Random thoughts
This week has been one of those strange ones where people are fucking with me and I get upset about it... and then WOW I let it go.
Sunday - I went to Saviour's Day with Gramps, Grandma, Jawab, Aunt Queen and Barb. I hugged and greeted Gramps (cuz we ran into each other at the check in), walked with Jawab afterward to go get the cars. And for Grandma... zippo. I waved at Aunt Queen, who I hear has been dying to see me. She moved down here last month or the month before... she's my Grandma's cousin, and the last time I saw her I was like 8 or something. Explain to me why she would want to see me?
BJ was like: "I pointed you out to her."
Me: "Oh yeah? What'd she say."
BJ: "She said she didn't recognize you."
Me: "Now that's funny. Of course she wouldn't, I was like 8 when I last saw her."
BJ: "Yeah. She said you didn't look anything like she would have thought you would. She said if she passed you on the street, she wouldn't know you."
Me: "Whateva."
Now does it make me a bad person for not going to see old girl? I did wave to her. Ok ok, manners and courtesy, both traits my mother and grandmother worked hard to instill in me... I am a courteous and mannerful chick, really I am. But this is my year for NO BULLSHIT. I just don't give a damn. I'm burned out on the whole family tip. And it's selfish of me, I have no doubt of that, but it is also selfish of them to want me to keep eating shit and dying just because they're old and 'set in their ways'. Fuck that, man. They know better. They know better than to treat folks like shit and just roll on like nothing is wrong. They fucked with my MOTHER. That girl is my heart. NOBODY fucks with my mother. So. Fuck 'em. And if I gotta go to hell, Farrakhan, then I'll risk it. But I think God sees my heart in this, and while pride is a sin-- and I KNOW that goddammit-- I'm not maliciously trying to hurt anyone, I'm just aggressively trying not to get hurt. I'm sick of being hurt.
Anyway. How much ya wanna bet somebody's gonna call with some sob story or other about how I blew off Grandma and Queen. They'll get over it.
Also on Sunday I met up with Kasai again. HOW WEIRD. And of course, he didn't remember me from Adam. Hurt my feelings!!
I was like: (hanging out the car window waving like a maniac) "KASAI NELSON X!!!"
Kasai: (looking wildly around like a crack fiend on a cop run)
Me: (waving again) "Hey you! I know you remember me from Incarnate Word..."
Kasai: (walking over slowly to the car, leaning into passenger side) "Hey....OH yeah, HEY!!"
Sigh. How craptaculous was that. Talk about getting your face broken. As if that wasn't bad enough, after the convention, when he was heading for his car, I thought I'd give him another chance. We can shoot the shit right, catch up on old times... something, right? I mean, we weren't best friends or anything, but he made me sing with him while he played piano. I mean, we were like, the only two Muslims in the whole of UIW... doesn't that warrant something? Apparently not, cuz old boy jumped in his car and ran for the hills. In Jess's word:
CRAP-TAC-U-LOUS
Monday - Work is fast reaching record lows. I was looking forward to the writing club meeting, but nobody can make it, so me and Barb end up having pipe dream pow wows while vegging out in front of American Idol and the UPN lineup. Gotta love 'Girlfriends' & 'Half & Half'. And is it me, or has 'Eve' gotten better? It's prolly just me.
Tuesday - Ria comes out from left field with a 1-2 punch on the N.O.I. and me in general. Friends at work become involved in heavy convo about children and discipline, and I TRIED to stay out of it, really I did, but of course I had to open my big mouth. WORK is FAST reaching record lows. Meeting with TIIC (the idiots in charge) reveal that not only will more work be expected of us (no surprise there) but we must do it fast, faster, turbo-speed. Because our productivity as a department has lagged somewhere down around hell, and TIIC figure it must be because us lazy assed employees are goofing off updating livejournals or something instead of working. Wait a minute...
Anyway. I ask Joyce: "Have you talked to the teams to determine why our productivity is fluctuating? What factors are contributing to our lack of consistent results?"
Joyce: "Ah... well, basically, we feel you're just a bunch of slackers."
