. You can't expect that a child will conform to an ideal shape, an ideal average or concept, yet adults force kids into rigid systems of education and conception.
Can't a person see how the world turns without being prodded and stuffed like a circus animal into unnatural shapes?
As an adult I see people rushing through life with tunnel vision, forced to walk and talk like a reputable American, cramming their lives with things they hate so that they can pad a resume, tied down by twine onto a hamster wheel. As Lily Tomlin said, "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat."
I don't think I'm the only one who is "too intense" or "too feely," but I constantly feel a disconnect anyway. I'm tired of putting on masks or fitting into molds. I'm tired of samsara. I'm tired of feeling like the odd man out, the 13th wheel, that guy, the ugly duckling, the quiet one. I'm tired of prepackaged conceptions and over-cooked expectations.
Fuck boxes. I'm hand delivered.
Pardon the rant.
I consider Plato's Republic light reading; that's not normal. I memorize speeches for fun; that is definitely not normal. In preschool I would hydrolyze water and read Socrates. I tried learning Latin and Hebrew in fifth grade. When I used to see my old therapist in high school she said I was the most intense "feeliest" person she had. I still have a Furby.
I don't know what to think. I just know that it gets annoying walking in a world where everything supposedly fits into molds. Humans aren't jello. You can't expect that a child will conform to an ideal shape, an ideal average or concept, yet adults force kids into rigid systems of education and conception.
Can't a person see how the world turns without being prodded and stuffed like a circus animal into unnatural shapes?
As an adult I see people rushing through life with tunnel vision, forced to walk and talk like a reputable American, cramming their lives with things they hate so that they can pad a resume, tied down by twine onto a hamster wheel. As Lily Tomlin said, "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat."
I don't think I'm the only one who is "too intense" or "too feely," but I constantly feel a disconnect anyway. I'm tired of putting on masks or fitting into molds. I'm tired of samsara. I'm tired of feeling like the odd man out, the 13th wheel, that guy, the ugly duckling, the quiet one. I'm tired of prepackaged conceptions and over-cooked expectations.
Fuck boxes. I'm hand delivered.
Pardon the rant.