(no subject)
what matters:
it's all delicious outside. all sunshine and wind and... crispness. all that is missing is rain. i can see the mountains today. they're smiling knowingly at me, as if they haven't been hiding for the past two days. "Maulana, we've been here all along," they say smugly. no earthquake, no global warming, no nuclear war threatens them. they remain unfazed through the tirades of humanity, untouched, unamused, unimpressed. like oceans, mountains are forever. delicious.
i'm going out in a few minutes. yay.
i love the fall/winter. they are the absolute best seasons.
what doesn't matter:
i haven't properly exfoliated since July. my skin knows this. my skin is aligator skin, especially on my lower legs, which are really a disgrace, truth be told. i refuse to talk about my face.
the second i get discretionary fundage, i am splurging at Sonya Dakar. they have the body polish of the gods. plus, my face will love me again. i can't wait to be loved again. the blotches and patches of dry skin are so not appreciated.
i still have a $40 gift certficate from Lauretta from last year for Nordstroms. it sits day in and day out inside my wallet. i still can't make myself spend it.
every night i stare at the beautiful wooden lock box that Lauretta gave me last year. i can't decide if i should be petty and send it back to her, be petty and give it away, or be silly and let it continue to haunt me.
it's officially been one year already. that's bizarre. this time last year, i don't even want to know what my thoughts were. i should go back and read, but i am afraid that i was full of delusion and good cheer. and really, who needs that?
i'm full of good cheer now, but no delusion. not a'tall.
what shouldn't matter:
i hate the people who raised me. i hate their blood. i hate their taint and their dysfunction.
i may not ever get to a point where i can forgive them, and there is nothing inside of me that yearns for their forgiveness.
an impasse. exactly as i told them 3 years ago. we are at an impasse. let's call the whole thing off.
now. if i can just get to a point where my obsession with them subsides, i'd be fabulous.
it's all delicious outside. all sunshine and wind and... crispness. all that is missing is rain. i can see the mountains today. they're smiling knowingly at me, as if they haven't been hiding for the past two days. "Maulana, we've been here all along," they say smugly. no earthquake, no global warming, no nuclear war threatens them. they remain unfazed through the tirades of humanity, untouched, unamused, unimpressed. like oceans, mountains are forever. delicious.
i'm going out in a few minutes. yay.
i love the fall/winter. they are the absolute best seasons.
what doesn't matter:
i haven't properly exfoliated since July. my skin knows this. my skin is aligator skin, especially on my lower legs, which are really a disgrace, truth be told. i refuse to talk about my face.
the second i get discretionary fundage, i am splurging at Sonya Dakar. they have the body polish of the gods. plus, my face will love me again. i can't wait to be loved again. the blotches and patches of dry skin are so not appreciated.
i still have a $40 gift certficate from Lauretta from last year for Nordstroms. it sits day in and day out inside my wallet. i still can't make myself spend it.
every night i stare at the beautiful wooden lock box that Lauretta gave me last year. i can't decide if i should be petty and send it back to her, be petty and give it away, or be silly and let it continue to haunt me.
it's officially been one year already. that's bizarre. this time last year, i don't even want to know what my thoughts were. i should go back and read, but i am afraid that i was full of delusion and good cheer. and really, who needs that?
i'm full of good cheer now, but no delusion. not a'tall.
what shouldn't matter:
i hate the people who raised me. i hate their blood. i hate their taint and their dysfunction.
i may not ever get to a point where i can forgive them, and there is nothing inside of me that yearns for their forgiveness.
an impasse. exactly as i told them 3 years ago. we are at an impasse. let's call the whole thing off.
now. if i can just get to a point where my obsession with them subsides, i'd be fabulous.