Me: "Hmm, I can pretty much guarantee that's not the case. Have you considered that lack of training might be an issue? Also, we have no written procedures to refer to, that could have a good deal to do with our inconsistencies."
Joyce: "Nah. We're pretty sure y'all are just a bunch of slackers."
Ok, so she didn't really say that. What she said was something about utilizing all resources available, asking the Leads (useless) and supervisors (clueless) for help when we need to, not letting our work load get too heavy (HAHAHAHA!), blah blah blah...
What bugs me about these meetings, tho, is that my team members are good for complaining about the work load, how unfair and stressful the job is, how they're mad and they're just not gonna take it anymore. So... in a meeting, with management, you would think the chickenshits would speak up. I mean, I gave them an opening. Jump in, the water's warm. But OH no, not these guys. You could hear a pin drop in there. Well, Toni and Cathy did try, too, but what about the other dead beats? It bugs me. I just don't understand complacency. What the hell are they afraid of? SPEAK UP. You can't just sit idly by and eat shit and die and then hope somebody somewhere maybe might could one day give a shit about you. SPEAK UP, goddammit!!
TODAY - My supervisor calls me into her office.
Ruth: "Lana, I've heard some complaints about your singing out loud at your desk. I'm going to have to ask that you stop that."
Me: "You're kidding."
Ruth: "No... I know, it's stupid, but I had to tell you, I've had more than a few complaints."
Me: "Whateva... I mean, give me a break. Are you KIDDING?"
Ruth: "Well, I just had to bring it up to you."
So OF COURSE, me being the contrary chick I am... I am forced to sing that much louder. I mean, asking me not to sing is like asking me not to breathe, and frankly, I don't give a good goddamn who the fuck has a problem with it. Besides, we don't work in a frick fracking library. I refuse to be angered by this. In fact, like I said earlier, I'm amazingly ok will all the shit. It's... strange. Usually I'd be all uptight and attitudinal, but I pretty much feel like popping off a couple of birds to the stressors in my life. I mean, cuz it could be so much worse, right. It really could.
But Kasai really should have remembered me, goddammit. He really should have.
Salaam
Sunday - I went to Saviour's Day with Gramps, Grandma, Jawab, Aunt Queen and Barb. I hugged and greeted Gramps (cuz we ran into each other at the check in), walked with Jawab afterward to go get the cars. And for Grandma... zippo. I waved at Aunt Queen, who I hear has been dying to see me. She moved down here last month or the month before... she's my Grandma's cousin, and the last time I saw her I was like 8 or something. Explain to me why she would want to see me?
BJ was like: "I pointed you out to her."
Me: "Oh yeah? What'd she say."
BJ: "She said she didn't recognize you."
Me: "Now that's funny. Of course she wouldn't, I was like 8 when I last saw her."
BJ: "Yeah. She said you didn't look anything like she would have thought you would. She said if she passed you on the street, she wouldn't know you."
Me: "Whateva."
Now does it make me a bad person for not going to see old girl? I did wave to her. Ok ok, manners and courtesy, both traits my mother and grandmother worked hard to instill in me... I am a courteous and mannerful chick, really I am. But this is my year for NO BULLSHIT. I just don't give a damn. I'm burned out on the whole family tip. And it's selfish of me, I have no doubt of that, but it is also selfish of them to want me to keep eating shit and dying just because they're old and 'set in their ways'. Fuck that, man. They know better. They know better than to treat folks like shit and just roll on like nothing is wrong. They fucked with my MOTHER. That girl is my heart. NOBODY fucks with my mother. So. Fuck 'em. And if I gotta go to hell, Farrakhan, then I'll risk it. But I think God sees my heart in this, and while pride is a sin-- and I KNOW that goddammit-- I'm not maliciously trying to hurt anyone, I'm just aggressively trying not to get hurt. I'm sick of being hurt.
Anyway. How much ya wanna bet somebody's gonna call with some sob story or other about how I blew off Grandma and Queen. They'll get over it.
Also on Sunday I met up with Kasai again. HOW WEIRD. And of course, he didn't remember me from Adam. Hurt my feelings!!
