Reprinted for the Benefit of Others
I think I am going to cry. This letter just came in my email. I think it's important to see what transwomen go through with their families. I wish there was a better, less impactful way to do this, but maybe it's better just to let it be. The letter is printed inits entirety. Only my boy name was altered to "S."
Two final points, Julia is my ex-wife. She left because she couldn't handle the mess she'd made of our finances, and possibly also because of my coming to terms with my gender. Also, I haven't a clue why my parents think I believe they caught me dressed as a child. They did not. They caught me twice with clothing that was not mine (my sister's) in my possession and asked me once if I was wearing it. I lied and said no. They asked if I want to see a counselor. I said no. I was scared. I should have gone. Anyway, here it is.
Hi S.,
What are you doing? Oh S., what a mess and how wrong! God did NOT make a
mistake when he made you. God does not make crap, people make crap of their
own lives all by themselves.
I don't know if you read the papers anymore , or if you are so self-consumed
with me_me these days, but Boeing will probably be sold. Our living
situation and your dad's employment situation could drastically change. The
reason I'm telling you this is because there are a number of boxes of yours
that we packed up of all your stuff from your room when you went to college.
If we don't hear from you, we'll just trash them. You care so little about
your life with us, anyway. If you want them, you'll have to write, call, or
come down and get them, but by summer they're gone.
I still can't figure out why you feel the way you do about your family. I
don't even know if you read this or it's going right to Julia. She's a big
problem right now. Both of you couldn't give us the time of day when you
were married, but she has your phone number and she knows where you live.
We, your parents, don't even have this! She also harasses H. at work and
spreads personal information with her co-workers, whom she doesn't even
know! This has got to stop! WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS? It's just plain
wrong and childish. Here is another situation where you think your actions
aren't affecting anybody else but they are! Why should H. have to put up
with this nonsense. Since you have her phone number, at least do one tiny
little thing for somebody else, and tell Julia to STOP IT!
I feel like these e-mails to you are just so I can sleep at nights, or I
will continue to mentally beat myself up. You're mixed up S., if you
think this is your key to happiness - your are sadly mistaken. Like I said,
I don't know if you get these e-mails or not, or if it just gives Julia more
fire for the furnace. And Julia is you are reading this, Shame On You!
Grow up!
And all of this is just plain wrong! There is a right and wrong way to live
Just because something is possible, it doesn't make it right. And this is
a key point in "accepting everyone's lifestyle." No! Society does not have
to accept all lifestyles - If the neighbours dog is barking and a person
enjoys beating dogs, just because the ability is there to beat the dog,
doesn't make it right. If a person who likes to eat other people see fat
person walking down the street it doesn't make it right to kill that person
and eat them. Jeffrey Dolmer paid for his "lifestyle." The priests that
like little boys as their toys - a different lifestyle. Sexual abusers
have a different lifestyle, homosexuals, lesbians, cannibals, sexual
perverts, wife beaters, pimps, whores, cross-dressers, transvestites,
shemales, drug dealers - they all have their claim to an "alternative
lifestyle." Are you accepting of all these lifestyles? Who do you exclude?
There are standards of decency. There are acceptable lifestyle and
non-acceptable lifestyles. Here's a big hint - the "non" part means "not."
Because those lifestyles are damaging to oneself or to another person, and
because those lifestyles are not edifying and only satisfy and lust.
You've always had a hard time growing up and still do. You've hated to be
corrected and we did that not because we were mean, unattentive parents but
rather the opposite. We showed you right from wrong because we loved you
and we wanted you to grow up knowing the difference and hopefully choosing a
good path to walk down for your life. You, on the other hand, have seen
correction as something that we dished out unfairly because we didn't like
you or we favoured your sisters. They got the same lectures, the same
discipline, the same consequences. You felt you were treated more harshly
for one main reason, you refused to learn the lessons the first or second or
sometimes the third time. We had to keep disciplining! When you got a
speeding ticket, you told us that it was a personal letter, then accused us
of opening your mail when all along you left your opened mail out for us to
see. It progressed from a speeding ticket to your 1st car accident, when
you hit a lady's car down by Century II after a concert. She didn't call
the accident in because she took pity on you, a teenage and knew what that
would do to your car insurance rates. LUCKY YOU! How nice of that person!
