Whole Lotta Bitches Jumpin' Ship
I have my first final tomorrow, Medieval Philsophy, Which is the definition of a mindfuck. If I have to read any more about perfection and degrees of belief and the difference between essence and existence and dialectic versus rhetorical learningand intelligent design and a million other abstract theories that have no other application except to make my head hurt I will die. However, because I don’t feel right not doing anything on the eve of my final, I need a distraction. So what am I going to do? That’s right. You didn’t think it was coming. You were sure it would never see the light of day. But oh how wrong you were…
TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2006
Granted, I guaranteed that these would come before the Oscars, but a guarantee on livejournal is worth jackshit. For those who know me know that my favorites have been solidified since the end of winter break, and nothing else (award shows included) has influenced or changed them. As for the Oscars themselves, I give Jon Stewart a solid C+, which isn’t great, but better than the solid F Dolly Parton gets for her rendition of the shittiest song ever to be nominated for any award, grammy’s included. I don’t want to see Transamerica just for that song.
FYI: I know that by now no one gives a shit about this, but I think the element of surprise (coming out with it WHEN no one gives a shit) is worth something. Plus, I don’t want to study. Enjoy.
First, some Honorable Mentions:
Munich- some amazing parts, but long as fuck and the bit at the end where Eric Bana is having sex (you know what I'm talking about) makes absolutely
no thematic sense and is pretty disgusting to boot (lots of sweat).
Layer Cake- Eh, I dunno.
King Kong- I liked it alot when I saw it, but thinking back, I'm not feeling so hot. Jack Black is the same as always and Naomi Watts is hot and the monkey was amazing, but did it really need to be three hours?
Harry Potter- Yeah, pretty good. I happened to see the first Harry Potter movie on TV the day after I saw this one, and my god, the quiddich scene that was so exciting back in 2003 or whenever that movie was released suddenly looked like a child shitting on the ground and then stepping in it. The special effects in this series have progressed, let's just say.
Wedding Crashers- Unlike the oscars and pricks everywhere, I have no problem ranking comedies right alongside drama's. Wedding Crashers was pretty damn funny, but lets be honest, it was all Vince Vaugn. He made the movie. The only other funny character was the redhead and every scene she had was with Vince. I'd hasten to say that Vince Vaugn carried this movie just as much as Philip Seymour Hoffman carried Capote, if not in screen time, then in keeping up the quality. Without Vaugn's rapid fire comic stylings it would have been a boring, predictible, shitty-ass romantic comedy, and I can prove this, because the stretches of the movie that didn't have him were exactly that.
Popstar starring Aaron Carter- Probably the best movie watching experience of the year, but not on the list for obvious reasons.
Worst Movies of the Year:
3. Melinda and Melinda- Woody Allen has a movie on each of my lists. This one was shit. It was such a great concept, and such terrible, awkward execution. The scenes in the restaurant the bookend the movie might honestly have some of the worst dialogue I have ever seen on film. Allen is a legend, but the guy needs to swallow his ego and get an editor (he needs one on Match Point too, just to a lesser extent)
2. Star Wars Episode 3- People said this was better than Episode's 1 and 2. I say that getting kicked in the balls straight up is better than getting kicked in the balls by someone wearing shoes with knives on the end.
1. Robots- I saw this on an airplane and almost tried to break a window and jump off.
Now, the top ten:
10. Match Point
One of my most anticipated movies of the year only pulls in 10. It was a good movie, but I was still disappointed. Everyone says that this movie doesn’t seem like a Woody Allen movie, which I don’t get at all. It’s incredibly Woody Allen, just set in a different place and with pretty young faces supplanting his hundred year old wrinkled exterior. It had the good of Woody Allen (a lot of razor sharp wit, interesting views on class and sex) as well as the bad (some incredibly awkward and silly scenes). A scene towards the end where Johnny Rhys Myers sees people who aren’t there and then goes on to explain to them his exact motivation for each of his actions throughout the previous two hours (all the while quoting Socrates) gets my vote for the most painfully awkward, pretentious dialogue I’ve seen in some time. That said, unlike many of Woody’s recent outings, the plot for this one was brilliant, and he built suspense wonderfully. There were scenes here (one in particular) where I actually gasped in shock. For a filmmaker who has lately played it way too safe, I loved seeing a movie as ballsy as this one. Also, Scarlett Johnasson plays a huge slut in this movie and that is all I've ever hoped for.