I was like: (hanging out the car window waving like a maniac) "KASAI NELSON X!!!"
Kasai: (looking wildly around like a crack fiend on a cop run)
Me: (waving again) "Hey you! I know you remember me from Incarnate Word..."
Kasai: (walking over slowly to the car, leaning into passenger side) "Hey....OH yeah, HEY!!"
Sigh. How craptaculous was that. Talk about getting your face broken. As if that wasn't bad enough, after the convention, when he was heading for his car, I thought I'd give him another chance. We can shoot the shit right, catch up on old times... something, right? I mean, we weren't best friends or anything, but he made me sing with him while he played piano. I mean, we were like, the only two Muslims in the whole of UIW... doesn't that warrant something? Apparently not, cuz old boy jumped in his car and ran for the hills. In Jess's word:
CRAP-TAC-U-LOUS
Monday - Work is fast reaching record lows. I was looking forward to the writing club meeting, but nobody can make it, so me and Barb end up having pipe dream pow wows while vegging out in front of American Idol and the UPN lineup. Gotta love 'Girlfriends' & 'Half & Half'. And is it me, or has 'Eve' gotten better? It's prolly just me.
Tuesday - Ria comes out from left field with a 1-2 punch on the N.O.I. and me in general. Friends at work become involved in heavy convo about children and discipline, and I TRIED to stay out of it, really I did, but of course I had to open my big mouth. WORK is FAST reaching record lows. Meeting with TIIC (the idiots in charge) reveal that not only will more work be expected of us (no surprise there) but we must do it fast, faster, turbo-speed. Because our productivity as a department has lagged somewhere down around hell, and TIIC figure it must be because us lazy assed employees are goofing off updating livejournals or something instead of working. Wait a minute...
Anyway. I ask Joyce: "Have you talked to the teams to determine why our productivity is fluctuating? What factors are contributing to our lack of consistent results?"
Joyce: "Ah... well, basically, we feel you're just a bunch of slackers."
Me: "Hmm, I can pretty much guarantee that's not the case. Have you considered that lack of training might be an issue? Also, we have no written procedures to refer to, that could have a good deal to do with our inconsistencies."
Joyce: "Nah. We're pretty sure y'all are just a bunch of slackers."
Ok, so she didn't really say that. What she said was something about utilizing all resources available, asking the Leads (useless) and supervisors (clueless) for help when we need to, not letting our work load get too heavy (HAHAHAHA!), blah blah blah...
What bugs me about these meetings, tho, is that my team members are good for complaining about the work load, how unfair and stressful the job is, how they're mad and they're just not gonna take it anymore. So... in a meeting, with management, you would think the chickenshits would speak up. I mean, I gave them an opening. Jump in, the water's warm. But OH no, not these guys. You could hear a pin drop in there. Well, Toni and Cathy did try, too, but what about the other dead beats? It bugs me. I just don't understand complacency. What the hell are they afraid of? SPEAK UP. You can't just sit idly by and eat shit and die and then hope somebody somewhere maybe might could one day give a shit about you. SPEAK UP, goddammit!!
TODAY - My supervisor calls me into her office.
Ruth: "Lana, I've heard some complaints about your singing out loud at your desk. I'm going to have to ask that you stop that."
Me: "You're kidding."
Ruth: "No... I know, it's stupid, but I had to tell you, I've had more than a few complaints."
Me: "Whateva... I mean, give me a break. Are you KIDDING?"
Ruth: "Well, I just had to bring it up to you."
So OF COURSE, me being the contrary chick I am... I am forced to sing that much louder. I mean, asking me not to sing is like asking me not to breathe, and frankly, I don't give a good goddamn who the fuck has a problem with it. Besides, we don't work in a frick fracking library. I refuse to be angered by this. In fact, like I said earlier, I'm amazingly ok will all the shit. It's... strange. Usually I'd be all uptight and attitudinal, but I pretty much feel like popping off a couple of birds to the stressors in my life. I mean, cuz it could be so much worse, right. It really could.
But Kasai really should have remembered me, goddammit. He really should have.
Salaam