i accept the volta as my personal savior
yeah, so i hate boys. i thought i was ove "it" but it turns out i'm not. it sucks. i just found out that "it" likes bright eyes. i was hoping bright eyes could be my sacred music w/ out any of "it"'s influence, just something for me and alex, but i guess not. god fucking damn it! i hate this so much! he needs to go away so i can stop doubting myself about who i am and about who i'm with! fuck!
the art of the day is in keeping w/ the theme above as well as the unwanted theme of jesus in my life.
my moment of the day with jesus:
so i was sitting in the dressing room w/ a couple of the girls from ballet and we were talking about one of our dances. jesse, who is dancing the part of Blanca, a light dance dressed all in white, said that she talked to our teacher who choreographed it and the teacher said that Blanca was supposed to be the bride and the virginal one. jesse said that made sense and that the other parts are more sultry. of course the girls continued the conversation saying that blanca was the pure on and the others were sinners. at the end of the dance we all kneel on the floor and the part of blanca ends with her arm up looking up while everyone else kinda lies down. this is the best part of the conversation! one of the girls, stacia, said that blanca ends up and says "i'm married and pure and you all are going to hell!" they all laughed! i couldn't speak.
i have anxiety dreams that the girls at ballet will find out im not a virgin and hate me and tried to exorcise and show me "the way to jesus". i actually had one last night...
i almost screamed! how fucking ignorant of them. i feel like they say things like that particualarly when i'm around to try to convince me that i need to go to church.
i did get a good laugh out of it when i told my friend elizabeth about it. she yelped and was in shock for like 2 minutes until we both burst out laughing. and i just kept saying "they can never find out, elizabeth. they can never find out."
i love hiding myself from people.
so, thank you jesus, but most importantly christianity, for being the constatnt reminder that i can never be as close as i wish i could to those girls.
art of the day:
there's actually 2 today. one in honor of ballet and one for "it"
both paintings are the brilliant works of salvator dali. im sorry but i don't know the names of either. his work is so powerful because of the realistic images set in a surreal world.
this art of the day brought to you by "it", ava, and the mars volta who made me laugh at "it".