oo3 - filled with Lethargy.
I'm finally coming out of my lurker-dom again. We shall see how long it lasts this time, before I go back to the ways of reading-but-never-writing. Because I do read things that people post - it frustrates my parental units with how often I do - but I never really get around to posting anything. I think it comes from the fact that I'm the type of person who likes to listen to people, no matter what they are talking about, rather than speak. This of course changes when I am exceedingly close to those whom I am speaking to, but only then. And then we could also get into my short attention span and forgetfulness. But let's not.
I think I just had a minor panic attack. I haven't had that feeling for a while, but I never really knew what to classify what it was until now. It makes no sense at all, really. Things are a little bit stressful right now, but not any more then they have been for the past few weeks. But it was a panic attack. I just looked up the symptoms and there they were: Rapid Heart beat, shaking, shortness of breath, Discomfort in the chest, light-headedness, and Fear of losing control or going crazy. Happy days. So I ran up the stairs from the first to fourth floor, made some Chai Tea (that I've never had before, mind you. It's... different from what I'm used to), got Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew, then came back downstairs whilst causing my hand to go numb from holding the two sodas. And now I'm tired.
Not that I wasn't tired before.
I've been sleeping so very much these past few days; usually getting around 12 hours of sleep per night, if I'm able. And I still go to sleep that night without any problems at all. I'm starting to think that I'm having a relapse of Mono, but I really hope it isn't that. Because that would be very unpleasant, and would be something that would just cause me to be more stressed. Not that I am, mind you. My brain just thinks I am. I'm the type that wakes up in the middle of the night and feels that there's something that has to be done, and it needs to be done now and if I don't get up and do whatever it is that needs to be done I'll go crazy and the world will fall apart because it is that important and vital to my every-day life and I just cannot go on without accomplishing the task but the thing that is most infuriating about it is that I have no idea what it is I need to do. So I turn over, and go back to sleep whilst hoping that things will clear up in the morning. They never do, but I just realize by then that there's nothing that is that pressing.
And now I'm going back to the previous paragraph. But it's alright, because right now my breathing is still slightly off and reverting to previous topics is the least of my worries.
The thing that is the most pressing on my mind is, naturally, school. I've finally decided to quit the University and Major I'm in. I loved the Uni, but because it's a commuter school, I didn't really make all that many friends up there in the past semester. I also had a bit of a personal epiphany one day and realized that I really don't want to major in Piano Performance. I do really enjoy playing the piano, but I haven't the drive to practice 3+ hours each day, and I really hated teaching back when I helped my mother with her studio, so why in the world would I want to major in it? so after this semester, I'm going to go to a close-by community college for the second semester to do some of my Generals, whilst (I love that word) figuring out what I want to do after the summer break. I'm thinking of going to another University where my sister and a friend of mine are going, but I'll really have to think about it. The positive thing about going there would be that I get out of my parents house and go out on my own, but the big problem with leaving to that Uni is that I would have to quit my $14/hr job that I absolutely adore, and get a job somewhere (in costumer service, most likely, which I hate) with a lower salary. But that's not until after January. I need to focus on one problem at a time.
And damn, it sounds like my life is in chaos and totally sucks right now. It really doesn't. I have a wonderful life. I just don't manage it properly.
On another note, it was my sister's wedding on the 6th. It was lovely, and she was gorgeous in her beautiful dress, and she's now off on her honeymoon with her now-husband which is the weirdest thing to say. We've known the kid for, what, five years now? We were used to "Boyfriend", then "Fiance" was was a bit odd, but we were getting used to it, and now, suddenly, he's her "husband" which will take ages to get used to saying.
And don't even get me started on "brother-in-law".
They left right after the wedding for a 2-day stay at a city near-by, and then they came back home for and afternoon to celebrate my little brother's birthday.
