(no subject)
What the fuck is up with you people?
You know what I think the problem is? MEEEE
.
So I think I'm going to chill out a little bit on trying to establish myself financially. I'll pay what I can, when I can. Focus on rent, a car, payin' the bills, etc. School is going to be a bittersweet priority for a while.
I wonder why it's so important that everybody know what everyone else is thinking. I struggle with this personally because I feel it gives me clarity-- problem is, once I have an inkling of an idea of how someone thinks, their views and beliefs do a U-ie. I've been trying to be there for Cassie, but she is struggling against the elements. I know that I can offer limited comfort, and as long as I can do one little thing, then I should keep doing it. The way I see it, if I take my little offering of comfort away, that's one less thing she can depend on. Now is not the time for me to be frustrated or confused. Even if I don't understand her pain, I have to just be there. Sometimes I have to not be there and just let her feel the way she does- let her work it out on her own. I just don't know when to do which. Seems like if I'm going to succeed in the good boyfriend department, I'll just have to ballpark it and hope it goes over well.
I feel bad about the "attack" on Eddie a few weeks ago. Or was it last week? So much crap has happened over this Christmas break that I'm actually looking forward to the repetition and trivialness of school to take my mind off it. I never forget how lucky I am. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just trying to remind myself that I have relatively little to be sore about.
When other people get their lives under control, that makes me happy. No one can put to words how proud I was when Alex got a job at Fuckraker's. It's not the most glamorous job, anyone can tell you that, but it started a trend, and even though I'm not a part of it, that job has brought more people together than a manifested Future, aka the band. I look forward to Cassie's new job. Every time she lands one, she gets a little stronger. I look forward to the stories about the day when she gets home from work, because I can get a glimpse into her beautiful life.
Chloe is such a damn good dog. This morning she squeezed her way between Cassie and I and laid on her back while we rubbed her belly. Her paws were limp and she alternated her head between Cassie's shoulder and mine for that ten minutes of heaven.
My photo empire is expanding, but I made a resolution to do what I can with what I got, which means curbing the spending sprees on "must-have" equipment. The not-as-fortunate have done more with less. I'm not sure how much time I will have to work on photography assignments or personal acquisitions, but I suppose that's something I'll just have to play by ear.
I've been considering a new job, but I know I have a good thing going with Collier's. The problem is that they aren't very gracious to their part-time staff. I've been there about five months, which in retrospect isn't too long, but considering how much work I've done for them that exceeded the expectations of a part-timer, I felt I was due for a raise or at least more hours. Thus far, I've only found more hours when the full-timers feel like taking a day off. If I do get a new job, I'd like it to be in the same field. Sometimes, though, I get distracted by these ideas and that has a negative effect on my current employment. Bottom line, if I know what's good for me, I'll choose the stable, yet low wages, over the risk of higher pay.
I know I say this with the risk of a backlash, but sometimes I don't feel comfortable working with Shannon. It's always weird when someone you know is a co-worker, period. It's not her personality or even her work ethic. She's very bright and works hard, which I respect a lot. The truth is, I feel bound by the expectations of a former clique. I've said this before, and it's still true, but I never knew my role in the David-Wes-Shannon-Billy-Tyler gang. For a while I was just T's best buddy. But then something happened. Not sure what it was exactly, or if it was any one thing. Maybe it was the small lies I told to keep up with everyone, or maybe I just had a fear that I was starting to get on people's nerves. Either way, I'm always trying to better myself, and with Shannon at work, I worry that she tells the other people that work there things that would have them question my credibility.
Maybe I'll get over that. Maybe I will get a new job. Maybe they'll give me more hours or a raise. Maybe I'll just learn to deal with the status quo and focus on more important things, like helping my mom out more often.
Don't know when I'll update again, so just consider this a hello/goodbye.
You know what I think the problem is? MEEEE
.
So I think I'm going to chill out a little bit on trying to establish myself financially. I'll pay what I can, when I can. Focus on rent, a car, payin' the bills, etc. School is going to be a bittersweet priority for a while.
I wonder why it's so important that everybody know what everyone else is thinking. I struggle with this personally because I feel it gives me clarity-- problem is, once I have an inkling of an idea of how someone thinks, their views and beliefs do a U-ie. I've been trying to be there for Cassie, but she is struggling against the elements. I know that I can offer limited comfort, and as long as I can do one little thing, then I should keep doing it. The way I see it, if I take my little offering of comfort away, that's one less thing she can depend on. Now is not the time for me to be frustrated or confused. Even if I don't understand her pain, I have to just be there. Sometimes I have to not be there and just let her feel the way she does- let her work it out on her own. I just don't know when to do which. Seems like if I'm going to succeed in the good boyfriend department, I'll just have to ballpark it and hope it goes over well.
I feel bad about the "attack" on Eddie a few weeks ago. Or was it last week? So much crap has happened over this Christmas break that I'm actually looking forward to the repetition and trivialness of school to take my mind off it. I never forget how lucky I am. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just trying to remind myself that I have relatively little to be sore about.
When other people get their lives under control, that makes me happy. No one can put to words how proud I was when Alex got a job at Fuckraker's. It's not the most glamorous job, anyone can tell you that, but it started a trend, and even though I'm not a part of it, that job has brought more people together than a manifested Future, aka the band. I look forward to Cassie's new job. Every time she lands one, she gets a little stronger. I look forward to the stories about the day when she gets home from work, because I can get a glimpse into her beautiful life.
Chloe is such a damn good dog. This morning she squeezed her way between Cassie and I and laid on her back while we rubbed her belly. Her paws were limp and she alternated her head between Cassie's shoulder and mine for that ten minutes of heaven.
My photo empire is expanding, but I made a resolution to do what I can with what I got, which means curbing the spending sprees on "must-have" equipment. The not-as-fortunate have done more with less. I'm not sure how much time I will have to work on photography assignments or personal acquisitions, but I suppose that's something I'll just have to play by ear.
I've been considering a new job, but I know I have a good thing going with Collier's. The problem is that they aren't very gracious to their part-time staff. I've been there about five months, which in retrospect isn't too long, but considering how much work I've done for them that exceeded the expectations of a part-timer, I felt I was due for a raise or at least more hours. Thus far, I've only found more hours when the full-timers feel like taking a day off. If I do get a new job, I'd like it to be in the same field. Sometimes, though, I get distracted by these ideas and that has a negative effect on my current employment. Bottom line, if I know what's good for me, I'll choose the stable, yet low wages, over the risk of higher pay.
I know I say this with the risk of a backlash, but sometimes I don't feel comfortable working with Shannon. It's always weird when someone you know is a co-worker, period. It's not her personality or even her work ethic. She's very bright and works hard, which I respect a lot. The truth is, I feel bound by the expectations of a former clique. I've said this before, and it's still true, but I never knew my role in the David-Wes-Shannon-Billy-Tyler gang. For a while I was just T's best buddy. But then something happened. Not sure what it was exactly, or if it was any one thing. Maybe it was the small lies I told to keep up with everyone, or maybe I just had a fear that I was starting to get on people's nerves. Either way, I'm always trying to better myself, and with Shannon at work, I worry that she tells the other people that work there things that would have them question my credibility.
Maybe I'll get over that. Maybe I will get a new job. Maybe they'll give me more hours or a raise. Maybe I'll just learn to deal with the status quo and focus on more important things, like helping my mom out more often.
Don't know when I'll update again, so just consider this a hello/goodbye.