9. Batman Begins
Badass. I wondered what was missing from the last few Batman movies. Then I realized: good actors, good filmmaking, and fucking intense, scary action scenes. Christian Bale is the best batman ever, for my vote. It’s debatable whether he’s better than Beetlejuice, but his poker face is a huge improvement over that smug smiling asshole George Clooney. I was also happy to have villains that really provoked fear in this one, rather than white clad men on skates with hockey sticks. This is how you make a superhero movie.
8. Sin City
The part where the guy got his balls ripped off was amazing. It made me cringe in horror. I had no idea a (mostly) animated movie could do that.
7. Constant Gardener
This movie was visually gorgeous, and had one of the most interesting love stories I’d seen in recent memory (the love only became real after one of the two died, basically). Most of this movie was a big “fuck you” to drug companies, and I don’t normally like such overtly political filmmaking, but it was so beautiful and worked so well as a thriller that I gave in. Rachel Weisz is beautiful. Ralph Fiennes played a putz, I don’t know how he landed that girl, but in the end he was pretty studly, too.
6. Capote
This movie was too damn long and too damn slow and the person I saw it with (Matt) almost fell asleep, but I ended up loving it for two reasons. The first is Phil Hoffman, one of my favorite actors, who is beyond amazing in this. Cody said it best. At first when watching Phil you’re kind of thinking “what the fuck”, but after the initial shock dies down and you come to accept that this is how he is, then you utterly forget that it’s an actor. This movie also explored writing in a really interesting way, showing how compromising your morality for your art can slowly destroy you. As an aspiring writer myself, it was one of the most fascinating and harrowing portraits of the artistic process I’d ever seen.
5. Brokeback Mountain
Honestly, this is just a really old fashioned love story. If you made Jack Gyllenhal a girl (and he might as well be with those big blue eyes) this movie would be right in place in the 1940’s as a big studio romantic picture. Political stuff aside, it was a really well made, wrenching love story. Kind of slow in the middle, but there were a few scenes at the end that broke your heart. I kind of hate it when idiot matinee heartthrobs who I hate prove they can act, but I gotta say, Heath Ledger was the shit.
4. Forty Year Old Virgin
Hilarious. I think part of my enjoyment of this movie was the experience of seeing it at a preview screening in a packed theatre with absolutely no expectations, so everything came as a surprise. It’s such a funny movie no matter what though. This proves that when comedy is anchored by a center of real pathos its that many times funnier than when its just wacky. Chest waxing scene was amazing, even though the nonstop barrage of it during the ad campaign made me hate Kelly Clarkson.
3. Squid and the Whale
I honestly think this was one of the best years in recent memory for leading actors. Like I said, Phil deserved it, but any other year it could have gone to any of the others. And in any other year, Jeff Daniels would have been nominated for his turn in this as an elitist asshole. The fact that he retains his humanity throughout this movie while being the biggest dick in the world is amazing. The movie itself is funny in a real gut wrenching, slap you in the face way. That’s my favorite kind of humor.
2. Good Night, and Good Luck
Crisp. I didn’t think I would like this as much as I did, since not much happens at all, but the way the movie navigates the backstage mechanics of a 1950’s news show is so smooth and exciting. It was just crisp, that’s the best way. It went by fast and I was enthralled the whole time, despite the fact that it was about the fucking nightly news. I wish Clooney didn’t put in the final little monologue that basically stated his mission statement outright, but this still proves that he’s a directorial tour de force.
1. Crash
At the very least Brett can attest that this has been my favorite movie of the year since I saw it almost a year ago. All year long I waited for it to be dethroned, but that never happened. Movies with lots of disparate plotlines that all overlap are a dime a dozen nowadays, but when they’re done brilliantly I still love ‘em. Plus, Crash actually had a reason for all the different characters and stories (it was about how strangers indirectly influence one another, and that’s how we make connections with each other in this fucked up isolated world). I prefer that to movies that have disparate plotlines just so they can be indie and cool (cough, me you and everyone we know, cough). Yes, the racism in this movie is nonstop and often hilarious, but it makes you hurt, and it makes you think. There are some set pieces that blow my mind still. The movie surprised me so many times, and like I said about Match Point, I love it when that happens. You think you know what’s gonna happen, you think you know which characters to trust, which characters you empathize with, and then they do things that shock you. I love it. The guys I was waching the Oscars with and I had a running bet on who could predict the most wins, and I was up by one coming into best picture and I chose Brokeback to win and the guy who was down chose Crash, so we ended up tying which was devastating, but I was still happy as hell. I didn’t even think this movie would get the nomination it deserved (go the Spring-released path of Eternal Sunshine and the like) and then it comes out and WINS. I watched it all over again the day after the Oscars, and it was just as good. I love movies, a lot of them impress me, but very few amaze me. Crash amazed me.
