Come & see... I swear by now I'm playing time against my troubles... oh...
Today's thought is:
Responsibility for Family Members
I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me.
--Anonymous
For some of us, the idea that we were responsible for other peoples feelings had its roots in childhood and was established by members of our nuclear family. We may have been told that we made our mother or father miserable, leading directly to the idea that we were also responsible for making them happy. The idea that we are responsible for our parents happiness or misery can instill exaggerated feelings of power and guilt in us.
We do not have this kind of power over our parents - over their feelings, or over the course of their lives. We do not have to allow them to have this kind of power over us.
Our parents did the best they could. But we still do not have to accept one belief from them that is not a healthy belief. They may be our parents, but they are not always right. They may be our parents, but their beliefs and behaviors are not always healthy and in our best interest.
We are free to examine and choose our beliefs.
Let go of guilt. Let go of excessive and inappropriate feelings of responsibility toward parents and other family members. We do not have to allow their destructive beliefs to control our feelings, our behaviors, our life, or us.
Today, I will begin the process of setting myself free from any self-defeating beliefs my parents passed on to me. I will strive for appropriate ideas and boundaries concerning how much power and how much responsibility I can actually have in my relationship with my parents.
*~*~*
So. Out of the blue, my grandmother's cousin (I think?) comes to visit. Aunt Queen. (don't ask how she's an aunt if she's grandma's cuz) YET A-FUCKING-NOTHER family member who has fallen under the inexplicable spell of San Antonio.
Check it. Family drama-line. This is the short version:
1976 - born
1980/81 - Mom moves us to Cali (against family wishes. drama ensues)
1986 - move back to Gary for good (more drama)
1988 - move in with Grandma & Gramps and begin a life of general dramatic fuckery (uncle strung out on heroine, uncle strung out on pot, depressed mother, bitchy overbearing aunt determined to 'set me straight', great grandmother begins downward spiral into Alzheimer's & unpleasantness, lots of family meetings, some family violence, and of course, lots of family drama)
1989 - Granny dies from complications of diabetes & oneriness (mas drama)
1990 - Mom & me RUN from Grandma's house thoroughly fucked, dazed & confused. Heavy therapy/self help follows
1993 - showdown with various family members (much yelling, some crying, nothing is resolved.)
1994 - high school graduation (results in drama & my disassociation from the family)
1995 - I RUN from Gary. (saw family members maybe 3 or 4 times in the last 2 years before i left. Found blessed peace in San Antonio-- read PODUNK, Texas) *Muahahahahahah! I'm safe now...*
1995 - Mom moves to Atlanta, GA (Free at last... free at last... All Praise is Due... we are both free at last...)
1996 - summer in Atlanta. Adventures ensue, including homelessness (family neither calls nor cares) & encounters with rowdy Summer Olympics tourists
1996 - Mom joins me in San Antonio (yay! life is complete now)
1997 - recovering addict uncle finds his way to SA (the beginning of the end)
1997 - family reunion/bogus family trip to Atlanta, GA (Barb & I are summarily ignored, dissed, & dismissed. No worries, we just came to get the rest of the stuff we left. See ya SUCKAS... have a nice life. hope i never see y'all bitch asses again)[false sense of security]
1999 - Grandparents visit SA against my will. Talk of retiring to SA results. (My reaction: 'I'm safe... those people have been in Gary since the 50s.. they ain't going nowhere'...)ah... denial. it's not just a river in Egypt.
2001 - Grandparents move to SA (suicide contemplated - not really)Drama resumes
2002 - Family trip to CA for aunt B-day (miraculously little drama)
2003 - Family trip to NC for aunt B-day (frighteningly little drama)
2003 - Drama ship blows like WHOA
As it stands now, I have not seen or spoken to my grandparents, aunt or uncle since September 2003. Because of the drama, I tried to diassociate myself from them (again), but -- and this is the frustrating part-- nobody is taking me seriously. People are waiting for me to give in, as I have in the past.
But here's the thing. I'm truly done. Do you hear me you psychos?! I have nothing against you people. Call me selfish-- I say it's self preservation. I will not extend another olive branch, I will not give in. You say 'that's the way family is, get used to it.' I say bullshit. If we were not related, I would not stand for this kind of treatment; I refuse to believe I must continue to be disregarded and hurt by you, simply because we share blood. So. You want a reconciliation, guess what. It won't start with me. Call me all the names you want. Brat. Bitch. Selfish. Silly. Overly Dramatic. Loser. Wimp. Cop-out. Life without family may be a hard, lonely & dangerous choice, but I guarantee I'll survive. So.