But....you had to give your 'friends' a ride to and from school, then had
another accident and LEFT the scene of the crime - and it was a crime! Who
stood by you? Was it your friends? No............ Your mean parents, you
know, the ones that don't like you, the ones that don't understand you???
But what did you do after your car got fixed? Well you didn't see a car
that had the right of way. No more car. Where were the 'friends' then?
Who stood beside you? You got you to school, piano practice, bass practice,
anything else that you needed a ride too? Sure wasn't your friends. Oh,
and by the way, your car insurance? Yes, we paid for that and we paid and
we paid. We had to keep paying it after you were gone to college - for 5
years we paid your high car insurance. Did you know that? Did you even
ask? Did you not know that when you drive a car you have to have car
insurance? Who do you think was paying yours? Did we ask for thanks? No,
all we asked for was that you communicate with us. Talk with us. But you
wouldn't and you still don't. I guess we deserve that because look how
rotten we have treated you - paying your car insurance - bad parents!
See S. this is just one out of many incidents that you refuse to grow up.
And silly us, we turn around and give you V-ger! Are these the stories that
you share on your livejournals? No, of course not. You actually take the
time to write out lies and venom. You purposefully sit down and spew
garbage about us. What are doing? If you have a problem with us, YOU COME
AND TALK TO US. But you have never done this. You are a coward and slink
around behind our backs. And it's just like when you were in school, you
think your parents will never find out about stuff and they do! I mean, how
stupid do you think we are? You may think we don't know what went on, but
we did. And we tried to get you to see right from wrong.
Now this lie about me finding you dressed in H.'s clothes. You are
delusional. It never happened. If I had seen THAT, we would have sought
professional help immediately. No, it never happened. I don't know who you
are trying to impress or depress - but you're making up lies about lies.
What is wrong with you?
Are you living a life worth celebrating? Are you living a life that you and
others can be proud of? Do you have self-respect?
For what it's worth, Your Mom
Lana's Note: After an email exchange (yay!) with my sister she rightly informed me that she did not want her name posted on the internet. I completely understand and apologize for the oversight. I should have shortened her name just like I did mine. I have now corrected the name. Nothing else about the letter has been edited.
Two final points, Julia is my ex-wife. She left because she couldn't handle the mess she'd made of our finances, and possibly also because of my coming to terms with my gender. Also, I haven't a clue why my parents think I believe they caught me dressed as a child. They did not. They caught me twice with clothing that was not mine (my sister's) in my possession and asked me once if I was wearing it. I lied and said no. They asked if I want to see a counselor. I said no. I was scared. I should have gone. Anyway, here it is.
Hi S.,
What are you doing? Oh S., what a mess and how wrong! God did NOT make a
mistake when he made you. God does not make crap, people make crap of their
own lives all by themselves.
I don't know if you read the papers anymore , or if you are so self-consumed
with me_me these days, but Boeing will probably be sold. Our living
situation and your dad's employment situation could drastically change. The
reason I'm telling you this is because there are a number of boxes of yours
that we packed up of all your stuff from your room when you went to college.
If we don't hear from you, we'll just trash them. You care so little about
your life with us, anyway. If you want them, you'll have to write, call, or
come down and get them, but by summer they're gone.
I still can't figure out why you feel the way you do about your family. I
don't even know if you read this or it's going right to Julia. She's a big
problem right now. Both of you couldn't give us the time of day when you
were married, but she has your phone number and she knows where you live.
We, your parents, don't even have this! She also harasses H. at work and
spreads personal information with her co-workers, whom she doesn't even
know! This has got to stop! WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS? It's just plain
wrong and childish. Here is another situation where you think your actions
aren't affecting anybody else but they are! Why should H. have to put up
with this nonsense. Since you have her phone number, at least do one tiny
little thing for somebody else, and tell Julia to STOP IT!
I feel like these e-mails to you are just so I can sleep at nights, or I
will continue to mentally beat myself up. You're mixed up S., if you
think this is your key to happiness - your are sadly mistaken. Like I said,
I don't know if you get these e-mails or not, or if it just gives Julia more
fire for the furnace. And Julia is you are reading this, Shame On You!