Well,
That was a waste of forty five minutes.
I'm home in two days.
TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2006
Granted, I guaranteed that these would come before the Oscars, but a guarantee on livejournal is worth jackshit. For those who know me know that my favorites have been solidified since the end of winter break, and nothing else (award shows included) has influenced or changed them. As for the Oscars themselves, I give Jon Stewart a solid C+, which isn’t great, but better than the solid F Dolly Parton gets for her rendition of the shittiest song ever to be nominated for any award, grammy’s included. I don’t want to see Transamerica just for that song.
FYI: I know that by now no one gives a shit about this, but I think the element of surprise (coming out with it WHEN no one gives a shit) is worth something. Plus, I don’t want to study. Enjoy.
First, some Honorable Mentions:
Munich- some amazing parts, but long as fuck and the bit at the end where Eric Bana is having sex (you know what I'm talking about) makes absolutely
no thematic sense and is pretty disgusting to boot (lots of sweat).
Layer Cake- Eh, I dunno.
King Kong- I liked it alot when I saw it, but thinking back, I'm not feeling so hot. Jack Black is the same as always and Naomi Watts is hot and the monkey was amazing, but did it really need to be three hours?
Harry Potter- Yeah, pretty good. I happened to see the first Harry Potter movie on TV the day after I saw this one, and my god, the quiddich scene that was so exciting back in 2003 or whenever that movie was released suddenly looked like a child shitting on the ground and then stepping in it. The special effects in this series have progressed, let's just say.
Wedding Crashers- Unlike the oscars and pricks everywhere, I have no problem ranking comedies right alongside drama's. Wedding Crashers was pretty damn funny, but lets be honest, it was all Vince Vaugn. He made the movie. The only other funny character was the redhead and every scene she had was with Vince. I'd hasten to say that Vince Vaugn carried this movie just as much as Philip Seymour Hoffman carried Capote, if not in screen time, then in keeping up the quality. Without Vaugn's rapid fire comic stylings it would have been a boring, predictible, shitty-ass romantic comedy, and I can prove this, because the stretches of the movie that didn't have him were exactly that.
Popstar starring Aaron Carter- Probably the best movie watching experience of the year, but not on the list for obvious reasons.
Worst Movies of the Year:
3. Melinda and Melinda- Woody Allen has a movie on each of my lists. This one was shit. It was such a great concept, and such terrible, awkward execution. The scenes in the restaurant the bookend the movie might honestly have some of the worst dialogue I have ever seen on film. Allen is a legend, but the guy needs to swallow his ego and get an editor (he needs one on Match Point too, just to a lesser extent)
2. Star Wars Episode 3- People said this was better than Episode's 1 and 2. I say that getting kicked in the balls straight up is better than getting kicked in the balls by someone wearing shoes with knives on the end.
1. Robots- I saw this on an airplane and almost tried to break a window and jump off.
Now, the top ten:
10. Match Point
One of my most anticipated movies of the year only pulls in 10. It was a good movie, but I was still disappointed. Everyone says that this movie doesn’t seem like a Woody Allen movie, which I don’t get at all. It’s incredibly Woody Allen, just set in a different place and with pretty young faces supplanting his hundred year old wrinkled exterior. It had the good of Woody Allen (a lot of razor sharp wit, interesting views on class and sex) as well as the bad (some incredibly awkward and silly scenes). A scene towards the end where Johnny Rhys Myers sees people who aren’t there and then goes on to explain to them his exact motivation for each of his actions throughout the previous two hours (all the while quoting Socrates) gets my vote for the most painfully awkward, pretentious dialogue I’ve seen in some time. That said, unlike many of Woody’s recent outings, the plot for this one was brilliant, and he built suspense wonderfully. There were scenes here (one in particular) where I actually gasped in shock. For a filmmaker who has lately played it way too safe, I loved seeing a movie as ballsy as this one. Also, Scarlett Johnasson plays a huge slut in this movie and that is all I've ever hoped for.
9. Batman Begins
Badass. I wondered what was missing from the last few Batman movies. Then I realized: good actors, good filmmaking, and fucking intense, scary action scenes. Christian Bale is the best batman ever, for my vote. It’s debatable whether he’s better than Beetlejuice, but his poker face is a huge improvement over that smug smiling asshole George Clooney. I was also happy to have villains that really provoked fear in this one, rather than white clad men on skates with hockey sticks. This is how you make a superhero movie.