That's that with that.
Responsibility for Family Members
I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me.
--Anonymous
For some of us, the idea that we were responsible for other peoples feelings had its roots in childhood and was established by members of our nuclear family. We may have been told that we made our mother or father miserable, leading directly to the idea that we were also responsible for making them happy. The idea that we are responsible for our parents happiness or misery can instill exaggerated feelings of power and guilt in us.
We do not have this kind of power over our parents - over their feelings, or over the course of their lives. We do not have to allow them to have this kind of power over us.
Our parents did the best they could. But we still do not have to accept one belief from them that is not a healthy belief. They may be our parents, but they are not always right. They may be our parents, but their beliefs and behaviors are not always healthy and in our best interest.
We are free to examine and choose our beliefs.
Let go of guilt. Let go of excessive and inappropriate feelings of responsibility toward parents and other family members. We do not have to allow their destructive beliefs to control our feelings, our behaviors, our life, or us.
Today, I will begin the process of setting myself free from any self-defeating beliefs my parents passed on to me. I will strive for appropriate ideas and boundaries concerning how much power and how much responsibility I can actually have in my relationship with my parents.
*~*~*
So. Out of the blue, my grandmother's cousin (I think?) comes to visit. Aunt Queen. (don't ask how she's an aunt if she's grandma's cuz) YET A-FUCKING-NOTHER family member who has fallen under the inexplicable spell of San Antonio.
Check it. Family drama-line. This is the short version:
1976 - born
1980/81 - Mom moves us to Cali (against family wishes. drama ensues)
1986 - move back to Gary for good (more drama)
1988 - move in with Grandma & Gramps and begin a life of general dramatic fuckery (uncle strung out on heroine, uncle strung out on pot, depressed mother, bitchy overbearing aunt determined to 'set me straight', great grandmother begins downward spiral into Alzheimer's & unpleasantness, lots of family meetings, some family violence, and of course, lots of family drama)
1989 - Granny dies from complications of diabetes & oneriness (mas drama)
1990 - Mom & me RUN from Grandma's house thoroughly fucked, dazed & confused. Heavy therapy/self help follows
1993 - showdown with various family members (much yelling, some crying, nothing is resolved.)
1994 - high school graduation (results in drama & my disassociation from the family)
1995 - I RUN from Gary. (saw family members maybe 3 or 4 times in the last 2 years before i left. Found blessed peace in San Antonio-- read PODUNK, Texas) *Muahahahahahah! I'm safe now...*
1995 - Mom moves to Atlanta, GA (Free at last... free at last... All Praise is Due... we are both free at last...)
1996 - summer in Atlanta. Adventures ensue, including homelessness (family neither calls nor cares) & encounters with rowdy Summer Olympics tourists
1996 - Mom joins me in San Antonio (yay! life is complete now)
1997 - recovering addict uncle finds his way to SA (the beginning of the end)
1997 - family reunion/bogus family trip to Atlanta, GA (Barb & I are summarily ignored, dissed, & dismissed. No worries, we just came to get the rest of the stuff we left. See ya SUCKAS... have a nice life. hope i never see y'all bitch asses again)[false sense of security]
1999 - Grandparents visit SA against my will. Talk of retiring to SA results. (My reaction: 'I'm safe... those people have been in Gary since the 50s.. they ain't going nowhere'...)ah... denial. it's not just a river in Egypt.
2001 - Grandparents move to SA (suicide contemplated - not really)Drama resumes
2002 - Family trip to CA for aunt B-day (miraculously little drama)
2003 - Family trip to NC for aunt B-day (frighteningly little drama)
2003 - Drama ship blows like WHOA
As it stands now, I have not seen or spoken to my grandparents, aunt or uncle since September 2003. Because of the drama, I tried to diassociate myself from them (again), but -- and this is the frustrating part-- nobody is taking me seriously. People are waiting for me to give in, as I have in the past.
But here's the thing. I'm truly done. Do you hear me you psychos?! I have nothing against you people. Call me selfish-- I say it's self preservation. I will not extend another olive branch, I will not give in. You say 'that's the way family is, get used to it.' I say bullshit. If we were not related, I would not stand for this kind of treatment; I refuse to believe I must continue to be disregarded and hurt by you, simply because we share blood. So. You want a reconciliation, guess what. It won't start with me. Call me all the names you want. Brat. Bitch. Selfish. Silly. Overly Dramatic. Loser. Wimp. Cop-out. Life without family may be a hard, lonely & dangerous choice, but I guarantee I'll survive. So.
That's that with that.