a rant about something other then the asshole freddy

[lamiarojodiablo]

for so long ive been treated as though im the one with the problem. that im the stupid one im the one that dosnt understand. people treat me like im stupid like im lower then they and im tired of it. just because they dont understand me dosnt make me wrong. its so hard to grow up thinking that every thing about you is wrong. having your friends parents look at you like your dangerous. your parents telling you its not healthy. i have been in tharapy sence i was 9 and im no better now then i was. things go through my head horrible things but i dont even play attion any more. i almost ignore them and they pass with little pain. its sad though i cant trust so many it haveing been shattered so much. i never told any shrink about my horrible visions and i guess its good i dont know if ive ever mentioned them out loud before. i guess its good next thing id know id be locked up because i was 'planning something.' i really resented my mother immedately after the divorce every thing about what she did was dishornorable and low. i told my first taripst i read every paper they gave me 'i could tell them anything." i told them what i really thought and she turned right around and told the one person i never wanted to hear it. i think my mother dosnt realize that trying to turn us against our father just sours us to her. but what do i know, i mean she went out of her way to make me look stupid next to ricky and eddie. i understood evoloution very very young darwins theory was so well known to me i started theorizeing on my own. i came to the concluseion based on the information i could gather that most people slept better, more soundly in winter time. i made a comment about it likely evolved as a combination of many factors includeing lack of preditors and pray. you would have thought that had just asked "is the ice the hockey players state on cold?" (a real question i have been serously asked) i didnt hear the end of it for a long long time. i have alot of anger founded or not its there for how ive been treated all my life. it took untill i was 17 to finaly find at least one person that was able to understand what im talking about when i just talk freely. untill i was 17 to be treated like i was worthwile, that i was pretty i was smart. so much is so reserved its hard to be free. i am so well versed in idot i almost think i am one. its so refreshing to be able to speak. i made the mistake of speaking to my maneger at pizza hut and he asked me what several of the words i used ment. so much unused for so long because i had no way to express it. oh and i resent the hell out of it when i am discuraged while my sister is encouraged to do the same things. im 20 years old for the love of god im not old why do i have to dress and act like my life is already over. my artistic talent was a joke to certan family members that shall remain nameless yet for a peice that had a hell of a lot less talent and heart my sister gets recognition praise and reward while mine is riticuled and ignored.

this started out simply enough write an entry for the day be open and look what it has become my bitter ranting. but better to be out with it then let it fester. welll im tired ill rave later