8. Sin City
The part where the guy got his balls ripped off was amazing. It made me cringe in horror. I had no idea a (mostly) animated movie could do that.
7. Constant Gardener
This movie was visually gorgeous, and had one of the most interesting love stories I’d seen in recent memory (the love only became real after one of the two died, basically). Most of this movie was a big “fuck you” to drug companies, and I don’t normally like such overtly political filmmaking, but it was so beautiful and worked so well as a thriller that I gave in. Rachel Weisz is beautiful. Ralph Fiennes played a putz, I don’t know how he landed that girl, but in the end he was pretty studly, too.
6. Capote
This movie was too damn long and too damn slow and the person I saw it with (Matt) almost fell asleep, but I ended up loving it for two reasons. The first is Phil Hoffman, one of my favorite actors, who is beyond amazing in this. Cody said it best. At first when watching Phil you’re kind of thinking “what the fuck”, but after the initial shock dies down and you come to accept that this is how he is, then you utterly forget that it’s an actor. This movie also explored writing in a really interesting way, showing how compromising your morality for your art can slowly destroy you. As an aspiring writer myself, it was one of the most fascinating and harrowing portraits of the artistic process I’d ever seen.
5. Brokeback Mountain
Honestly, this is just a really old fashioned love story. If you made Jack Gyllenhal a girl (and he might as well be with those big blue eyes) this movie would be right in place in the 1940’s as a big studio romantic picture. Political stuff aside, it was a really well made, wrenching love story. Kind of slow in the middle, but there were a few scenes at the end that broke your heart. I kind of hate it when idiot matinee heartthrobs who I hate prove they can act, but I gotta say, Heath Ledger was the shit.
4. Forty Year Old Virgin
Hilarious. I think part of my enjoyment of this movie was the experience of seeing it at a preview screening in a packed theatre with absolutely no expectations, so everything came as a surprise. It’s such a funny movie no matter what though. This proves that when comedy is anchored by a center of real pathos its that many times funnier than when its just wacky. Chest waxing scene was amazing, even though the nonstop barrage of it during the ad campaign made me hate Kelly Clarkson.
3. Squid and the Whale
I honestly think this was one of the best years in recent memory for leading actors. Like I said, Phil deserved it, but any other year it could have gone to any of the others. And in any other year, Jeff Daniels would have been nominated for his turn in this as an elitist asshole. The fact that he retains his humanity throughout this movie while being the biggest dick in the world is amazing. The movie itself is funny in a real gut wrenching, slap you in the face way. That’s my favorite kind of humor.
2. Good Night, and Good Luck
Crisp. I didn’t think I would like this as much as I did, since not much happens at all, but the way the movie navigates the backstage mechanics of a 1950’s news show is so smooth and exciting. It was just crisp, that’s the best way. It went by fast and I was enthralled the whole time, despite the fact that it was about the fucking nightly news. I wish Clooney didn’t put in the final little monologue that basically stated his mission statement outright, but this still proves that he’s a directorial tour de force.
1. Crash
At the very least Brett can attest that this has been my favorite movie of the year since I saw it almost a year ago. All year long I waited for it to be dethroned, but that never happened. Movies with lots of disparate plotlines that all overlap are a dime a dozen nowadays, but when they’re done brilliantly I still love ‘em. Plus, Crash actually had a reason for all the different characters and stories (it was about how strangers indirectly influence one another, and that’s how we make connections with each other in this fucked up isolated world). I prefer that to movies that have disparate plotlines just so they can be indie and cool (cough, me you and everyone we know, cough). Yes, the racism in this movie is nonstop and often hilarious, but it makes you hurt, and it makes you think. There are some set pieces that blow my mind still. The movie surprised me so many times, and like I said about Match Point, I love it when that happens. You think you know what’s gonna happen, you think you know which characters to trust, which characters you empathize with, and then they do things that shock you. I love it. The guys I was waching the Oscars with and I had a running bet on who could predict the most wins, and I was up by one coming into best picture and I chose Brokeback to win and the guy who was down chose Crash, so we ended up tying which was devastating, but I was still happy as hell. I didn’t even think this movie would get the nomination it deserved (go the Spring-released path of Eternal Sunshine and the like) and then it comes out and WINS. I watched it all over again the day after the Oscars, and it was just as good. I love movies, a lot of them impress me, but very few amaze me. Crash amazed me.
Well,
That was a waste of forty five minutes.
I'm home in two days.