Grow up!
And all of this is just plain wrong! There is a right and wrong way to live
Just because something is possible, it doesn't make it right. And this is
a key point in "accepting everyone's lifestyle." No! Society does not have
to accept all lifestyles - If the neighbours dog is barking and a person
enjoys beating dogs, just because the ability is there to beat the dog,
doesn't make it right. If a person who likes to eat other people see fat
person walking down the street it doesn't make it right to kill that person
and eat them. Jeffrey Dolmer paid for his "lifestyle." The priests that
like little boys as their toys - a different lifestyle. Sexual abusers
have a different lifestyle, homosexuals, lesbians, cannibals, sexual
perverts, wife beaters, pimps, whores, cross-dressers, transvestites,
shemales, drug dealers - they all have their claim to an "alternative
lifestyle." Are you accepting of all these lifestyles? Who do you exclude?
There are standards of decency. There are acceptable lifestyle and
non-acceptable lifestyles. Here's a big hint - the "non" part means "not."
Because those lifestyles are damaging to oneself or to another person, and
because those lifestyles are not edifying and only satisfy and lust.
You've always had a hard time growing up and still do. You've hated to be
corrected and we did that not because we were mean, unattentive parents but
rather the opposite. We showed you right from wrong because we loved you
and we wanted you to grow up knowing the difference and hopefully choosing a
good path to walk down for your life. You, on the other hand, have seen
correction as something that we dished out unfairly because we didn't like
you or we favoured your sisters. They got the same lectures, the same
discipline, the same consequences. You felt you were treated more harshly
for one main reason, you refused to learn the lessons the first or second or
sometimes the third time. We had to keep disciplining! When you got a
speeding ticket, you told us that it was a personal letter, then accused us
of opening your mail when all along you left your opened mail out for us to
see. It progressed from a speeding ticket to your 1st car accident, when
you hit a lady's car down by Century II after a concert. She didn't call
the accident in because she took pity on you, a teenage and knew what that
would do to your car insurance rates. LUCKY YOU! How nice of that person!
But....you had to give your 'friends' a ride to and from school, then had
another accident and LEFT the scene of the crime - and it was a crime! Who
stood by you? Was it your friends? No............ Your mean parents, you
know, the ones that don't like you, the ones that don't understand you???
But what did you do after your car got fixed? Well you didn't see a car
that had the right of way. No more car. Where were the 'friends' then?
Who stood beside you? You got you to school, piano practice, bass practice,
anything else that you needed a ride too? Sure wasn't your friends. Oh,
and by the way, your car insurance? Yes, we paid for that and we paid and
we paid. We had to keep paying it after you were gone to college - for 5
years we paid your high car insurance. Did you know that? Did you even
ask? Did you not know that when you drive a car you have to have car
insurance? Who do you think was paying yours? Did we ask for thanks? No,
all we asked for was that you communicate with us. Talk with us. But you
wouldn't and you still don't. I guess we deserve that because look how
rotten we have treated you - paying your car insurance - bad parents!
See S. this is just one out of many incidents that you refuse to grow up.
And silly us, we turn around and give you V-ger! Are these the stories that
you share on your livejournals? No, of course not. You actually take the
time to write out lies and venom. You purposefully sit down and spew
garbage about us. What are doing? If you have a problem with us, YOU COME
AND TALK TO US. But you have never done this. You are a coward and slink
around behind our backs. And it's just like when you were in school, you
think your parents will never find out about stuff and they do! I mean, how
stupid do you think we are? You may think we don't know what went on, but
we did. And we tried to get you to see right from wrong.
Now this lie about me finding you dressed in H.'s clothes. You are
delusional. It never happened. If I had seen THAT, we would have sought
professional help immediately. No, it never happened. I don't know who you
are trying to impress or depress - but you're making up lies about lies.
What is wrong with you?
Are you living a life worth celebrating? Are you living a life that you and
others can be proud of? Do you have self-respect?
For what it's worth, Your Mom
Lana's Note: After an email exchange (yay!) with my sister she rightly informed me that she did not want her name posted on the internet. I completely understand and apologize for the oversight. I should have shortened her name just like I did mine. I have now corrected the name. Nothing else about the letter has been edited.