It was really hard to look at them, knowing what most likely happened the night of the wedding. Talk about uncomfortable. But now they're off on a 10-day cruise around the Caribbean, and then they'll be back in the enormous apartment that they're living in with 2 bedrooms (one of which I won't be able to set foot in without first conducting some sort of cleansing ritual) and 2 bathrooms for a single couple. Talk about over-kill. But they're both happy, which is good. The wedding was small and only people really close to them were invited (which was few, as they're both kinda anti-social), but it was good. Very good.
I think I just had a minor panic attack. I haven't had that feeling for a while, but I never really knew what to classify what it was until now. It makes no sense at all, really. Things are a little bit stressful right now, but not any more then they have been for the past few weeks. But it was a panic attack. I just looked up the symptoms and there they were: Rapid Heart beat, shaking, shortness of breath, Discomfort in the chest, light-headedness, and Fear of losing control or going crazy. Happy days. So I ran up the stairs from the first to fourth floor, made some Chai Tea (that I've never had before, mind you. It's... different from what I'm used to), got Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew, then came back downstairs whilst causing my hand to go numb from holding the two sodas. And now I'm tired.
Not that I wasn't tired before.
I've been sleeping so very much these past few days; usually getting around 12 hours of sleep per night, if I'm able. And I still go to sleep that night without any problems at all. I'm starting to think that I'm having a relapse of Mono, but I really hope it isn't that. Because that would be very unpleasant, and would be something that would just cause me to be more stressed. Not that I am, mind you. My brain just thinks I am. I'm the type that wakes up in the middle of the night and feels that there's something that has to be done, and it needs to be done now and if I don't get up and do whatever it is that needs to be done I'll go crazy and the world will fall apart because it is that important and vital to my every-day life and I just cannot go on without accomplishing the task but the thing that is most infuriating about it is that I have no idea what it is I need to do. So I turn over, and go back to sleep whilst hoping that things will clear up in the morning. They never do, but I just realize by then that there's nothing that is that pressing.
And now I'm going back to the previous paragraph. But it's alright, because right now my breathing is still slightly off and reverting to previous topics is the least of my worries.
The thing that is the most pressing on my mind is, naturally, school. I've finally decided to quit the University and Major I'm in. I loved the Uni, but because it's a commuter school, I didn't really make all that many friends up there in the past semester. I also had a bit of a personal epiphany one day and realized that I really don't want to major in Piano Performance. I do really enjoy playing the piano, but I haven't the drive to practice 3+ hours each day, and I really hated teaching back when I helped my mother with her studio, so why in the world would I want to major in it? so after this semester, I'm going to go to a close-by community college for the second semester to do some of my Generals, whilst (I love that word) figuring out what I want to do after the summer break. I'm thinking of going to another University where my sister and a friend of mine are going, but I'll really have to think about it. The positive thing about going there would be that I get out of my parents house and go out on my own, but the big problem with leaving to that Uni is that I would have to quit my $14/hr job that I absolutely adore, and get a job somewhere (in costumer service, most likely, which I hate) with a lower salary. But that's not until after January. I need to focus on one problem at a time.
And damn, it sounds like my life is in chaos and totally sucks right now. It really doesn't. I have a wonderful life. I just don't manage it properly.
On another note, it was my sister's wedding on the 6th. It was lovely, and she was gorgeous in her beautiful dress, and she's now off on her honeymoon with her now-husband which is the weirdest thing to say. We've known the kid for, what, five years now? We were used to "Boyfriend", then "Fiance" was was a bit odd, but we were getting used to it, and now, suddenly, he's her "husband" which will take ages to get used to saying.
And don't even get me started on "brother-in-law".
They left right after the wedding for a 2-day stay at a city near-by, and then they came back home for and afternoon to celebrate my little brother's birthday.
It was really hard to look at them, knowing what most likely happened the night of the wedding. Talk about uncomfortable. But now they're off on a 10-day cruise around the Caribbean, and then they'll be back in the enormous apartment that they're living in with 2 bedrooms (one of which I won't be able to set foot in without first conducting some sort of cleansing ritual) and 2 bathrooms for a single couple. Talk about over-kill. But they're both happy, which is good. The wedding was small and only people really close to them were invited (which was few, as they're both kinda anti-social), but it was good. Very good.